1195

I guess it's been 8 years now that I've force fed the internet blogging, 1195 times to be exact. Additionally, there are over a hundred more abandoned drafts saved to never be opened again.

Very much enjoyed reading folk's posts about what they are thankful for - and I too of course am thankful for friends, family, loved ones - life in general.

The blog thing, I am thankful for it as well.. When one is divorced, if you don't own a hound or a kitty - the only other person you can talk to is yourself, and the blog has allowed me to do that.

I've written whilst happy, whilst down, whilst broke, after a work bonus, tired, injured, healthy, pissed off/depressed (hence the "hundred more abandoned drafts [not put on Checkenginelight] never to be opened again"), perhaps written whilst a little tipsy, whilst dating someone, whilst "long dry spell" in that department.

It's been therapeutic, embarrassing, rewarding. Helped serve, occasionally, as my own shrink. A "for the most part" reminder, life ain't too damn bad.

I've had friends bring up posts I've done. I'm certain I've pissed some people off on things I've written - and I would guess, from some shoes, its my attempt for "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!".. I could address that, buy why?

After long periods without posting, I've even had friends ask "Are you ok?" Very basically, anything I write really isn't about me, or shouldn't be. It's more about life, the view from the bench, hopefully seeing/reporting all the good that is out there, and hoping that maybe somehow it can remind me of that - and sure, if by chance something said might lift, emote another - all the better.

I'm thankful for life in general. Below is the third blog I ever wrote. "Why post the 3rd one" you ask? Because I reread the first two today, was embarrassed (I'd dissed my ex), and.... was probably tipsy!

Happy Thanksgiving all... hope it's been grand. #1196. Love, Victurd.

July 5th, 2005, Blog #3:

Title: ENDS

"He pulled the cover off from over her, slowly knelt, kissed her cheek, covered her back up and without a word slowly walked away."


Ends are difficult. Every relationship ends. Of course, the depth and length of time varies - but they all end.

Had an email from a friend last night "Well, Mr. Perfect just pulled out in a U-Haul truck with everything he owns, headed for his three kids on the West Coast. My decision. Bummer."

Ends in dating hurt probably just as much as ends in marriage - but perhaps the length of hurt doesn't last as long. Since this "suddenly almost single" (I'm still separated) thing happened, I've had a few ends of my own. One said I was "too laid back"...... One said "you'll never stop smoking" < smart lady!

My own father. My mother had a massive stroke at age 57. Dad, a traveling sale's rep, quit his job... Got "D-tags", a small building to put his cars in (Missouri State law)... stayed at home, cared for my mother - inbetweengst polishing, detailing, pounding-out-dents from wholesalers he fixed up to sell to make ends meet. They made the best of a trying time.

I vividly remember two distinct sounds during that time observing my folk: "Mack the Knife" from my dads lungs, and the little handbell my father provided for my mother when she needed something. It wasn't a picture perfect end for them (mother passed of heart difficulties some 9 years later) - but they were happy - and I learned a lot from their end.

The very first date after "whatshername" was with a chicky much too young for me. Eh, you know, it's kinda like job hunting - you start out applying for jobs $20-30,000 more than you are probably worth, then eventually settle for reality. Anyways, I asked this gal of 34 (me - 48 at the time) "what do you want outta the resta your life?"............

She replied........."well..... I'm a nurse... and I work in the ER... Once... there was an 80 yr old couple in... the wife was having extreme difficulties with her heart... she literally died on the ER table twice - we brought her back each time... The doctor would go consult the elderly gentleman in the waiting room each time.... Finally... her heart gave out... She expired... The doctor turned to go tell the 80-something year old gentleman her fate... and when he did, the man rose.. sauntered into the ER... approached her bed...He pulled the cover off from over her, slowly knelt, kissed her cheek, covered her back up and without a word slowly walked away. That. That's what I want."

Wow. Pretty cool. This same 34-yr old chicky told me "you know, you're pretty nice looking for 48." Hehe, I didn't really know how to take that.. The next day I stood shaving in the bathroom. All done, I took that first swipe with my hand to my face wiping off the shaving cream. I noticed there was still an amount of shaving cream left upon my face - neatly tucked in the crevices afforded by 48 years of living. That very moment was the end to the 34-48 yr old thingy. Her words will stay with me forever though. Love, Victurd.