Questions……

Wouldn’t life be cool, topsy-turvy, bassackwards, weird, interesting, if we always said what’s on our mind?

You. A cream filled O Clare. Mirror. The verdict? Easy for me, mirror comes second, I will selfishly indulge.

Age fitty-something. Would you be willing to go back to having a wonderful, hard-body, no crow‘s feet/wrinkles…IF.. It meant having to raise kids again… (An easy one for me… Not no’s, but hells no’s…)

Those loved ones gone.. Would you trade one year of your life, for the opportunity to have them back on the planet for one year? (Another ‘gimme’… hell yeah I would.)

It’s been mentioned, that “years are years”… good/bad in each… Ifn’s you could return, relive.. What year would you pick? (Another gimme… 1970..)

Five mile stretch’a beach. For absolute certain you, and only you (and mebbe your mate) there. Would u strip down to nuttin’ and enjoy? (Would love to, but too GD fairskinned.. I’m afeared I would pay later.)

Ifn’s someone had sat you down your Senior year in High School… and said “now here’s how your life is gonna play out until 2009”… how would you have responded to ‘em? (Easy! “You drunken bastard, you’ve GOT to be kidding!”)..

Ifn’s someone sets you down, today, 2009.. And says “How would you like the remainder of your life to play out?”… Cinchy! Elisabeth Shue would divorce, move to Liberty, MO.. We’d wed.. Then getta yacht (and crew) and go see whatever place we wanted to see.. Ok, mebbe stretching it… I’d just like to remain in the happy mode.. Go thru the remaining days never having my son endure pain, tremendous struggle..

You’re driving to work. You’re never late. Ten minutes out, that cuppa java slips, all funnels down to your crotch area.. They’ll think “damn tootin’ he/she peed his/her pants.” Do you turn around, get new clothes, or, bite bullet, get to work on time and put up with the assumptions? (First… I think I’d scream OUUUUUCCHHHHHHH!… then I’d turn around, go home and get a new set’a duds on.)

Have you ever smooched someone that you absolutely positively knew “this ain’t the one.” (Your honor, I’d like to plead “not guilty”.. .but I can’t.)

If you were a single member of the opposite sex, and you observed yourself as you are now, what positives and negatives would come to mind? (Well… “he”s got a nice tush and all, but man o man, he shoulda used sunscreen back in the day.. He does still have a full heada hair, but what the hell color is it?… What the hell’s the matter with him? He’s pretty much always happy, upbeat.. Sumbitch don’t say much in a group does he?… Will he EVER own a car that’s less than three years outta the factory?… Nah, I’m searching more the the JoCo type… Seriously, I couldn’t. He’s never really serious… Depends. He’s only a few years away from Depends.)

Why, whilst “during”, do we groan, moan, make noises we NEVER make in ‘the real, normal world’.. turn red/flushed.. Feel wonderful relief…? (You preverted bastard, I was talking about pooping)..

Truth. You ever flipped them undies from one day to the next? Uh huh. What I thought.

You. $1.47 checking balance, only money currently accessible. In the work restroom, minutes before you‘re to go home.. At home, you have one rolla TP left, and it’s mebbe got 30-40 panels left on it. Fresh new roll staring you in the face. You thievin’ sumbitch, you took it didn’tya? Me too!

Why me Lord? Please Lord.. Tell me what did I do.. To deserve even one (blog reader).. Lord help me Jesus, I’ve wasted their time……..

Ok, poof. Gone. Enjoy the day. Ifn’s you see someone without’a smile..
Ask ‘em, “The hell’s the matter with you?..”

Love, Victurd.