But... isn't that for younger people?

Golf.

Golf, like many things in life, has natural 'progressions' to let one know just how damn old one is.

We, three of Medicare age - struck out on a "regulation" course yesterday. Earlier this year, we'd joined an "Executive" course - and I ain't real sure why they call it that, because it's basically for retirees (All the holes are par 3, you don't have to walk as far - the longest hole is 190 yards, you don't have to hit it as far.. it takes less time/energy, it's perfect for us old farts.)

But, there we were, the three of us, on a huge, regular course, oh yea, a couple of par 3's, but mostly par 4's that are 400+ yards long, and a few par 5's that are the equivalent of walking from Liberty to Kearney. There are Blue Tees, the ones farthest from the hole you're trying to hit it to.. "those are for younger people." Some years ago, due to our (lack of) skill level - we moved up to the White Tees, a tad closer and located somewhere between the young pup Blue Tees and the Women's Tees.

As Baby Boomer became a catch phrase, someone had the bright idea to add Gold Tees... even closer to the hole for us Old Farts. As we old farts sometimes naturally do, we scoffed at the Gold Tee idea - and we played the White Tees (more walking, having to hit farther, higher scores, yada). We're not sure exactly at what age you start playing the Gold Tees, but I recommend them once you hear "how come you ain't playing the Gold Tees?" - kinda like the time I ordered a black coffee at McDonalds and the snotnose shot back "One Senior coffee coming up."

None of us three golfers are/were former NBA, Major League Baseball, NFL, nor PGA folk - but - "reasonably athletic" back in the day. As we butchered our way along the course, I smiled, announced to my buddies "ya know, this is fun, we oughta plan a float trip." Astonished, the reply was:

"Vic, isn't that something for younger people?" For behoogity sakes. This, coming from probably the most athletic among us, a former linebacker, a dude who used to hit you on the playing field, immediately changing the course of your run from North to South. I giggled outwardly, cussed inwardly, then considered his answer.................

What things ARE WE too old for?

I've never had an entrepreneurial bone in my body, but I have this idea in the back of my brain (scary, I know) to open "Boomer's Groomers." It would be setup for old farts, and services would include toenail clipping, ear hair pulling and eyebrow trimming. Strange thing about toenails, we shrink in height as we age, yet, them friggin' toenails get farther and farther away from the clippers every year. Ear hairs. Why, oh why Lord, do we live on this planet 50+ years never having them - but they allofasudden SPROUT at age 60? Needing to wear 'readers' coupled with bad restroom lighting, WE CAN'T SEE 'EM (ear hairs.) So, Boomer's Groomers would pull 'em forya.

The eyebrows? A given. They too start growing at age 60, the snotnoses (said lovingly) at Great Clips are paid hourly, thus, they don't care, "get 'em outta the chair." Enter Boomer's Groomers.

What else Victor? What else do you find that is "for younger people"?

Well, Pickleball. I know it's the rage, in vogue. (For those that ain't familiar with pickleball, it's tennis's answer to the par 3 golf course for old farts. Smaller court, bigger 'paddle', bigger ball to hit.) Oh, we old people can play pickleball ok, it's just the problem of "when the volley ends" and you gotta bend over and pickup the damn ball that is the hard part. Thus, entrepreneurial plan 2, "Pickleball Picker Uppers." We'd get with engineers, figure a way to have some magnetic thingy in the paddle and in the ball.. that wouldn't affect the actual hitting of it, but, when the volley is over, you hover the paddle over the ball and the magnetic field makes the ball magically rise up to stick to your paddle. Screw a bunch of "isn't that for younger people", hell to the yes we can play Pickleball (outfitted with Pickleball Picker Uppers.)

To be frank, I'd have to legally change my name. Sorry. That was a bad one. To be frank, the "isn't that for younger people" regarding the suggested canoe trip kinda peeved me off. Oh, there are some things I could give a rats about that are for younger people (rap music, video games, college loan debt, running, hoverboards, piercings anywhere that really hurts, mom/dad's basement, SnapChat, Pokémon, the left lane on Interstate, hold my beer and watch this, champagne at midnight on New Year's Eve, 3am infomercials, Elmo/Big Bird/Cookie Monster, yada.) Nevermind on Elmo/Big Bird/Cookie Monster, I've found it's twice as fun the second time thru!

I never knew the origin of the phrase "biting the bullet" ("It is often stated that it is derived historically from the practice of having a patient clench a bullet in his or her teeth as a way to cope with the extreme pain of a surgical procedure without anesthetic.") Ahm, I will never be too old for anesthetic, but mebbe I will bite the bullet on some things I can no longer do.

It is my hope though, there are folks in my Boomer corner, who, when told "isn't that for younger people" reply likewise with "The hell it is!" (It's not advisable to use the phrase "over my dead body" however.)

Going to clip my toenails now, seeya Monday morning.

Love, Victurd