Like the back of my hand.......

I call bullshit.

I was laying in bed the other day.. (Forgive me Mrs. Isley, I ain't sure if that should be 'laying' or 'lying.'?)

Anyways, I was in bed.  I was pleased to awaken to yet another day on this planet.  I glanced at my phone laying/lying beside my bed to attain exactly what time it was, so I could relay to myself "yes, you got enough sleep, get up,", or "no, you idiot, lay/lie back down."

I sincerely didn't know exactly when I would get out of bed... what the prompt would be... and I was reminded "I guess really don't know me."

Much.. much happens in life to where we draw the conclusion "I'm not really sure I know anyone."

On the back of one of my hands is a very small growth that's been there forever and a day..yes, I think since 10/13/1952.  Without feeling for it, I never really know which hand it's on, thus, the "BS" quote.

We don't know ourselves, how can we know another?

Blue skies, smiling at me.. nothing but blue skies, do I see.

Camouflage.

See the funny little clown....he's laughing on the outside...

A mask of happiness.

Robin Williams.

Two, VERY beloved, in my lifetime.  "I had no idea, and I'm literally shocked."

We all struggle.  We neatly sweep it under the rug to hide from friends, loved ones - or, we let newspapers accumulate on the rug, don't let anyone in, and then one day pickup one of those newspapers and it's from early March.

Ya just never know.

Trusted Dave.  Trusted Dave was my car mechanic when I worked in Grandview, MO.  He wasn't necessarily the cheapest (nor the most expensive).. but ya just knew, if you took him your sickly car, it would be fixed.  After years of taking one clunker after another to him for him to rescue, I asked "Dave, have you ever found anything you can't fix?"...  He paused for a long moment.. then said "No.. no, I haven't."

Brakes, struts, coils, engine codes, power windows, you name it, he can fix it.

Depression/anxiety, not so much.

I hesitated writing this blog because it deals with the most precious thing we have - life.

Who am I to give answers?  Well, who is Google.. or Bing.. or Wiki.. ? There are, though, some pretty good suggestions on "what to say, and what NOT to say" and Heaven knows I know from personal experience my foot doesn't taste very good.

Most, I think, "conceal and carry."  You'd never know it.  Some, out rightly ask for help - and of course that HAS to be taken with great sincerity.

Some hint.

What do you do then?

Dave?

I don't have answers either.

A friend once shared that a close friend (I didn't know this friend's friend) told them "and I have severe panic attacks about it."

I was disturbed, because I didn't know what to do, what to suggest.  Yes, Google does have a wealth of information - and it should certainly be kept in your toolbox because it can be helpful.

Ideas I do have.  Be there.  In sickness and in health.

I ask myself "What makes me feel good?  What perks me up?"

Lots, thankfully.  A good friends "Merry Christmas" text.  A longtime friend asking "How's your health?"  I'd never been asked that.  I appreciated it and it was a damn good question, because sometimes we forget to stop and ask our self that.

Examples.  Examples of people we really respect makes me feel good.  Know one, or twelve?  What is it about them?

My sister is deceased.  No, cancer, not that.  My niece (her daughter) recently told me "I never heard her say a bad word about anyone."  That's an example.  A very good one.  REMIND me of that.

Any time "it shines" on me.. By shine I mean things like a buddy recently messaging me "I've got four tickets to the Royals and I know you're a big fan, wanna go?"  I had grandkid duty, but oh if he only knew how good that made me feel.  Another recent message from a buddy in Dallas I haven't seen or talked to since college "Hey, the Royals are here on such-n-such date, get yourself here, I'll take care of the rest."  Again, I am pretty sure I'm not going to be able to - but OH how good that made me feel.  So, 'including'.  It's really nice to be included.  (and uh huh, OF COURSE, vice versa.)

People caring.  So.. if I could get off my selfish butt and do things that show my care, concern for others - that'd be a good start.

Back to camouflage, blue skies smiling at me, see the funny little clown.  Those are the ones that put the greatest fear in me.  We never know.

Logic tells one "pay it forward" (whatever makes you feel good, do to others,)  Be there, ALL/ANY time.  Use words like love, appreciate, you'll-never-know-how-much-you-really-mean-to-me.

Be a good person, and no, I don't preach, I remind myself.  The world is full of enough shit, don't add to it.

I've found, the most helpless feeling in the world is not knowing how to help.  Not knowing what to do.  Not knowing where to go. Not knowing who to ask.

We must rely on fellow man, woman, our God - and certainly professionals.  If we'd all try to take care of our own selves  too in doing that, it'd be a good start.

I just felt.  The growth, wart like thing is on the back of my left hand, but I really don't know the back of my hand.

Love to you.  If you have answers, ideas, suggestions, I'm of the listen more talk less ilk.