You maybe thought I was gonna write "up again, you are never gonna keep me down."
Ah, but this time, I'm retired. I get knocked down, but i get in bed and take a nap.
I love naps. I find they are an either/or thing. Some say, "If I take a nap, who knows, could be two hours before I wake up, therefore, I don't take 'em."
To which I reply, you don't know what you're missing. The older I get the more I love 'em. The older I get, the more I take 'em.
I usedta couldn't believe old people and their want to jump in bed for the night at 9... some even 8. Now I am them. It takes a REALLY good half of basketball for me to stay awake and watch the second half of 7pm game. Usually, I leave the TV on in the living room so I can hear it, to be sure to keep tabs with who ultimately wins. Uh huh, right.
I'm really boring, which kinda makes me chuckle due to the fact that I am, and you are here anyways. I hold my (plugged in) phone in my hand and play Sudoku, my version of counting sheep. I never finish a game, and usually when I awaken, some 5, 6 hours later, I've got 4 wrong numbers entered, I've somehow turned my phone to do not disturb, and I buttdialed my eye doctor at 3:23am. It is then and there I make the decision for my day. Do I get all hot, bothered, mad, get up on the wrong side and have a predestined crappy day - or do I laugh and hopefully have a fun, funny ha ha day. Most times I choose wisely. I do have my "Stay outta my yard kid" days, but, generally, happy.
Breakfast out. Victor, who cares? Me. I do. We're talking naps, tis the subject, I'm xplaining Lucy. So I've had my 5, 6 hours.. "Your usual?" "Uh huh, 2 eggs, scrambled, sausage patties, hash browns, wheat toast." Now, I've read all the paper, said my hellos to Amy, Karen, Dixie, Wayland and Willie and the boys. Beeline, to........
Bed. I'm 2, 3 hours behind in sleep. I'm retired. I no likey soap operas on TV. Aware that now there are 272 other channels, don't care, must take nap. Same pattern, dive into bed (OK, plop works).. phone/Sudoku.. TV on so I'll be sure (uh huh) to listen to the morning news... blankets to cover me.. I hug my girlfriend (relax... it's my long, long pillow.) We've 'dated' for like 9 years now. And I zonk. Soon.
Then, I get up and don't do much. Victor, who cares? Right.
So, I go to the Community Center, head for the jacuzzi in hopes of six or ten really really hot ladies to join me there.. .then, uh huh, the arthritic water aerobic class ends, and soon, ten ladies at least as old as me, a couple even as fat as me, help me fill the jacuzzi. I wanna opt for "Stay outta my jacuzzi lady" but then, I stare at MY belly... hell, they have just as much right as I do to be there.
I actually do exercise a tad... sit in the sauna for a short.. then, home.
I tried to diet for two weeks. OK, one. Didn't work, so, I said to heck with it and went back to processed food. Seen the $5.99/lb ground beef? Uh huh, me too. So. Stouffer's frozen Meat Lovers Lasagna, $2.69 at WallyWorld, nuke it for 6 minutes. Grab me two pieces of the dreaded white bread [it's .19 cents cheaper than wheat, scroll to diet not working]..yum.
Oh, sure, I take a little time to traverse FB... Click a few likes, loves.. Have a baby "Stay outta my FB page!" moment, then, remember a post from a friend "Every storm runs out of rain", so, I tried me my hardest not to be in an ole grumpy mood.
The word storm kinda makes me sleepy, SO... I get out my internal calculator.. lemme see.. I had 6 hours sleep last night... plus that 45 minute nap.. HEY! I've got an hour and fitteen to kill! To bed I go for a nap! But Victor? It's still light out? I don't care. I'm retired.
I skipped the pee part. I always pee before a nap, sorry, kinda. Well, you see, my apartment ain't big, but it's long. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down here is the bathroom, and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay down here is my bedroom. There's a kitchen and a living room between. See, I already got my exercise at the Center, don't need it again until tomorrow.
Plop. Phone, Sudoku. 'Girlfriend'. Covers. Yum. Some 47 minutes later, I'm up and at 'em. Only three wrong Sudoku entries... I've dialed Cricket somehow, and there's some feature on my cheap phone (it ain't Alexa, but something like her) and she's asking me what I want.
"I usually take a two hour nap from one to four." Yogi Berra.
Me too Yogi.
I know this has been extremely educational. If you don't like it, "Get outta my blog kid". Just kidding.
Tune in tomorrow when questions will be answered:
Does he then make the bed three times a day?
He never mentioned brushing his teeth... does he?
I hit 'Control F', searched for 'rinse, repeat', does he ever shower? Wash his hair?
Has anyone ever answered your 3am buttdials?
Does your girlfriend have a 'name'?
Do you EVER stay awake and watch the 2nd half of a basketball game? He's an MU Fan, or course not. Shuddup Schwabby! "Stay outta my Spectrum!"
Which reminds me... I'm still in need of 28 more minutes nap to get to 8 hours total sleep. Phone, plop. Girlfriend. Covers. My bad. Pee, phone, plop, girlfriend, covers.
He drinks a Lager drink, he drinks a Cider drink
He sings the songs that remind him of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him of the best times
(Oh Danny Boy, Danny Boy, Danny Boy)
Night.
By Henry Gibson. Forward was by Mr. Pillow, but I ripped it to shreds when I found out his true colors. Sorry. Kinda. Not really.
Love, Victurd
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