I pledge allegiance to the Lands of the Unified Types of Animals, and to PETA, The Humane Society, and the ASPCA for which they stand, thanks Noah, under God's sky, with free range and fruits, berries and leaves for all.
"It's well known I'm smarter than the average bear," Yogi started, "thank you for electing me Top Dog (so to speak) and I call this meeting to order....Boo Boo...if you could catch the door please."
Roll call...
Bugs Bunny... "Whatsup?"
Donald Duck.. "Aw Phooey!.. oh, sorry, I tweaked my beak on this desk."
Mickey Mouse.. "M-I-C...." We know Mickey, 'Present' or 'Here' will work.....
Tweety Bird.. "I'm here, but can I trade places with someone so I don't have to sit next to Sylvester?"...
Sylvester..."Sufferin' Succotash, darn crybaby bird."
Woody Woodpecker... "Heh-Heh-Heh-HEHHH-Heh, ahm, Here"
Porky the Pig... "Am I the last one? That's all folks!" No Porky, we have several more.
Pepe Le Pew.... "I am Pepe Le Pew, your lover... Tweety, you can come sit by me?" Odor-able offer, but no thanks.
Bullwinkle.... "Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat." Ah, Rocky didn't get re-elected, sorry Bull....
Winnie the Pooh... "Oh ,bother." Sticky situation Pooh? "Nah, thanks Yogi, say, did I ever tell you that if you live to be 100 I want live to be 100 minus one day so I never have to live without you." Nope, you never did. Cute, kinda cheesy, but cute.
Nemo...... (crickets).. NEMO?... Can anyone find Nemo? Tweety "I tawt I saw him in the lobby, I did, I DID see him in the lobby... "I'm here! Just had to dry off first."
Scooby.. Scooby dooby doo, where are you? ("No remarks from the peanut gallary Tweety.") I'm here Yogi, sorry, ruff night last night.
Pink Panther.... I'm here too, but why do I always hear saxophone music when I'm introduced?
Dumbo... (Raises front leg to acknowledge presence.) Dumbo is the first and only protagonist in a Disney animated feature film to have no spoken dialogue.
Last but not least, Bambi... I'm here deer...
OK, thanks. Now on to the meat of the meeting. First subject to address, masks. The speaker recognizes Bugs .."I don't want no stinkin' mask! How am I supposed to get that short string over my big ole ears?" Dumbo chimes in, "You think YOU got problems," Yogi asks, "Hey, I thought you couldn't talk?"..."Well, I've always been able to, Walt just didn't lemme." Tweety "If it weren't for Pepe Le Pew, I'd make a motion to scrap the whole mask idea."
Woody "Why I'd accidentally tear a hole in that mask in no time"... Donald, "Can you see me getting that thing over my beak?"
Yogi.. "OK, OK, we'll scrap the mask idea. But I reserve the right to institute it should I see fit."
Next order of business.... We've GOT to do something about these humans. They're all so angry...and at each other.. which sometimes makes 'em take it out on us animals."
Winnie.. "We could always give them a hug, a hug is always the right size." Yeah yeah Winnie, but, see, they have this thing now called open carry.. they'd make bear stew outta you in a heartbeat.
Sylvester .."What say we make up some dandelion wine and throw 'em a big party?" Mickey "Yeah! I could see about getting a big ole room for our party in Orlando!"... Bugs.. "Sounds like a wonderful idea.. we could meet 'em all in the lobby, feed 'em the wine, get 'em pellet-faced, they'd come in and have a blast.. they wouldn't know party, race, religion, yada.. perfect!"
Yogi "Done. Howabout 2nd week in November?" Bambi raises hoove "Ahm, that's hunting season." "Yeah, you're right, we'll have it the first week in December then, so they still got money to travel..planes are empty, fares are cheap. Done. Mickey, reserve that big ole room. Sylvester, you're in charge of food and drink.. " "Succotash and suds it is then sir!"
Yogi... "OK, from our last meeting. It was noted, that with the humans all mad at everyone, increasingly they are shooing us off their lands. So, Donald volunteered to help organize and setup a list of VRBA's (Vacation Rentals By Animals) across the land. Donald?
Donald, "Aw phooey, I left my speech in the car.".. So, Scooby entertains with Sit, Fetch, Stay tricks.. Dumbo does some stupid elephant tricks.. Donald returns. "Yogi, your wish is my command, anything for you you big palooka!.. We now have 1,274 Nest and Breakfasts, 364 abandoned barns and farm homes, and 712 Tea in the Treehouses." Round of applause for Donald please...(different clacking, clawing, clucking heard.) "Aww shucks, it was nuthin'"
Hey Boo Boo... is there anything I'm forgetting for the meeting? "Yeah Yogi, remember, we were gonna try and organize an Anicare so us animals could have easy access to the VA (Vets for Animals) without having to tag along with a human." Oh yeah, thanks Boo Boo.. Does anyone see a need for this?
Bugs, "My ears need cleaned"... Dumbo "I could use some help from a dietician".. Tweety, "Hells bells I need to add some weight." Woody "I could stand to have my pecker sharpened, mind outta gutter, I'm talkin' beak here." Pepe "Would they give us access to shampoo, body wash, cologne?".. Porky "Well, I could use some he-he-he-he-help toning up. Weight rooms? Treadmills?"
Yogi: "By the power vested in me, I nominate a committee of Tweety, Sylvester, Scoob, Nemo and Porky to meet next week, gather ideas, schedule someone to talk to the American Veterinary Medical Association - and report back next month."
Yogi.. closers, please come to the stage to prepare to end the meeting.
Mickey? "Now it's time to say goodbye... to all our company...."
Winnie? "Some people care too much.. I think it's called love. Remember, a hug is always the right size."
Porky? "Th-th-th-that's all, folks!"
Always be kind to humans.. most are trying the best they can.
By Henry Gibson and Jack Hanna
Love, Victurd
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