I'm not the brightest bulb on the porch ("We know Victor" said a collective 50-some that occasionally read this stupid blog.)
However, after quite a few years of consistent, faithful exercise (looking for my remote), and then agreeing to purchase Amazon/Fire Stick so I could buy too much, get it here fast though, free shipping - THUS, I got a 'second remote', the Fire stick, something needed to be done.
One more and I can juggle. But, then again, I can never find the bastards.........so
A trip to WallyWorld, a purchase of sufficient Velcro.. rigged up both remotes with Velcro to the end table RIGHT NEXT TO the easy chair that I sit at too many damn hours a day, and presto, I find myself a genius. (If you believe I really feel that way, please know I had to Google genius to learn how to spell it. Thus far though, it works for me, unless I carry one to go pee, or get more coffee, or to put more clothing on because I'm a tightass and my thermostat is set at 63.)
Politics, Velcro. Ha. Eighteen days until the election - something tells me that even if the Gorilla Glue Company comes out with a mega-hella-strong Velcro, bipartisan won't happen. OK, no more politics. I promise. (Fingers crossed behind my back.)
Does Velcro wear out? I see, read, admire SO MANY of my coupled friends that smooched when they were 16 or so, it stuck, and they've now been Velcro'ed (is that a word?) together forty, fitty, sixty, seventy plus years. Kudos. You was Velcro before that crap was cool, and even before it was invented. And, at the risk of embarrassment (sorry, kinda): Zerrs, Burks, Andersons, Dillons, Gallups, Schwabauers, Gavels, Soltys's, Peases, Evans, Clevengers, Estes's, Smithmiers, Tomlinsons, Lalumondieres, etc, etc, etc (and I know I missed a buttload of other Velcros.. again, kudos)
Me? I always end up getting Velcro, but it always seems the boogers that packaged it didn't put the necessary fuzzy part along with the harder, stick to me part...... doesn't work.. and I end up playing Sudoku, watching CNN (sorry, slipped), golfing, time with grands, a happy hour or seven.. alone. It even rained and it didn't stick. HUH? You know, "you and me and rain on the roof."
"Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro." Dave Barry
Velcro:
Salt and pepper
Gin and Tonic
Shoes and socks
Coffee and cream
Peaches and cream
Bread and butter
Knife and fork
Fish and chips
Buttons and bows
Peanut butter and jelly
Pencil and paper
Wine and cheese
Hammer and nail
Needle and thread
I'll prolly never know the answer, but that's ok. Me no likey pepper on food. Can't stand Gin. Never wear socks. No cream in coffee and ain't real fond of peaches. I do eat bread and butter, I love white bread but WebMD says 'don't buy that crap, eat wheat instead', yuck, but I do.. I hate fish.. Buttons and bows, I ain't dainty.. I loves me some peanut butter, but no thanks on the jelly, it's PB and bananas for me.. I'm lefthanded so I smudge the pencil writing on the paper.. Not a great fan of wine, but I can down a big ole chunka cheese before you can say snickerfritz.. hammer/nail never ends well.. and finally I've had a pair of perfectly good Levis that have a belt loop that's been torn for 7 years and I ain't sewn it..
That's MY list and I'm sticking to it.. or.. well.. I guess I ain't sticking to it. That Velcro crap again.
"Velcro: what a rip-off." Tim Vine
Sappy, but I love it:
"At the end of the day, you can either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's keeping you together." Anonymous
"Relationships last long not because they're destined to last long. Relationships last long because two brave people made a choice. To keep it, fight for it and to work for it." Unknown
"Let's not forget it's you and me vs. the problem, no you vs. me." Unknown.
(Unknown and anonymous, they're wise sumbitches.)
I Velcroed for 7 years, 20+ years, a year or two or three here and there.. but that "RIP" sound always happened. (And thankfully, RIP means rip/tear, not the other RIP.)
Maybe that Gorilla Glue Company SHOULD re-invent Velcro. Trump/Mueller, Blue/Red, Cruz/Beto, Hawley/McCaskill, Biden/Ryan, Hatfield/McCoy, Archie/Meathead, Goofus/Gallant, and then maybe me/and a rich, 60-something divorced blonde, height/weight proportionate don't matter as long as she owns her own home and has a bathtub.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it, so to speak.
Love,
Velcroturd
No comments:
Post a Comment