I'm kinda reminded of John Wayne... as always, my blog is seemingly nonsensical, but there really is a madness to my method.
Forgive me, for I said "Bullshit."
OK, after that line, I've probably run off a few, but that's ok, I happen to think bullshit is/can be, a fun word.
Band camp, I went with two sisters (I was dating one of them) to a Balloon Festival in Northern Missouri. Said sister's father is a wonderful man, he truly is. the kind that literally ain't gonna hurt a flea.
He does, though, tend to admonish. I was welcomed with open arms by the other sister's boyfriend, because for several years HE had been on the receiving end of "Pops"s storytelling. Now, it was me.
As happens with age, we oft times repeat stories thinking each and every time it';s the first time we'd told the story.
As happens with age, we oft times repeat stories thinking each and every time it';s the first time we'd told the story.
Pops was that way as well.. and with pretty decent frequency. There was a story, mostly true I'm certain, where Pops (and wife) were in a boat that suffered some pretty severe mechanical issues. It was headed out-of-control and believe the original, true, story was it was a non-event, and the boat was under control in no time.
Seeing that I'd never heard this story, Pops had told it to me a few times prior to the trip to see the Balloons. The first time I heard it, it was "And I could see the Captain had passed out, so I ran to the front of the boat, pushed him aside and took control." BULLSHIT, the sisters chimed in. Have you ever been in a situation where you really really wanted to laugh but circumstances said "Nuh uh, ya can't."? I was.
The second time I heard this story, Pops had taken over the wheel to guide the boat, "I got it to go to shore and I swear to goodness, and I ended up maneuvering it into a nearby swimming pool." BULLSHIT, the sisters offered. OK, I couldn't help it any longer, I laughed. Not at him, with him.
The third time I heard this story, yes, the Balloon trip, it was "and there we were, the boat was out of control headed for shore.. just about that time, two natives ran out of the jungle, they both knew what to do, how to guide/stop the boat" and BULLSHIT! I wanted to rollover, but I was driving, so couldn't.
Victor, whothehell is Holzhauer? Ah, just hold your horses life-preserver-breath, we'll get there.
Enough about Pops. Enough, except just know he's a cool dude, has a truly affectionate smile, never met a stranger, and yeah, the flea part.
Recently, my car shot craps. Junked it, bought another. Four days after purchase, the engine computer went out. I didn't know what was wrong at the time...............so,
I went online. I found a site, for a one-time fee of $5, I could directly ask a question to a bonafide Chrysler mechanic. (Word red-underlined 'bonafide', again, but I went to Google, asked, and that's how they say it's spelled, so I call BULLSHIT red-line.)
So, I asked my $5 question, I admittedly got really good, IMMEDIATE advice on what the problem might be, so immediate, in fact, I thought it had to be a bot. But, I took the advice, ran, and the mechanic I took it to confirmed the result of my $5 question, and after paying them to fix it, life was again good.
The other day, I was at Happy Hour with lifelong friends.. and onea my buddies said "First thing I do every morning is look at my bank account." Victor, the hell does this have to do with your story, and whointhehell is Holzhauer?
Glad you asked. After hearing my buddy say that about his account, I started doing the same. Last week there were four $9.99 movie rentals on my account. Fixed that problem. This morning, there was a $34 payment to a company called 'Just Answer dot com." I did that on porpoise so them dudes wouldn't track me down!
Apparently, prior to me asking my $5 question, there was a 'terms and conditions' part that was longer, bigger'n the Sunday Kansas City Star. Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm an idiot, I don't/won't read those things, so I scrolled down, clicked "yes" I agree... "it's $5, all that for $5, but I agree."
The $34 payment on my bank account, had an 800 #, yes, it was the Just Answer dot com folks, i called... and I hadn't taken my high BP meds yet, ha. I've pulled the "Let's pretend I'm irate, I'm not, but let's pretend" statement outta my pockets a few times in life - but this morning, I prefaced with "I'm not gonna cuss" to let them know I was angered by their $34 fee.
Turns out, they sent me an email asking me how I thought the $5 question/answer went, was I satisfied, all that... I don't read those things, don't answer, and thought to myself "yeah, yeah, yeah."
I guess, with me ignoring the way-too-long terms and conditions and the email, I'd unwittingly signed up for the monthly membership of $34 to be able to ask any question on any subject to Just Answer Dot Com. In their defense, I read reviews, good reviews, folks who'd had car questions, legal/lawyer questions, yada.
Along side all those rave reviews were MANY from folks like me who thought they'd received their $5 answer, all was well and good, then, they too got the membership fee taken from their bank account.
Where was I? I think you were gonna tell us who Holzhauer is Victor. Oh yeah, he's the guy on the Jeopardy streak that's won over a million and is set to break the alltime record tonight. That, him, he's who I shoulda asked.
So, again, I'd told the friendly customer service rep "I ain't gonna cuss" so he'd know the severity of my mood. He was pretty good in that he acted like he'd never heard a complaint like mine, ever. I bet he goes home at night and says "Oh honey, it's been a rough day, I had 276 pissed off customers in a row today."
He told me "well, we sent you and email, you didn't cancel, so your membership started." I tend to believe all people are good. It's bit me in the butt on more than one occasion. He agreed to cancel my membership, but would not refund my $34.
Just then.......
Two natives ran out of the jungle, tapped me on the shoulder, said "Sick him Victor!!" and I slipped. Forgive me, I cussed. "THIS is BULLSHIT! I agree your company has/gives good advice, but the membership thing, from my stinky feet, is deceptive, bad business, unscrupulous, etc."
Thanks to Pops, two natives, and BULLSHIT, he begrudgingly agreed to refund my $34.
So... I shoulda asked Holzhauer... or Google.. or Sherwin Williams.. somebody.. just not Just Answer Dot Com.
Victor, you mentioned John Wayne, whatsup with that? Oh come on, I call bullshit. You gotta remember his line in the movie.. "I'm not gonna hit ya.. the hell I'm not."
By Henry BS Gibson,
Love, Victurd
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