The hurricane devastated the family home of the Mutt family.
Planks, platforms and shingles of their home were strewn from Mexico City Beach, clean over to Panama City. Like so many this day.. like so many this day and age... they were lost.
Ole Blue managed to swim into the rising waters and lock his jaws on Lil Max (we call him Pup), hand him over to Mom (Daisy).. then, he quickly swam back and latched onto Sadie and brought her ashore to safety.
After sittin' a spell to dry off.. catch their wits.. discuss 'tomorrow' (and today), they loaded up the family wagon with what dog biscuits they had left.. a big ole bucket o' water.. and they'd found a big chunka of ice floatin' by the Circle K.. they placed it in the small bucket they found - and put the last quart of milk in there to keep it cold enough for it to hopefully last for a few days so they could drink it in celebration of Sadie's 2nd birthday.
"Where do we go?" offered Pup.. "Our country's a mess."
"Sure enough," countered Blue.. "but we'll get on our paws and hind quarters, say a prayer, and then hopefully land somewhere near sanity."
They spent their final night in their now destroyed town under the only remaining shelter house at the City Park.. Bright and early, Blue and Daisy woke the kids - and the wagon rolled North.
First town they came upon: Insurance. "Hey, this looks like a cool place" Pup muttered.. "Yeah, it does, it's really clean.. but son, here, they 'vetya', we can't stay here."... "Whaddya mean they 'vetya' Pops?"... Daisy glanced at Blue.. Blue finally opened with "Well son, we never told you, but long ago you got mange.. Doc fixed ya up all nice and good, and you're really fine now - but because mange is on your record, they won't let you live in Insurance."... The excitement left Pup (and Sadie).. so they laid down in back of the wagon in hopes of comin' upon a town where all could go, peacefully coexist.
After a few dog yawns, Blue pulled into Hate to get gas. Sadie's eyeballs popped open, tiredly she offered "Hey, can we live here? Can we mom, dad.. canwe?".. "Well," Daisy spoke up, "no, I'm very sorry.. this really is a sad town. Some don't like Rots, others abhor Dachshunds..they even recently ran the last Greyhound outta town."..."Mom, why is there hate?"..."We're not real sure. It's hard to understand, hard to see from our paws - there just is. We must continue on and seek a place where there is love."
After a windy stretch of turns, several hills and valleys - they arrived in Bipartisan. Up on all fours peekin' out the window, the curious Pup offered "Hey dad, why are all the homes boarded up here? It looks like a ghost town." Blue had heard about this place. "Well, at one time, they had the very coolest Dog Park this sidea Nashville, all the dogs would come, sniff..oh, there was an occasional tussle, spat, a barkin', a bitin'..but for the most part, they got along in spite of their differences.. then one day they ran outta doggy poop scooper bags. The stench got so bad, it made every dog mad - even the town's oldest Golden Retriever ended up not talking to any Mastiffs.. I hear tell they 'beat paws', and there ain't none of 'em coming back any time soon."
There was still plenty of daylight left for more miles - so the wagon muttered along. As they went through a grove Sadie piped up.. "It's a shame." "Whatta ya mean? Mom said. "Well Mom, look how beautiful it is all around.. we've been thru towns where dogs won't allow certain dogs to live.. anudder where dogs hate other dogs.. and then one that smelled so bad, everyone vamoosed." "I know," Daisy said as she sought the right answer to give.."I just don't really know what's going on in our world today.. it was so happy when I was a pup.."
As they crested the next hill, they came upon Bedroom. "Why do they call it 'Bedroom' dad?".. "Well," said Blue, "I hear tell, they named it that, because they don't really care what goes on in someone's Bedroom.. they figure it's nonea the other folk's business, so - they named it Bedroom." "Can we live here then Dad, we're tired and just wanna sleep for the night" a restless Pup pleaded. "No, I'm sorry son.. we're dogs.. you know we ain't allowed on beds.. besides, we're supposed to live in a dog house, we gotta keep on keepin on."
Ten or so miles down the road, they saw some signs that appeared to have three words.. but they were written in foreign language. Getting Daisy's curiosity, "What'd that say Mom?".. "I don't know honey, it looked to be written in Arabic or something.".. Another sign written in foreign language appeared.. "Dad, what's that one?" Pup asked.. "Well, I'm not real sure Son. I think it might be written in Burmese," Blue shot back.. Finally, they came onto the outskirts and the sign was written in English.. "Welcome to Asylum.. Home of Love, Peace and Thanks."...Sadie, just old enough to now cipher a few words, excitedly said "Love, Peace and Thanks! Wow, that's great, do they have dog houses here? Can we stay here Mom, Dad?"... Again, Daisy glanced at Blue.. Blue had already timed it where he'd glanced at her the exact same moment... Without really knowing what or how to say, Blue answered with "Well Daisy, we're just not sure. We're not sure exactly who/what to believe. We are of the opinion Asylum is a very good thing, then there's folks who will tell you 'There's nothing but crazies in Asylum,', we'd maybe better roll on."
By now, the pups had already taken 12 dog naps.. they'd behaved pretty decently - but the trip to become 'unlost' was starting to even wear on Blue and Daisy too... They held each other's paws and said a silent prayer.
Their trip started with devastation... went thru hatrid, stench, medical woes, infighting, questions about who/what to believe.. they were almost to the end of their doggy rope - when over the horizon it appeared:
Welcome to Heaven on Earth.
Ole Blues ears perked up. Daisy's left rear leg started flicking excitedly back and forth like a good backscratchin'.. The pups had their paws on the front seat, panting like you wouldn't believe. "Is this it Dad? Is this our new home? Are we no longer lost? Is there hatrid here? Do Retrievers and Mastiffs get along here? Can we sleep in any room of the house here?"... "Well," Blue giggled under his breath, "that's a lotta questions, but yes.. I think we've found a home." "YIPPEEEEEEE" Pup and Sadie screamed excitedly!!!! "Can we have the milk now?" Said Daisy, one day shy of her birthday.. "One thing at a time," Mom laughed, "one thing at a time.. let's just be happy we're in Heaven, where it's fer sure there's love and peace - and we should be thankful for that."
Just when the World grasped, choked, guffawed and morale lapsed... We reached Heaven - and the moral is:
All Dogs go to Heaven. May the day come we humans do as well.
By Heinrich Gibson (A German Shephard)
Love, Victurd
Tuesday, October 30, 2018
Sunday, October 21, 2018
Wait for it…..
Suffice to say we’ve all seen the videos with this suggestion.. warning.. Reminder.. May be like a yap dog bugging, hounding, persistently yapping/barking at an old, wise, calm, laying down hound seemingly ignoring the ‘yapper‘.. Finally, the old hound has had enough - one quick bark/lunge and the yap dog is sent 12 feet back in a millisec..
Life likens this. Wait to walk.. Wait to get this damn diaper off.. Wait to go to school.. Middle school.. Summer.. Junior High..Summer.. High School.. Wait to drive.. Wait to get the heck outta high school.. Vote…
I remember once having a flat belly, wearing embarrassingly short shorts, playing on the high school basketball team. We’d be in the locker room prior to game start, and the cheerleaders would lead the crowd in a chant.. “Waitin’, waitin’… waitin’ for the Bluejays”… finally we emerged.. And quickly submerged.. I think we finished 7-14. “We waited.. For this?”
Wait for it.
Friday. Payday.. Spring. Summer. Fall. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Marriage. “I waited for this?” jk. Kinda sorta.
You wait for kids…. To finally leave.
November 6th.
2020.
VICTOR! Sorry.. Been twiddling my thumbs waiting.
Out and about, finding a place to pee. It comes to a point, there ain’t no more waiting.
I’ve found, sometimes, waiting can be torturous. When Mickey D’s came up with the idea to add a SECOND drive thru lane - they shoulda known they were asking for trouble. I recently heard about an old codger that pulled to the outside lane. He waited. And waited. And waited. Crickets. No snotnose voice. Over a minute later, a car finally pulls into the inside lane, and IMMEDIATELY snotnose says to that car “Hi, and welcome to Mickey D’s, may I take your order?” The old codger fumed, dropped the car outta park and headed to the first window. There, he was met by a quizzical snotnose face who looked at him, looked at the empty order screen,glanced back at the codger with that “Whothehellareyouandwhatdoyouwant” face.. He finally said “I think my speaker is broke… so I pulled around.” She took his order, and he fell into his rightful, earned place in line.
WELL, I was tired of waiting. Sorry. Kinda.
“Patience is not simply the ability to wait - it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.” Joyce Meyer. (I bet you woulda pulled up too Joyce.)
Cutting in line takes a lot of mental energy.
Ya wait for grandkids. Ya wait for company to come, leave. Ya wait for your favorite TV show.. Oh, I know there’s On Demand, but I ain’t got that kinda patience. I see/talk to someone in advance, and it never fails I hear, without wanting to hear, how the show ended. What team won. The final score. I ain’t gonna wait for that.
I once bought the wrong size socks for my grands from WallyWorld at Christmas time. My daughter inlaw and I were headed there for something else on the 26th, and she said “I think I’ll grab those socks and exchange them.” Without suggesting she was crazy, I told her she was crazy. As we entered, there it was.. The Return line for Customer Service.. It went all the way to Kearney, then around Excelsior, thru Mosby, and back inside the WallyWorld in our hometown. “I don’t think I’ll wait for it” she said.
Some website figured all about Waiting for it:
20 minutes a day for the bus.. 32 at doc’s office.. 28 minutes in security line waiting to travel.. 21 minutes for significant other when waiting to go out.. 13 hours a year on hold for customer service.. 38 hours a year waiting in traffic..
Wait for it.
Human beings spend approximately 6 months of their lives waiting in line for things - that’s three days a year.
And, it’s been 13 years (this time) in waiting for Mrs. Victurd. Oh well, the longer ‘she’ waits, the more of me she’ll get. I loves me some processed food, chips, fries, cheese, yada. ("There was no need to cremate him.. his skeletal remains were found in his easy chair, with his laptop on Match.com")
“If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.” Morris West. (I bet Morris woulda driven up at Mickey D’s that day too.)
“Waitin’, waitin’, waitin’ for the Bluejays.
Suckers.
Love, Victurd
Life likens this. Wait to walk.. Wait to get this damn diaper off.. Wait to go to school.. Middle school.. Summer.. Junior High..Summer.. High School.. Wait to drive.. Wait to get the heck outta high school.. Vote…
I remember once having a flat belly, wearing embarrassingly short shorts, playing on the high school basketball team. We’d be in the locker room prior to game start, and the cheerleaders would lead the crowd in a chant.. “Waitin’, waitin’… waitin’ for the Bluejays”… finally we emerged.. And quickly submerged.. I think we finished 7-14. “We waited.. For this?”
Wait for it.
Friday. Payday.. Spring. Summer. Fall. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Marriage. “I waited for this?” jk. Kinda sorta.
You wait for kids…. To finally leave.
November 6th.
2020.
VICTOR! Sorry.. Been twiddling my thumbs waiting.
Out and about, finding a place to pee. It comes to a point, there ain’t no more waiting.
I’ve found, sometimes, waiting can be torturous. When Mickey D’s came up with the idea to add a SECOND drive thru lane - they shoulda known they were asking for trouble. I recently heard about an old codger that pulled to the outside lane. He waited. And waited. And waited. Crickets. No snotnose voice. Over a minute later, a car finally pulls into the inside lane, and IMMEDIATELY snotnose says to that car “Hi, and welcome to Mickey D’s, may I take your order?” The old codger fumed, dropped the car outta park and headed to the first window. There, he was met by a quizzical snotnose face who looked at him, looked at the empty order screen,glanced back at the codger with that “Whothehellareyouandwhatdoyouwant” face.. He finally said “I think my speaker is broke… so I pulled around.” She took his order, and he fell into his rightful, earned place in line.
WELL, I was tired of waiting. Sorry. Kinda.
“Patience is not simply the ability to wait - it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.” Joyce Meyer. (I bet you woulda pulled up too Joyce.)
Cutting in line takes a lot of mental energy.
Ya wait for grandkids. Ya wait for company to come, leave. Ya wait for your favorite TV show.. Oh, I know there’s On Demand, but I ain’t got that kinda patience. I see/talk to someone in advance, and it never fails I hear, without wanting to hear, how the show ended. What team won. The final score. I ain’t gonna wait for that.
I once bought the wrong size socks for my grands from WallyWorld at Christmas time. My daughter inlaw and I were headed there for something else on the 26th, and she said “I think I’ll grab those socks and exchange them.” Without suggesting she was crazy, I told her she was crazy. As we entered, there it was.. The Return line for Customer Service.. It went all the way to Kearney, then around Excelsior, thru Mosby, and back inside the WallyWorld in our hometown. “I don’t think I’ll wait for it” she said.
Some website figured all about Waiting for it:
20 minutes a day for the bus.. 32 at doc’s office.. 28 minutes in security line waiting to travel.. 21 minutes for significant other when waiting to go out.. 13 hours a year on hold for customer service.. 38 hours a year waiting in traffic..
Wait for it.
Human beings spend approximately 6 months of their lives waiting in line for things - that’s three days a year.
And, it’s been 13 years (this time) in waiting for Mrs. Victurd. Oh well, the longer ‘she’ waits, the more of me she’ll get. I loves me some processed food, chips, fries, cheese, yada. ("There was no need to cremate him.. his skeletal remains were found in his easy chair, with his laptop on Match.com")
“If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.” Morris West. (I bet Morris woulda driven up at Mickey D’s that day too.)
“Waitin’, waitin’, waitin’ for the Bluejays.
Suckers.
Love, Victurd
Friday, October 19, 2018
I think I'll try Velcro.......
I'm not the brightest bulb on the porch ("We know Victor" said a collective 50-some that occasionally read this stupid blog.)
However, after quite a few years of consistent, faithful exercise (looking for my remote), and then agreeing to purchase Amazon/Fire Stick so I could buy too much, get it here fast though, free shipping - THUS, I got a 'second remote', the Fire stick, something needed to be done.
One more and I can juggle. But, then again, I can never find the bastards.........so
A trip to WallyWorld, a purchase of sufficient Velcro.. rigged up both remotes with Velcro to the end table RIGHT NEXT TO the easy chair that I sit at too many damn hours a day, and presto, I find myself a genius. (If you believe I really feel that way, please know I had to Google genius to learn how to spell it. Thus far though, it works for me, unless I carry one to go pee, or get more coffee, or to put more clothing on because I'm a tightass and my thermostat is set at 63.)
Politics, Velcro. Ha. Eighteen days until the election - something tells me that even if the Gorilla Glue Company comes out with a mega-hella-strong Velcro, bipartisan won't happen. OK, no more politics. I promise. (Fingers crossed behind my back.)
Does Velcro wear out? I see, read, admire SO MANY of my coupled friends that smooched when they were 16 or so, it stuck, and they've now been Velcro'ed (is that a word?) together forty, fitty, sixty, seventy plus years. Kudos. You was Velcro before that crap was cool, and even before it was invented. And, at the risk of embarrassment (sorry, kinda): Zerrs, Burks, Andersons, Dillons, Gallups, Schwabauers, Gavels, Soltys's, Peases, Evans, Clevengers, Estes's, Smithmiers, Tomlinsons, Lalumondieres, etc, etc, etc (and I know I missed a buttload of other Velcros.. again, kudos)
Me? I always end up getting Velcro, but it always seems the boogers that packaged it didn't put the necessary fuzzy part along with the harder, stick to me part...... doesn't work.. and I end up playing Sudoku, watching CNN (sorry, slipped), golfing, time with grands, a happy hour or seven.. alone. It even rained and it didn't stick. HUH? You know, "you and me and rain on the roof."
"Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro." Dave Barry
Velcro:
Salt and pepper
Gin and Tonic
Shoes and socks
Coffee and cream
Peaches and cream
Bread and butter
Knife and fork
Fish and chips
Buttons and bows
Peanut butter and jelly
Pencil and paper
Wine and cheese
Hammer and nail
Needle and thread
I'll prolly never know the answer, but that's ok. Me no likey pepper on food. Can't stand Gin. Never wear socks. No cream in coffee and ain't real fond of peaches. I do eat bread and butter, I love white bread but WebMD says 'don't buy that crap, eat wheat instead', yuck, but I do.. I hate fish.. Buttons and bows, I ain't dainty.. I loves me some peanut butter, but no thanks on the jelly, it's PB and bananas for me.. I'm lefthanded so I smudge the pencil writing on the paper.. Not a great fan of wine, but I can down a big ole chunka cheese before you can say snickerfritz.. hammer/nail never ends well.. and finally I've had a pair of perfectly good Levis that have a belt loop that's been torn for 7 years and I ain't sewn it..
That's MY list and I'm sticking to it.. or.. well.. I guess I ain't sticking to it. That Velcro crap again.
"Velcro: what a rip-off." Tim Vine
Sappy, but I love it:
"At the end of the day, you can either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's keeping you together." Anonymous
"Relationships last long not because they're destined to last long. Relationships last long because two brave people made a choice. To keep it, fight for it and to work for it." Unknown
"Let's not forget it's you and me vs. the problem, no you vs. me." Unknown.
(Unknown and anonymous, they're wise sumbitches.)
I Velcroed for 7 years, 20+ years, a year or two or three here and there.. but that "RIP" sound always happened. (And thankfully, RIP means rip/tear, not the other RIP.)
Maybe that Gorilla Glue Company SHOULD re-invent Velcro. Trump/Mueller, Blue/Red, Cruz/Beto, Hawley/McCaskill, Biden/Ryan, Hatfield/McCoy, Archie/Meathead, Goofus/Gallant, and then maybe me/and a rich, 60-something divorced blonde, height/weight proportionate don't matter as long as she owns her own home and has a bathtub.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it, so to speak.
Love,
Velcroturd
However, after quite a few years of consistent, faithful exercise (looking for my remote), and then agreeing to purchase Amazon/Fire Stick so I could buy too much, get it here fast though, free shipping - THUS, I got a 'second remote', the Fire stick, something needed to be done.
One more and I can juggle. But, then again, I can never find the bastards.........so
A trip to WallyWorld, a purchase of sufficient Velcro.. rigged up both remotes with Velcro to the end table RIGHT NEXT TO the easy chair that I sit at too many damn hours a day, and presto, I find myself a genius. (If you believe I really feel that way, please know I had to Google genius to learn how to spell it. Thus far though, it works for me, unless I carry one to go pee, or get more coffee, or to put more clothing on because I'm a tightass and my thermostat is set at 63.)
Politics, Velcro. Ha. Eighteen days until the election - something tells me that even if the Gorilla Glue Company comes out with a mega-hella-strong Velcro, bipartisan won't happen. OK, no more politics. I promise. (Fingers crossed behind my back.)
Does Velcro wear out? I see, read, admire SO MANY of my coupled friends that smooched when they were 16 or so, it stuck, and they've now been Velcro'ed (is that a word?) together forty, fitty, sixty, seventy plus years. Kudos. You was Velcro before that crap was cool, and even before it was invented. And, at the risk of embarrassment (sorry, kinda): Zerrs, Burks, Andersons, Dillons, Gallups, Schwabauers, Gavels, Soltys's, Peases, Evans, Clevengers, Estes's, Smithmiers, Tomlinsons, Lalumondieres, etc, etc, etc (and I know I missed a buttload of other Velcros.. again, kudos)
Me? I always end up getting Velcro, but it always seems the boogers that packaged it didn't put the necessary fuzzy part along with the harder, stick to me part...... doesn't work.. and I end up playing Sudoku, watching CNN (sorry, slipped), golfing, time with grands, a happy hour or seven.. alone. It even rained and it didn't stick. HUH? You know, "you and me and rain on the roof."
"Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro." Dave Barry
Velcro:
Salt and pepper
Gin and Tonic
Shoes and socks
Coffee and cream
Peaches and cream
Bread and butter
Knife and fork
Fish and chips
Buttons and bows
Peanut butter and jelly
Pencil and paper
Wine and cheese
Hammer and nail
Needle and thread
I'll prolly never know the answer, but that's ok. Me no likey pepper on food. Can't stand Gin. Never wear socks. No cream in coffee and ain't real fond of peaches. I do eat bread and butter, I love white bread but WebMD says 'don't buy that crap, eat wheat instead', yuck, but I do.. I hate fish.. Buttons and bows, I ain't dainty.. I loves me some peanut butter, but no thanks on the jelly, it's PB and bananas for me.. I'm lefthanded so I smudge the pencil writing on the paper.. Not a great fan of wine, but I can down a big ole chunka cheese before you can say snickerfritz.. hammer/nail never ends well.. and finally I've had a pair of perfectly good Levis that have a belt loop that's been torn for 7 years and I ain't sewn it..
That's MY list and I'm sticking to it.. or.. well.. I guess I ain't sticking to it. That Velcro crap again.
"Velcro: what a rip-off." Tim Vine
Sappy, but I love it:
"At the end of the day, you can either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's keeping you together." Anonymous
"Relationships last long not because they're destined to last long. Relationships last long because two brave people made a choice. To keep it, fight for it and to work for it." Unknown
"Let's not forget it's you and me vs. the problem, no you vs. me." Unknown.
(Unknown and anonymous, they're wise sumbitches.)
I Velcroed for 7 years, 20+ years, a year or two or three here and there.. but that "RIP" sound always happened. (And thankfully, RIP means rip/tear, not the other RIP.)
Maybe that Gorilla Glue Company SHOULD re-invent Velcro. Trump/Mueller, Blue/Red, Cruz/Beto, Hawley/McCaskill, Biden/Ryan, Hatfield/McCoy, Archie/Meathead, Goofus/Gallant, and then maybe me/and a rich, 60-something divorced blonde, height/weight proportionate don't matter as long as she owns her own home and has a bathtub.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it, so to speak.
Love,
Velcroturd
Thursday, October 18, 2018
Of rivets and rivers.........
What's your theme?
Huh?
Well, we all know life is, can be, should be a world of fun.
Speakinowhich, Worlds of Fun happens to be a theme park right here in River City, but in this River City there ain't no capital B that rhymes with P that stands for pool. Kinda sorta.
Well, there is a pool, Oceans of Fun, but that ain't gots no B either. Marketing gurus put heads together and figured out, "let's offer one ticket, and ya getta play/go/do at BOTH theme parks" when their bosses looked at them earlier and said "get more people in here, or don't let the door hitya in the arse." Both does start with B, which rhymes with P, that stands for pool. (The water type, not he billiard type.)
So......... you pull into the parking lot. It's a nice day. You get outta the car... drum roll... WHICH? What's your life theme? Do you head for World's of Fun, traverse the up/down roller coasters (Mamba, Patriot, Timberwolf, yada), spin out on Cyclone Sams, Spinning Dragons, the Bamboozier........ or, do you prefer worshipping the sun, gettin' in ur swimsuit - slip sliding away... opting for Oceans of Fun where you can gravitate down extreme water slides, run thru geysers and fountains, surf the wave pool, negotiate the giant water house, hit up the kiddy park, or - mebbe veg' out on the Caribbean Cooler lazy river ride?
YOUR LIFE THEME DEPENDS ON THIS CHOICE!
The Parenthood granny offered: "You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster."
Gil: "oh?"
Granny: "Up, down, up, down. Oh what a ride!"
Gil: "What a great story."
Granny: "I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."
(In this story, Gil was being facetious of his grandma. Gil's wife Karen offered up "I happen to LIKE the roller coaster, okay? As far as I'm concerned, your grandmother is brilliant." Gil countered with "If she's so brilliant, why is she sitting in our neighbor's car?!" (Understandable, all the cars on a rollercoaster are similar.)
My take. Life gives us no choice. We must all, at some/many points, ride the rollercoaster. Thunderbolt and lightning very very frightening me, Gallileo, Gallileo, Gallileo, Gallileo, Gallileo Figaro - magnifico. My opine only, I fear steel girders. There was pride when Rosie was a riveter, but now, them dudes that are supposedly tightening the bolts are prolly minimum wage. Besides, I no wanna sit in 6th car when snotnose in 3rd car upchucks. Has nothing to do with incontinence. Kinda sorta.
GIVE ME THE LAZY RIVER RIDE ANY OLE DAY. Round and round and round. No effort. No commotion. Ahhhhhhh. (Absolutely NOTHING to do with women in bikini's).. OK, maybe an added plus... but except for moments in life when I get in a pissy-faced political argument - I very much do prefer calm.. quiet.. serene.. round and round.. no waves.. yum. And then:
I ain't much into health food or champagne.. don't mind getting caught in the rain.. criminy I can't remember makin' love at midnight.. but, I would top the Theme Park off by tossing a Pina Colada down at the swim up bar.
So.......... up down, up down.
Spinning, round and round.
Slip sliding away...
Or, the lazy river?
Or, do you burn candle at both ends, wanna fetch two outfits, try both parks same day?
NONE OF THE ABOVE offers any kind of exercise - but that's cool. At our age, we'll walk over a mile just looking for our car as we exit.
Rivets, rivers, World or Ocean - life is fun. Beats the hell outta the alternative.
Scaramouch Scaramouch - what's your fandango?
By Henry Gibson and Lamar Hunt.
Love, Victurd
Huh?
Well, we all know life is, can be, should be a world of fun.
Speakinowhich, Worlds of Fun happens to be a theme park right here in River City, but in this River City there ain't no capital B that rhymes with P that stands for pool. Kinda sorta.
Well, there is a pool, Oceans of Fun, but that ain't gots no B either. Marketing gurus put heads together and figured out, "let's offer one ticket, and ya getta play/go/do at BOTH theme parks" when their bosses looked at them earlier and said "get more people in here, or don't let the door hitya in the arse." Both does start with B, which rhymes with P, that stands for pool. (The water type, not he billiard type.)
So......... you pull into the parking lot. It's a nice day. You get outta the car... drum roll... WHICH? What's your life theme? Do you head for World's of Fun, traverse the up/down roller coasters (Mamba, Patriot, Timberwolf, yada), spin out on Cyclone Sams, Spinning Dragons, the Bamboozier........ or, do you prefer worshipping the sun, gettin' in ur swimsuit - slip sliding away... opting for Oceans of Fun where you can gravitate down extreme water slides, run thru geysers and fountains, surf the wave pool, negotiate the giant water house, hit up the kiddy park, or - mebbe veg' out on the Caribbean Cooler lazy river ride?
YOUR LIFE THEME DEPENDS ON THIS CHOICE!
The Parenthood granny offered: "You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster."
Gil: "oh?"
Granny: "Up, down, up, down. Oh what a ride!"
Gil: "What a great story."
Granny: "I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."
(In this story, Gil was being facetious of his grandma. Gil's wife Karen offered up "I happen to LIKE the roller coaster, okay? As far as I'm concerned, your grandmother is brilliant." Gil countered with "If she's so brilliant, why is she sitting in our neighbor's car?!" (Understandable, all the cars on a rollercoaster are similar.)
My take. Life gives us no choice. We must all, at some/many points, ride the rollercoaster. Thunderbolt and lightning very very frightening me, Gallileo, Gallileo, Gallileo, Gallileo, Gallileo Figaro - magnifico. My opine only, I fear steel girders. There was pride when Rosie was a riveter, but now, them dudes that are supposedly tightening the bolts are prolly minimum wage. Besides, I no wanna sit in 6th car when snotnose in 3rd car upchucks. Has nothing to do with incontinence. Kinda sorta.
GIVE ME THE LAZY RIVER RIDE ANY OLE DAY. Round and round and round. No effort. No commotion. Ahhhhhhh. (Absolutely NOTHING to do with women in bikini's).. OK, maybe an added plus... but except for moments in life when I get in a pissy-faced political argument - I very much do prefer calm.. quiet.. serene.. round and round.. no waves.. yum. And then:
I ain't much into health food or champagne.. don't mind getting caught in the rain.. criminy I can't remember makin' love at midnight.. but, I would top the Theme Park off by tossing a Pina Colada down at the swim up bar.
So.......... up down, up down.
Spinning, round and round.
Slip sliding away...
Or, the lazy river?
Or, do you burn candle at both ends, wanna fetch two outfits, try both parks same day?
NONE OF THE ABOVE offers any kind of exercise - but that's cool. At our age, we'll walk over a mile just looking for our car as we exit.
Rivets, rivers, World or Ocean - life is fun. Beats the hell outta the alternative.
Scaramouch Scaramouch - what's your fandango?
By Henry Gibson and Lamar Hunt.
Love, Victurd
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
Ya got me going in circles...........
I'm an ever rollin' wheel, without a destination real...
I'm an ever spinning top, whirling around till I drop...
Oh, but what am I to do, my mind is in a whirlpool......
You got me going in circles, oh oh around and around I go.
I'm spun out over........... ahm, finding a topic.
A very nice friend (probably inebriated, jk) suggested I should submit somea this junk to a newspaper.
So... I sats myself down.. pictured me, in a team of horses, dude up on the stagecoach with a whip, screaming "WRITE DAMNIT, WRITE!"
And that's a hard thing when there ain't nuttin' on the brain. I thought about writing simply about thinking. When you're a kid, there ain't no time to think. You go, do, mostly free will, and then you collapse into bed at the enda the day.
As a bustling parent, you go (to work), you do ('cause ya haveta), you come home, you do s'more, and s'more.. then you collapse into bed. Ain't no sunshine.. no that ain't it.. Ain't no time to think. Bills to pay, clothes to wash, food to cook. Oh, ya might find a moment to think "why doesn't anyone say THANKS?".. but that won't help things.
Then, flash.. allofasudden you're an old fart. You got nuttin' but time. You lucky ones, gots someone to bounce ideas off of. If you're even lucky enough to have a really good relationship, you sometimes might bounce an idea, and then hear "that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." When there ain't no one to bounce ideas offa - you say, do, think - stupid things, unbridled.
Circle came to mind. I thought about continually driving around our oldtime Square downtown. You'd have to be "Liberty" to understand, but there ain'tno stopsigns, yet, people stop at every damn turn. The speed limit is 15 I think, yet, people drive 6. "Look at that old building over there Gertrude!" You notice the Johnson County tags (close your ears, my take, mostly uppity) and you kinda wanna drive your less than $5K vehicle into their bumper with "Oh, excuse me." I didn't, don't, but been tempted. Then, even without having a mate, I was able to tell myself "Victor, that's a friggin' Square, it ain't no circle, that's the stupidest idea I've ever heard." So, I trudge on.
Life is, though, my take, kinda a circle. You're a kid. You go, do, stupid. Then there's that middle part where you're forced to be responsible, No time left for you, No time, no time, no time, no time..
No no no time, no no time, no time, no time
I got, got, got, got no time..
I got, got, got, got no time for you..
Then, presto, you're an old fart. You got nuttin' but time. Once again you're a kid. You go, do, stupid. Now that's a circle.
George Carlin says the weather forecast is light, turning to dark, turning to light. Circle.
Nature, and the fancy 12 month calendar they giveya free every year (circle) at Nelle Belle's café tellsya we start out cold, get wet, things grow, leaves happen, get green, damned hot, we get wet again, frost/pumpkins happen, leaves turn burnt orange, leaves fall off, then it gets damn cold again. Circle.
Ya leave home plate with the expressed intent to go to first, then second, third, to get back to home, right where you started. Circle, kinda, if you run fast enough.
You're born, can't walk.. stand, albeit gingerly, walk, fall, walk, fall.. eventually run. You do that run crap for another fitty/sixty years, then, you walk, fall, walk, fall, stand, albeit gingerly, fall, then you can't walk. A circle.
"It's the circle of life, and it moves us all, through despair and hope, through faith and love, 'till we find our place, on the path unwinding." Elton John....... I ain't really sure how to take Elton though. On the one hand, he's 71, has two children under the age of ten (that ain't the regular ole regular circle).. then, on the other hand, who among us, once the pitter patter of little feet outgrew it's cuteness, didn't think about "Honey, I'm leaving now, going on tour, I'll see you in three years."
Life is packed with circles. Pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters. Clocks, wheels, boobies, PIZZA. The moon, the sun, gonads. You didn't? Yes, sorry, I did. Ha, stick that one in the newspaper! Rings, zero, smiley faces, frowny faces.
OK, I'm done. Gone full circle, sorry, kinda.
Tune in tomorrow, same damn Bat-blog.. same damn circle "whatinthehell do I write about today (newspaper editor)."
I might formally introduce my invention. Nailtures. Huh? Yeah, we gots dentures for old farts.. No more cause for alarm, dental visits, Novocain shots, costly bills. I am going to invent nailtures. Once you go through the one-time pain of having all your damn toenails pulled off/out, they're replaced with shiny nailtures. I, at present, am pretty good at clipping the toenails of the big toe, and the one next to it. Older I get, the more my belly becomes rounder, the more trouble I have clipping toes 3, 4 and 5. By the time I finally do get to the 5th one, it's usually, of course, turned under, making it even harder. Fortunate though as I know some in 'our age group' and beyond that can't clip their toenails. Whatever you do, don't think about "how do they wipe their butt then?" It's a vicious circle. "Ahm, Mr Schultze, we'd prefer that you NEVER submit an article again to our newspaper." Ahm, OK.
Ride a painted pony let the spinnin' wheel spin. Ya got me going in circles.......
Love, Victurd
I'm an ever spinning top, whirling around till I drop...
Oh, but what am I to do, my mind is in a whirlpool......
You got me going in circles, oh oh around and around I go.
I'm spun out over........... ahm, finding a topic.
A very nice friend (probably inebriated, jk) suggested I should submit somea this junk to a newspaper.
So... I sats myself down.. pictured me, in a team of horses, dude up on the stagecoach with a whip, screaming "WRITE DAMNIT, WRITE!"
And that's a hard thing when there ain't nuttin' on the brain. I thought about writing simply about thinking. When you're a kid, there ain't no time to think. You go, do, mostly free will, and then you collapse into bed at the enda the day.
As a bustling parent, you go (to work), you do ('cause ya haveta), you come home, you do s'more, and s'more.. then you collapse into bed. Ain't no sunshine.. no that ain't it.. Ain't no time to think. Bills to pay, clothes to wash, food to cook. Oh, ya might find a moment to think "why doesn't anyone say THANKS?".. but that won't help things.
Then, flash.. allofasudden you're an old fart. You got nuttin' but time. You lucky ones, gots someone to bounce ideas off of. If you're even lucky enough to have a really good relationship, you sometimes might bounce an idea, and then hear "that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." When there ain't no one to bounce ideas offa - you say, do, think - stupid things, unbridled.
Circle came to mind. I thought about continually driving around our oldtime Square downtown. You'd have to be "Liberty" to understand, but there ain'tno stopsigns, yet, people stop at every damn turn. The speed limit is 15 I think, yet, people drive 6. "Look at that old building over there Gertrude!" You notice the Johnson County tags (close your ears, my take, mostly uppity) and you kinda wanna drive your less than $5K vehicle into their bumper with "Oh, excuse me." I didn't, don't, but been tempted. Then, even without having a mate, I was able to tell myself "Victor, that's a friggin' Square, it ain't no circle, that's the stupidest idea I've ever heard." So, I trudge on.
Life is, though, my take, kinda a circle. You're a kid. You go, do, stupid. Then there's that middle part where you're forced to be responsible, No time left for you, No time, no time, no time, no time..
No no no time, no no time, no time, no time
I got, got, got, got no time..
I got, got, got, got no time for you..
Then, presto, you're an old fart. You got nuttin' but time. Once again you're a kid. You go, do, stupid. Now that's a circle.
George Carlin says the weather forecast is light, turning to dark, turning to light. Circle.
Nature, and the fancy 12 month calendar they giveya free every year (circle) at Nelle Belle's café tellsya we start out cold, get wet, things grow, leaves happen, get green, damned hot, we get wet again, frost/pumpkins happen, leaves turn burnt orange, leaves fall off, then it gets damn cold again. Circle.
Ya leave home plate with the expressed intent to go to first, then second, third, to get back to home, right where you started. Circle, kinda, if you run fast enough.
You're born, can't walk.. stand, albeit gingerly, walk, fall, walk, fall.. eventually run. You do that run crap for another fitty/sixty years, then, you walk, fall, walk, fall, stand, albeit gingerly, fall, then you can't walk. A circle.
"It's the circle of life, and it moves us all, through despair and hope, through faith and love, 'till we find our place, on the path unwinding." Elton John....... I ain't really sure how to take Elton though. On the one hand, he's 71, has two children under the age of ten (that ain't the regular ole regular circle).. then, on the other hand, who among us, once the pitter patter of little feet outgrew it's cuteness, didn't think about "Honey, I'm leaving now, going on tour, I'll see you in three years."
Life is packed with circles. Pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters. Clocks, wheels, boobies, PIZZA. The moon, the sun, gonads. You didn't? Yes, sorry, I did. Ha, stick that one in the newspaper! Rings, zero, smiley faces, frowny faces.
OK, I'm done. Gone full circle, sorry, kinda.
Tune in tomorrow, same damn Bat-blog.. same damn circle "whatinthehell do I write about today (newspaper editor)."
I might formally introduce my invention. Nailtures. Huh? Yeah, we gots dentures for old farts.. No more cause for alarm, dental visits, Novocain shots, costly bills. I am going to invent nailtures. Once you go through the one-time pain of having all your damn toenails pulled off/out, they're replaced with shiny nailtures. I, at present, am pretty good at clipping the toenails of the big toe, and the one next to it. Older I get, the more my belly becomes rounder, the more trouble I have clipping toes 3, 4 and 5. By the time I finally do get to the 5th one, it's usually, of course, turned under, making it even harder. Fortunate though as I know some in 'our age group' and beyond that can't clip their toenails. Whatever you do, don't think about "how do they wipe their butt then?" It's a vicious circle. "Ahm, Mr Schultze, we'd prefer that you NEVER submit an article again to our newspaper." Ahm, OK.
Ride a painted pony let the spinnin' wheel spin. Ya got me going in circles.......
Love, Victurd
Monday, October 15, 2018
That’s a joke son…
I say, I say, that’s a joke son.
Laughter is a feel good, I don’t care how ugly I am when I look in the mirror. Psychology Today tells us it just might be the most contagious of all emotional experiences.
“Can boost the immune system, relax muscles, aid circulation (hear that fellow geezers?), and protect against heart disease. Abets mental health, lowers anxiety, releases tension, improves mood, fosters resilience. Enriches our social experience, helps defuse conflict, and allows us to successfully operate as a team.”
I happen to have what I call a ‘dumb laugh’.. low pitched, nuttin’ special, but it’s me - what I’m stuck with.
My two year old granddaughter, like all two year olds, loves to climb things - but maybe unlike some, when she gets to the top of wherever - she laughs (and laughs) aloud, for no specific reason, very aloud, eyes meeting her wrinkled papa Vic - and it very quickly becomes heaven on earth to me - and I think to her.
Ron Cottingham and I, while both Bluejay at heart - are on different teams as November, and eventually 2020 roll forward. Upon occasion, someone will post an ‘anti the other side’ thing, with no deep ill will toward the other side - light, fun, a baby dig - and he will do the laughter smiley face thing and add “this is the type of humor Johnny Carson used to use, I miss that” even though the dig was pointed at his team. (Allows us to successfully operate as a team.)
I saw, maybe five minutes of a roast of Bruce Willis. It wasn’t on a major network, thus, no FCC intervention. It was, to me anyways, repugnant. Sure, I’ve had plenty of “wash your mouth out with soap” moments - but go ahead and color me old fashion.. I see no need for frequent F bombs, “knives” inserted into guts, and then twisted.
I turned left, sorry. The point I’d like to get across (TO ME, and to all of us) is - we all need humor and I wandered off into berating ‘yucky humor’. Sorry, kinda..we do need, VERY MUCH, humor - but like fresh water, to me, it’s gotta be filtered.
“An optimist laughs to forget; a pessimist forgets to laugh.” Tom Nansbury
I miss goofy stuff - like the list of 15 observed reasons the lady got in a letter from WallyWorld indicating why her hubby was being banned from the store, sure you've seen it. Among the 15 things, he’d hid in clothes racks and voiced “Pick me, pick me!”.. Looked into the Security camera and picked his nose. Darted around store humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme. Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking. And the straw that broke camel’s back - he went into the fitting room, shut the door and yelled very loudly “Hey, somebody! I need some toilet paper in here!”
I read that joke (all the way thru) every time I see it - and after reading it, laughing, I ain’t got anxiety any more, no tension, I’m in a better mood, and while there’s no way to measure, I’m certain it’s improved my circulation too, ha.
Laughter, we need it, I say, I say. “A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” Phyllis Diller
Caught in a political argument? (Been there, high blood pressured that.) Might I suggest next time - insteada scouring Snopes, “yeah but” copy and pasting crap to counter, or name calling, or unfollowing, blocking, yada - post something like the following to maybe change the mood, get ridda the anxiety, release the tension, be in a better mood… suggestions like:
I’m horny. Or,
Someone farted. Or,
What’s the best soap on the market to get out skid marks? Or,
Has anyone ever tried saying “Unique New York” ten times, REALLY FAST?
I suggest we all get naked, then continue this argument.
I’m glad you left the toilet lid up.
It was my fault my head hit your elbow.
Has anyone noticed how attractive I am in the dark?
“From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.” Dr. Seuss.
“I have not seen anyone dying of laughter, but I know millions who are dying because they are not laughing.” Dr. Madan Kataria….
So, let’s wing a joke today..or laugh at one. We won’t shoot our eye out, we won’t go blind, we will not put Will Robinson in danger.
Climb something in your house - laugh, VERY loud, for no reason.
Life’s a joke son, I say I say.. If we let it be.
Love, Victurd
Laughter is a feel good, I don’t care how ugly I am when I look in the mirror. Psychology Today tells us it just might be the most contagious of all emotional experiences.
“Can boost the immune system, relax muscles, aid circulation (hear that fellow geezers?), and protect against heart disease. Abets mental health, lowers anxiety, releases tension, improves mood, fosters resilience. Enriches our social experience, helps defuse conflict, and allows us to successfully operate as a team.”
I happen to have what I call a ‘dumb laugh’.. low pitched, nuttin’ special, but it’s me - what I’m stuck with.
My two year old granddaughter, like all two year olds, loves to climb things - but maybe unlike some, when she gets to the top of wherever - she laughs (and laughs) aloud, for no specific reason, very aloud, eyes meeting her wrinkled papa Vic - and it very quickly becomes heaven on earth to me - and I think to her.
Ron Cottingham and I, while both Bluejay at heart - are on different teams as November, and eventually 2020 roll forward. Upon occasion, someone will post an ‘anti the other side’ thing, with no deep ill will toward the other side - light, fun, a baby dig - and he will do the laughter smiley face thing and add “this is the type of humor Johnny Carson used to use, I miss that” even though the dig was pointed at his team. (Allows us to successfully operate as a team.)
I saw, maybe five minutes of a roast of Bruce Willis. It wasn’t on a major network, thus, no FCC intervention. It was, to me anyways, repugnant. Sure, I’ve had plenty of “wash your mouth out with soap” moments - but go ahead and color me old fashion.. I see no need for frequent F bombs, “knives” inserted into guts, and then twisted.
I turned left, sorry. The point I’d like to get across (TO ME, and to all of us) is - we all need humor and I wandered off into berating ‘yucky humor’. Sorry, kinda..we do need, VERY MUCH, humor - but like fresh water, to me, it’s gotta be filtered.
“An optimist laughs to forget; a pessimist forgets to laugh.” Tom Nansbury
I miss goofy stuff - like the list of 15 observed reasons the lady got in a letter from WallyWorld indicating why her hubby was being banned from the store, sure you've seen it. Among the 15 things, he’d hid in clothes racks and voiced “Pick me, pick me!”.. Looked into the Security camera and picked his nose. Darted around store humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme. Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking. And the straw that broke camel’s back - he went into the fitting room, shut the door and yelled very loudly “Hey, somebody! I need some toilet paper in here!”
I read that joke (all the way thru) every time I see it - and after reading it, laughing, I ain’t got anxiety any more, no tension, I’m in a better mood, and while there’s no way to measure, I’m certain it’s improved my circulation too, ha.
Laughter, we need it, I say, I say. “A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” Phyllis Diller
Caught in a political argument? (Been there, high blood pressured that.) Might I suggest next time - insteada scouring Snopes, “yeah but” copy and pasting crap to counter, or name calling, or unfollowing, blocking, yada - post something like the following to maybe change the mood, get ridda the anxiety, release the tension, be in a better mood… suggestions like:
I’m horny. Or,
Someone farted. Or,
What’s the best soap on the market to get out skid marks? Or,
Has anyone ever tried saying “Unique New York” ten times, REALLY FAST?
I suggest we all get naked, then continue this argument.
I’m glad you left the toilet lid up.
It was my fault my head hit your elbow.
Has anyone noticed how attractive I am in the dark?
“From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.” Dr. Seuss.
“I have not seen anyone dying of laughter, but I know millions who are dying because they are not laughing.” Dr. Madan Kataria….
So, let’s wing a joke today..or laugh at one. We won’t shoot our eye out, we won’t go blind, we will not put Will Robinson in danger.
Climb something in your house - laugh, VERY loud, for no reason.
Life’s a joke son, I say I say.. If we let it be.
Love, Victurd
Friday, October 12, 2018
In the year 2083....
It's become commonplace for us old folks to 'brag' of things we did as a kid that kids today will probably never experience. Doesn't make us better, or our childhoods somehow exemplary - it simply means the time was special - in our own way.
I wonder, 65 or so years from now - say, in 2083 - old folks in that era will look back on things they did as a kid that kids of the 22nd Century will never perhaps get to experience.
This morning, as I awakened, it was one of those "OH THANK GOODNESS, THAT (a really real seeming dream) was just that - a dream.... so, as I so often do, I turned to yesteryear for instant comfort - to relive some times, things that were special to me...
Kids nowadays may never get to......
Proudly hold their wooden baseball bat purchased from Western Auto, but do so the wrong way, hitting off the end of the bat, cracking it. Running to Dad, maybe even Mom, who would get out the Elmer's glue.. take a screw (or two) and 'fix' the crack, then cover all that with electric tape - making it (almost) as good as new.
Pull the wagon fulla empty pop bottles to the Piggly Wiggly to get real money for their return. Then, head to the dime store to purchase heavenly sugar laced goodies... and, upon leaving the dime store, find your unpadlocked wagon just where ya left it.
Bite the end off, down every last particle of a pixie stick.
Make/wear homemade Halloween costumes. (I know, some creative parents may still do this - when we were punks, it was 'the way'.)
Ride one's bike across town, at age 9, with no parental worry. And occasionally allow your hound to run freely right beside you.
Have unwavering trust in one's little league coach, Scout leader, public school teacher, yada.
Say "Me too", meaning, you were the second one to admit to mom, dad, the neighbor lady, the teacher, principal when asked "Who did it?"
Glad this one won't happen into the future - but what fun it was to ride in the bed of a pickup truck back then.
Get that feeling when you were FINALLY excused from the dinner table so you could go....... do anything that didn't involve a handheld screen.
Fly a kite.
After the stuggle to pull in the wind resistant kite, you'd cut the string from the kite, attach a tin can to each end - and play 'walkie talkie' before walkie talkies were even invented.
Understand the meaning of "Go fly a kite."
Temporarily forget your friend's phone number, run to the phone book, problem solved.
Nervously place that one Valentine that was always the biggest, best, sweetest in the box, into an envelope, gulping, writing that name on it, sealing it up.. then gulping again when you saw the addressee open.
Feel that sting when mercurochrome was put on your cut/scraped elbow, knee, finger, yada.
Know the strength it took to comb one's hair after plastering it with Brillcreem.
How it feels, smells, to sleep on sheets dried on the clothesline.
How good it felt, and how automatic it was, to say "Yes ma'am" and "Yes sir." (Certain there are good parent/teachers who still continue this tradition though)..
Wear a white T-shirt with a magic markered # of your favorite player on it.
Before ultra competition set in, how much fun it was to start up a new sport when the season of the old one came to an end, and then the next one too. (And the admiration, respect you had for watching the First Place team get trophies.)
Climb the rope, ring the bell, burn your hands on the way down.
Have dad cutya a piece of rectangular plywood, then affix the skates your sister had outgrown to the bottom for the keenest skateboard ever.
Handwrite a letter.
Handwrite a note.
Chase a girl without having the foggiest idea what you would do if you in the unlikely event you ever caught her.
Discuss the World Series with your buddy atop the jungle gym.
Listen to a baseball game on the transistor radio with Grandpa on the front porch on a Summer night.
When stores were virtually shutdown due to the whole town being at the parade, the fireworks display, or the Friday night football game.
Down a cold mug of root beer, a grape Nehi or an orange Crush.
Sure, some things above kids will do into the future.. We won't be here in 2083, but it's hoped kids of today/tomorrow will be able to lovingly look back, remember, things passe' that kids of 2148 simply wouldn't understand, nor get he opportunity to experience.
Happy mems,
Love, Victurd
I wonder, 65 or so years from now - say, in 2083 - old folks in that era will look back on things they did as a kid that kids of the 22nd Century will never perhaps get to experience.
This morning, as I awakened, it was one of those "OH THANK GOODNESS, THAT (a really real seeming dream) was just that - a dream.... so, as I so often do, I turned to yesteryear for instant comfort - to relive some times, things that were special to me...
Kids nowadays may never get to......
Proudly hold their wooden baseball bat purchased from Western Auto, but do so the wrong way, hitting off the end of the bat, cracking it. Running to Dad, maybe even Mom, who would get out the Elmer's glue.. take a screw (or two) and 'fix' the crack, then cover all that with electric tape - making it (almost) as good as new.
Pull the wagon fulla empty pop bottles to the Piggly Wiggly to get real money for their return. Then, head to the dime store to purchase heavenly sugar laced goodies... and, upon leaving the dime store, find your unpadlocked wagon just where ya left it.
Bite the end off, down every last particle of a pixie stick.
Make/wear homemade Halloween costumes. (I know, some creative parents may still do this - when we were punks, it was 'the way'.)
Ride one's bike across town, at age 9, with no parental worry. And occasionally allow your hound to run freely right beside you.
Have unwavering trust in one's little league coach, Scout leader, public school teacher, yada.
Say "Me too", meaning, you were the second one to admit to mom, dad, the neighbor lady, the teacher, principal when asked "Who did it?"
Glad this one won't happen into the future - but what fun it was to ride in the bed of a pickup truck back then.
Get that feeling when you were FINALLY excused from the dinner table so you could go....... do anything that didn't involve a handheld screen.
Fly a kite.
After the stuggle to pull in the wind resistant kite, you'd cut the string from the kite, attach a tin can to each end - and play 'walkie talkie' before walkie talkies were even invented.
Understand the meaning of "Go fly a kite."
Temporarily forget your friend's phone number, run to the phone book, problem solved.
Nervously place that one Valentine that was always the biggest, best, sweetest in the box, into an envelope, gulping, writing that name on it, sealing it up.. then gulping again when you saw the addressee open.
Feel that sting when mercurochrome was put on your cut/scraped elbow, knee, finger, yada.
Know the strength it took to comb one's hair after plastering it with Brillcreem.
How it feels, smells, to sleep on sheets dried on the clothesline.
How good it felt, and how automatic it was, to say "Yes ma'am" and "Yes sir." (Certain there are good parent/teachers who still continue this tradition though)..
Wear a white T-shirt with a magic markered # of your favorite player on it.
Before ultra competition set in, how much fun it was to start up a new sport when the season of the old one came to an end, and then the next one too. (And the admiration, respect you had for watching the First Place team get trophies.)
Climb the rope, ring the bell, burn your hands on the way down.
Have dad cutya a piece of rectangular plywood, then affix the skates your sister had outgrown to the bottom for the keenest skateboard ever.
Handwrite a letter.
Handwrite a note.
Chase a girl without having the foggiest idea what you would do if you in the unlikely event you ever caught her.
Discuss the World Series with your buddy atop the jungle gym.
Listen to a baseball game on the transistor radio with Grandpa on the front porch on a Summer night.
When stores were virtually shutdown due to the whole town being at the parade, the fireworks display, or the Friday night football game.
Down a cold mug of root beer, a grape Nehi or an orange Crush.
Sure, some things above kids will do into the future.. We won't be here in 2083, but it's hoped kids of today/tomorrow will be able to lovingly look back, remember, things passe' that kids of 2148 simply wouldn't understand, nor get he opportunity to experience.
Happy mems,
Love, Victurd
Sunday, October 07, 2018
Sit 'n Spin............
(To confirm or not confirm whether [or not] to hit the publish button, I intend to first run an FBI investigation [Foolhearted Bullcrap Inside] to ascertain if this is, or is not, foolhearted bullcrap inside. Thanks.)
Remember the toy? Youngsters barely able to string together 5 or 6 words, sit, spin - and eventually stand up... then they are immediately jettisoned diagonally at a 45 degree angle for the nearest wall, sofa, coffee table, TV, older brother/sister, hound, cat, yada. It's fun, at the kid's expense. We should be ashamed, but then again, our parents spun us unmercifully, leggo, and laughed at similar results. So, I reckon I vote, fling 'em. They'll survive. We did.
Life, to me, is like Sit 'n Spin. I awaken daily, in bed.. lay on my back.. consternate. The hell do I do today? Whatintheheck day is it? Have I slept the normal 6 hours, or, have I just been here for 2 and 1/2 hours (that's bah'aah'aah'aahd) and I needta count more sheep. Have I overslept and I need to get my butt up now? Regardless, which of the three, I must pee. So, I get up, and I'm immediately jettisoned diagonally at a 45 degree angle - and it's on me to make my way to the toilet.
Once the hour is ciphered, the pee is complete, the stool has been flushed, and my (thin walled apartment) neighbors have been awakened at this horrendously insane hour - I head to the easy chair for more Sit 'n Spin.
Sit 'n Spin - in the form of the remote. Hulu is hella nice. It affords me to spin thru "Recent Channels", "Favorites", "All Channels", "News", "Sports", yada. It's usually ABC, followed by - no, not DEF - but by CNN (Bite me, it's a free country still, I think) and then the Golf Channel.
I watch the local news. Breaking news, a shooting in KC. Is this Ground Hog's Day I Sit 'n Spin and contemplate? The Weather follows, so I can soon Sit 'n Spin thru my closet to find apropos dress. Traffic. Many cars, Sit 'n Spin, mess up rush hour. Sports, the up/down, Sit 'n Spin of living in a small market..then again, looking around and thinking of what it would be like to live in Boise, Idaho, I'm thankful for this Kansas City Sit 'n Spin.
Facebook. Oh hell. The very definition of Sit 'n Spin. Quite the mixture of "holy crap did he/she really post that? I can't like that, my 90-something Aunt and Uncle are on here."... Did 'that one' just post another thingy about how half the country are idiots? (No matter, Repub, Dem, they seem to Sit 'n Spin in anger.)
Victor. You just read a wonderful post from your great nephew, explaining (astutely) to all of us how it ain't worth it to lose friends over Political goodies, and how we should instead devote our time and attention into relationships. Does that wanna make you want to duct tape your fingers together so you won't participate?
I sat, or, well, Sit 'n Spin'ed on that one a moment - and yes, it does make one want to stop and think... but then I see a video of "The Greatest" walking up the stairs to AF1 and he's got toilet paper stuck to his shoe - and forgive me Father, I Sat 'n Spun, but I couldn't resist being a smartass. Sorry, kinda.
And then anudder.. announcing we should all get over it, move past, be a better person, he's been confirmed. I sat, I spun (90 MPH) and I typed what I thought. Sorry great nephew, I have SpINNED. I have the same size keyboard as most, but mebbe a mouth that's twice as big as most. If I see wrong (at least, wrong, perceived by me) I don't have to Sit 'n Spin very long before I am immediately jettisoned at a 45 degree angle to reply. Sorry, again, kinda.
Thankfully, inbetween those Dem/Repub postings - there is music, jokes, pics of grandkids, puppies doing incredible things, cats looking at you with that 'be for real' look... religious posts.. all kinda other stuff to Sit 'n Spin thru without having to take an extra BP pill.
Sit 'n Spin, to me, is a wonderful thing in life. It's running things in life by our own self, then responding, reacting (or not), as me/you/I. Not just Facebook.. it's all worldly things. Our morals, or lackthereof, are formed while Sitting 'n Spinning. Our Faith in God is dependent upon us staying seated, true, to that Sit 'n Spin.
Sometimes we error.
Sometimes we remain silent.
Sometimes we speak up, hell to the yeah.
Sometimes we place toddlers on Sit 'n Spins and fling 'em into siblings, tables, easy chairs.
Retirement, I am finding, is all about Sit 'n Spin. Nah, I don't wanna do that. I know the apartment needs cleaned...tomorrow. NAP TIME!.. I think I'll take a drive. Victor, where to? Wherever in the hell I wanna, I'm retired. It's Rush Hour, but I don't care - I'm thinkin' I'll maybe drive to the BP, jump in line infronta the snotnose that's gotta be at work in 10 minutes and all he wants is $5 on pump #4, and I'll buy like 17 different kinds of scatch off tickets. Then, I'll move over on the counter, scratch 'em all off, and jump back in line infronta the next snotnose that has to be at work in 5 minutes, I'll cash in the ones I won on, then mebbe buy me 5 more. I'm thoroughly enjoying this Sit 'n Spin retirement.
I've gotta pee. Oops, sorry, I think I mentioned that.
Just got he FBI report back (Foolhearted Bullcrap Inside) and it's been confirmed, yes, there is Foolhearted Bullcrap Inside. I sat. I spun. I'm headed, immediately, diagonally, at a 45 degree angle to the "Publish" button. Sorry, kinda.
Editor's note. Do not, repeat, DO NOT, go to the Urban Definition of Sit 'n Spin.
Slip sliding away.. or, Sitting 'n Spinning away,
Love, Victurd
(You pervert, you looked any way didn't you?!!)
Remember the toy? Youngsters barely able to string together 5 or 6 words, sit, spin - and eventually stand up... then they are immediately jettisoned diagonally at a 45 degree angle for the nearest wall, sofa, coffee table, TV, older brother/sister, hound, cat, yada. It's fun, at the kid's expense. We should be ashamed, but then again, our parents spun us unmercifully, leggo, and laughed at similar results. So, I reckon I vote, fling 'em. They'll survive. We did.
Life, to me, is like Sit 'n Spin. I awaken daily, in bed.. lay on my back.. consternate. The hell do I do today? Whatintheheck day is it? Have I slept the normal 6 hours, or, have I just been here for 2 and 1/2 hours (that's bah'aah'aah'aahd) and I needta count more sheep. Have I overslept and I need to get my butt up now? Regardless, which of the three, I must pee. So, I get up, and I'm immediately jettisoned diagonally at a 45 degree angle - and it's on me to make my way to the toilet.
Once the hour is ciphered, the pee is complete, the stool has been flushed, and my (thin walled apartment) neighbors have been awakened at this horrendously insane hour - I head to the easy chair for more Sit 'n Spin.
Sit 'n Spin - in the form of the remote. Hulu is hella nice. It affords me to spin thru "Recent Channels", "Favorites", "All Channels", "News", "Sports", yada. It's usually ABC, followed by - no, not DEF - but by CNN (Bite me, it's a free country still, I think) and then the Golf Channel.
I watch the local news. Breaking news, a shooting in KC. Is this Ground Hog's Day I Sit 'n Spin and contemplate? The Weather follows, so I can soon Sit 'n Spin thru my closet to find apropos dress. Traffic. Many cars, Sit 'n Spin, mess up rush hour. Sports, the up/down, Sit 'n Spin of living in a small market..then again, looking around and thinking of what it would be like to live in Boise, Idaho, I'm thankful for this Kansas City Sit 'n Spin.
Facebook. Oh hell. The very definition of Sit 'n Spin. Quite the mixture of "holy crap did he/she really post that? I can't like that, my 90-something Aunt and Uncle are on here."... Did 'that one' just post another thingy about how half the country are idiots? (No matter, Repub, Dem, they seem to Sit 'n Spin in anger.)
Victor. You just read a wonderful post from your great nephew, explaining (astutely) to all of us how it ain't worth it to lose friends over Political goodies, and how we should instead devote our time and attention into relationships. Does that wanna make you want to duct tape your fingers together so you won't participate?
I sat, or, well, Sit 'n Spin'ed on that one a moment - and yes, it does make one want to stop and think... but then I see a video of "The Greatest" walking up the stairs to AF1 and he's got toilet paper stuck to his shoe - and forgive me Father, I Sat 'n Spun, but I couldn't resist being a smartass. Sorry, kinda.
And then anudder.. announcing we should all get over it, move past, be a better person, he's been confirmed. I sat, I spun (90 MPH) and I typed what I thought. Sorry great nephew, I have SpINNED. I have the same size keyboard as most, but mebbe a mouth that's twice as big as most. If I see wrong (at least, wrong, perceived by me) I don't have to Sit 'n Spin very long before I am immediately jettisoned at a 45 degree angle to reply. Sorry, again, kinda.
Thankfully, inbetween those Dem/Repub postings - there is music, jokes, pics of grandkids, puppies doing incredible things, cats looking at you with that 'be for real' look... religious posts.. all kinda other stuff to Sit 'n Spin thru without having to take an extra BP pill.
Sit 'n Spin, to me, is a wonderful thing in life. It's running things in life by our own self, then responding, reacting (or not), as me/you/I. Not just Facebook.. it's all worldly things. Our morals, or lackthereof, are formed while Sitting 'n Spinning. Our Faith in God is dependent upon us staying seated, true, to that Sit 'n Spin.
Sometimes we error.
Sometimes we remain silent.
Sometimes we speak up, hell to the yeah.
Sometimes we place toddlers on Sit 'n Spins and fling 'em into siblings, tables, easy chairs.
Retirement, I am finding, is all about Sit 'n Spin. Nah, I don't wanna do that. I know the apartment needs cleaned...tomorrow. NAP TIME!.. I think I'll take a drive. Victor, where to? Wherever in the hell I wanna, I'm retired. It's Rush Hour, but I don't care - I'm thinkin' I'll maybe drive to the BP, jump in line infronta the snotnose that's gotta be at work in 10 minutes and all he wants is $5 on pump #4, and I'll buy like 17 different kinds of scatch off tickets. Then, I'll move over on the counter, scratch 'em all off, and jump back in line infronta the next snotnose that has to be at work in 5 minutes, I'll cash in the ones I won on, then mebbe buy me 5 more. I'm thoroughly enjoying this Sit 'n Spin retirement.
I've gotta pee. Oops, sorry, I think I mentioned that.
Just got he FBI report back (Foolhearted Bullcrap Inside) and it's been confirmed, yes, there is Foolhearted Bullcrap Inside. I sat. I spun. I'm headed, immediately, diagonally, at a 45 degree angle to the "Publish" button. Sorry, kinda.
Editor's note. Do not, repeat, DO NOT, go to the Urban Definition of Sit 'n Spin.
Slip sliding away.. or, Sitting 'n Spinning away,
Love, Victurd
(You pervert, you looked any way didn't you?!!)
Thursday, October 04, 2018
I'll have a blue Christmas without you...........
Victor, women come and go in your life faster'n a pair'a shoes in Imelda Marcos's closet.. the hell you talking about? Without who?
Ain't taking about 'a who', I'm talking about "SE grin". Huh? Southeastern Grin? Ahm, no, not quite. You know, the sly one. That look when you see a friend from long ago, a kajillion fun memories bounce all around your brain - and you both reflect with a SE grin. We needs that. We got lost along the way.
I'm proud to be an American too Lee Greenwood, but now, more than ever, do we need SE grins.
There's a little joint I occasionally go to. From day one since she started, I've admired this little waitress gal's SE grin. It's like a tonic, an elixir, a fixer, a "take all this crap that's going on in America and stick it, I choose happy," ie, SE grin. Hoping not to offend this little gal, one day I finally told her "You've got the best SE grin I've ever seen." So, what'd I get? I got the best SE grin I've ever seen.
My cousins and I, long, long ago - used to watch Oral Robert's 30 minute black and white TV show on Sunday mornings. We'd giggle when ole' Oral would put his hands on someone's head, he'd shout "HEAL!".. the astonished parishioner would shake, rattle and roll.. and HEAL they did, presto. We needs that now Oral - howabout a big ole' group hug, you wrap your arms around us, shout "HEAL" and we'll all comply with the biggest damn (sorry, dang) SE grin you ever saw? That's the way, uh huh uh huh, I likes it.
I come to this damn (sorry, dang) computer - and I wanna spread happy like creamy peanut butter - but my brain goes directly to more government, less government, confirm, not confirm, fake news, witch hunt, libtards, loser, misogynist, racist, nutjob, zealot, extremist, obstructionist, fanatic, idiot, blowhard, loon, moron, hypocrite, scum, elitist, troll, shill, crony, hack, lemming.. AACCCCKKKK! STOP!!!! PLEASE!!!!
All together now... 1... 2... 3... SE GRIN! YES! YES! YES!
And NO, I don't mean "Blue Christmas" to refer to either damn side.. I mean it as sad - blue.
My two year old granddaughter Bella has no idea about politics, life, Medicare, SS, yada - but ohhhh baby she can wing that smile, grin to put things right, back in place, faster'n a ten piece jigsaw puzzle. Heal. SE grin. Yum.
We ain't been fun - and fun keeps us as friends.. makes us feel good.. livens the pep in our step.
FUN? I'll have no part of that. Yeah yeah, I realize there are those who never wanna have fun. Ugh. Eh, not much we can do there - but the rest of us can shower the universe with SE grins. TAKE THAT CNN. YOU TOO FOX. We're wearin' our SE grins and there ain't nuttin' you can do to wipe it offa our face.
SE grins equates to able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.. to, to, to, to Austin Powers "YEAH BABY!".. It's putting the lime in the coconut and drinking it all up..
She put the lime in the coconut, she called the doctor, woke him up
And said, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take
I say, doctor, to relieve this bellyache?
I say, doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take
I say, doctor, to relieve this bellyache?
Doc says "You put the lime in the coconut, you drink 'em both together
Put the lime in the coconut, then you feel better
Put the lime in the coconut, drink 'em both up
Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning" CAUSE YOU'LL HAVE A BIG OLE SE GRIN!
Life, as an old fart, I'm finding, is trying enough just trying to remain upright. Who among us ain't got one leg stuck putting on the undies in the morning and hopped two counties before you finally got the other leg thru? Who else don't have fingernails left the week before the dadgum SS check comes? We're hella past the "upward mobility" stage - we just wanna remain upright! Ya ever wake up at 2am thinking "oh crap, did I really write that during a FB argument about.. about.. hell I forget what it was about.." I have. Sadly. Sorry. Kinda. Mostly.
SE Grins even make our wrinkled ole face somehow look better. We need 'em. Superman, put that cape on. Oral get your hands out. Go to Piggly Wiggly, buy a lime and a coconut. Austin, we'll cue you as to when. Courtney (that's the waitress chick with the world's best SE grin) you lead us.
I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and SE Grins for all. (Oh, lighten up.. no one gets mad and "O'er the land of the free, and the home of the CHIEFS!")
YEAH BABY! SE Grins.. We'll have a blue Christmas without you.....
Love, Victurd
Ain't taking about 'a who', I'm talking about "SE grin". Huh? Southeastern Grin? Ahm, no, not quite. You know, the sly one. That look when you see a friend from long ago, a kajillion fun memories bounce all around your brain - and you both reflect with a SE grin. We needs that. We got lost along the way.
I'm proud to be an American too Lee Greenwood, but now, more than ever, do we need SE grins.
There's a little joint I occasionally go to. From day one since she started, I've admired this little waitress gal's SE grin. It's like a tonic, an elixir, a fixer, a "take all this crap that's going on in America and stick it, I choose happy," ie, SE grin. Hoping not to offend this little gal, one day I finally told her "You've got the best SE grin I've ever seen." So, what'd I get? I got the best SE grin I've ever seen.
My cousins and I, long, long ago - used to watch Oral Robert's 30 minute black and white TV show on Sunday mornings. We'd giggle when ole' Oral would put his hands on someone's head, he'd shout "HEAL!".. the astonished parishioner would shake, rattle and roll.. and HEAL they did, presto. We needs that now Oral - howabout a big ole' group hug, you wrap your arms around us, shout "HEAL" and we'll all comply with the biggest damn (sorry, dang) SE grin you ever saw? That's the way, uh huh uh huh, I likes it.
I come to this damn (sorry, dang) computer - and I wanna spread happy like creamy peanut butter - but my brain goes directly to more government, less government, confirm, not confirm, fake news, witch hunt, libtards, loser, misogynist, racist, nutjob, zealot, extremist, obstructionist, fanatic, idiot, blowhard, loon, moron, hypocrite, scum, elitist, troll, shill, crony, hack, lemming.. AACCCCKKKK! STOP!!!! PLEASE!!!!
All together now... 1... 2... 3... SE GRIN! YES! YES! YES!
And NO, I don't mean "Blue Christmas" to refer to either damn side.. I mean it as sad - blue.
My two year old granddaughter Bella has no idea about politics, life, Medicare, SS, yada - but ohhhh baby she can wing that smile, grin to put things right, back in place, faster'n a ten piece jigsaw puzzle. Heal. SE grin. Yum.
We ain't been fun - and fun keeps us as friends.. makes us feel good.. livens the pep in our step.
FUN? I'll have no part of that. Yeah yeah, I realize there are those who never wanna have fun. Ugh. Eh, not much we can do there - but the rest of us can shower the universe with SE grins. TAKE THAT CNN. YOU TOO FOX. We're wearin' our SE grins and there ain't nuttin' you can do to wipe it offa our face.
SE grins equates to able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.. to, to, to, to Austin Powers "YEAH BABY!".. It's putting the lime in the coconut and drinking it all up..
She put the lime in the coconut, she called the doctor, woke him up
And said, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take
I say, doctor, to relieve this bellyache?
I say, doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take
I say, doctor, to relieve this bellyache?
Doc says "You put the lime in the coconut, you drink 'em both together
Put the lime in the coconut, then you feel better
Put the lime in the coconut, drink 'em both up
Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning" CAUSE YOU'LL HAVE A BIG OLE SE GRIN!
Life, as an old fart, I'm finding, is trying enough just trying to remain upright. Who among us ain't got one leg stuck putting on the undies in the morning and hopped two counties before you finally got the other leg thru? Who else don't have fingernails left the week before the dadgum SS check comes? We're hella past the "upward mobility" stage - we just wanna remain upright! Ya ever wake up at 2am thinking "oh crap, did I really write that during a FB argument about.. about.. hell I forget what it was about.." I have. Sadly. Sorry. Kinda. Mostly.
SE Grins even make our wrinkled ole face somehow look better. We need 'em. Superman, put that cape on. Oral get your hands out. Go to Piggly Wiggly, buy a lime and a coconut. Austin, we'll cue you as to when. Courtney (that's the waitress chick with the world's best SE grin) you lead us.
I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and SE Grins for all. (Oh, lighten up.. no one gets mad and "O'er the land of the free, and the home of the CHIEFS!")
YEAH BABY! SE Grins.. We'll have a blue Christmas without you.....
Love, Victurd
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