A time machine to go back to 1960-something? Well, that'd be nice, but I ain't sure I could still do as many push-ups and sit-ups that Grundy Newton would wantme to do. Yeah but, it was a wholesome time. Andy, Ope, Aunt Bea... Hazel, Jed, Granny, Ellie Mae... yes foggy breath but you fail to mention Otis? Ernest T. Bass? The JOKER? The Penguin? MR. FREEZE? OK, you're right.
Take you back to 1970-something? Oh man, those were good times. But too, I ain't so sure I could lift those damn TV's from back then. We would still have phone books where we could lookup numbers to call someone to help, but then, they mighta brought back with'em today's attitude of "Eh, they'll call back, I ain't gonna answer right now."... that, and I'd sureashell trip on bellbottoms... and remember, high-waisted jeans were the thing, I don't think too many of us men would be comfy... nope.. Victor, that's kinda gender biased. Hush or I'll bring up hot pants. Uh huh, what I thought.
OK then, howabout 1980-something? Yeah, it would be kinda cool to go back and watch a Brett line drive, ole Hal McCrae obliterate a shortstop, or Bo... Bo climbing the wall (or scooting to the end zone.) Then, there was that Bo that Dudley chased but never could catch. She was beeuuuutiful.. . But remember: MULLETS. Hells to the no's on going back to the 80's.
90's? It was a good time... I'd put on some Doc's.. no, wait. I ain't sure, with my 'rearranged waistline' I could lace up all them damn loops to the Docs... Beanie babies? Hello? I put off picking up things on the floor until there are two of them, then, I scoot one over by the other and get 'em both at once. Can you imagine all the Rovers of today shredding Beanie Babies and then you gotta somehow pickup all those damn little white beady things? Yeah, I guess you're right.... And, heebeejeebies. Huh? Yup. If we all had to logon using that gosh-awful AOL dial up noise thingy, I KNOW I'd get the heeebeeejeebies.
Turn of the Century. Howabout that? Times were better then. I dunno. Hell, you started this list with the 60's, mebbe we shoulda started with the 50's. Back then, if Charlie got in trouble, Louie told Fred, who told Carla, who told her mom, who hosted the Bridge Club, Shirley repeated what Charlie did in church, Charlie's mom's Sunday school teacher heard about it, "Sarah, get me Charlie's mom".. Charlie got his little booty whipped. You want the 2000's? Hello? Social media deluxe. We got MySpace, Twitter, Facebook, Skype, texting, WhatsApp, it could all be documented by anyone who wanted to on Wikipedia, then, the basta's showed videos of poor ole Charlie on YouTube actually doing it! Charlie would get his butt whipped before he got back in the car right after doing it. Yeah, mebbe you're right.
Let's go back to 2010 then. That decade was weird man. Remember Gaga in that dress made outta flank steaks? The Angry Birds appeared. Everything was neon, I don't think my eyes could take it today. Vampires were the rage...you think you have trouble gettin' kids to go to sleep today? Yeah.. But Victor, leggings came out. Hmmm, OK, lemme think on it, baby baby lemme think on it, I'll give you an answer in the morning.
Victor, if you're so smart, WHAT DOES the world need now?
Love?
Bipartisanship?
NPR as the ONLY news media source?
Happy gas filtered into our drinking water?
That's close! I was thinking helium. It's easily attainable. It's funny as all get out when you suck it in and then talk. (How couldya not be happy with that!).. More importantly, IT LIFTS YOU. Geez we could use that! YES! YES! And those that are a pain in the ying yang, we could give 'em two (or 1,493) scoops of raisins (helium) so they would be-bop the hell outta here into the atmosphere! Imagine the possibilities at the family reunion! The PTA meeting! Around the bigass conference room table! That one creepy boss lady Lucille.. we could give her 1,493 scoops, and pretend we miss her when she ofts into the atmosphere (You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille!)
Victor? Yes? You're crazy. Perhaps. Perhaps that's what we need. Crazy, with a little helium thrown in.
OK, fu'real, fun. Fun might be a start. Light. Hugs. Pets. Laughter. Commer...commarad.... comeraud... Friendship howeverinthehell that other word is spelled.
In all seriousness - we need something. We're torn apart. It's sad. If only Groucho were alive and we could learn the secret word.
Peace be with you,
Love, Victurd
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