I'm a bird. Well don't you know, about the bird - well EVERYBODY knows about the bird, a wella bird, a bird a bird is a word.
You humans. You think you've got it over on us. Well lemme giveya a bird's eye view.
As in, come baby, drive that shiny windshield past me, I'LL SHOWYA!
We've more diversity, intelligence, happiness, than all of mankind combined. You, you the human. You scrape and you scrape. You work two jobs. You drive past Kohls to buy clothes at the Thrift Store. When you've reached the pinnacle of frustration trying to keep your ducks (children) in a row - you run to the liquor store and buy Natty Light (insteada Chardonnay).
You run to the Piggly Wiggly to purchase ramen noodles, mac and cheese (with water if you can't afford milk), sugar sandwiches, and shortly after payday, mebbe a PB&J here and there.
You study up about MLS, PMI, DTI, APR, LOC, hopeully maybe a house FSBO, and, without an HOA led by some wacko person. You do all dat. Scrimp, save, drive a beater, bypass beef (too expensive), maybe eat a chicken here or there (may our brother RIP)... then you sign your life away for 30 years.
We.
We birds.
We gather sticks and build a nest. Free bird comes to mind. What was that you were saying about 'bird brain'?
You turkeys (with apologies to our feathered brethren, simply used as a descriptor because sometimes they ain't too bright).. you turkeys.. you put plastic over your windows.. you run the hardware store outta snow shovels, ice melt, you buy parkas, gloves, hats, galoshes, hand warmers, windshield wiper solution, ice scrapers, you snooty ones buy snowblowers, you freeloading bluejays (sorry again fellow bird, but it's true, you let wren build nest, steal it), you freeloading bluejays await for the snooty patooty feller on the block that has a snowblower to come clear your walk, driveways (not to mention awaiting the mailman to bring you your monthly government check.) You slip, slide, have crashes, keep body shops thriving, You anxiously await weather forecasts, stampede to the Piggly Wiggly to run them outta milk, bread, open 23 cashier lanes when you live in a world where it's hard to find five checkers a night because you're all lazy...
And then...
And then...
You delight when you see our beautiful brother leading our wonderful annual trek back from the Caribbean, the robin, and you announce "Ahhhh, it's Spring." HELLO?!!! (And never forget, we LIVE naked)...
You make a mockery of us in film, witness One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Birds, Howard the Duck...oh yeah, you sprinkle in one or two goodies (The Mighty Ducks, Where Eagles Dare) for fear that we would come after you like in The Birds.
We fly around and watch you with 'amazement' on Social Media. You argue about walls, guns, oil, rights, equality, bosses, coworkers, spouses, kids, corporate greed, taxation... you have this side, that side, call it "Birds of a feather", you name call (Ugly Duckling, crazy as a loon), dig, find 'proof' someone was wrong earlier ("Eat crow Mister!)...
We.
We, the one's you infer we ain't gotta chance (Bird brains).. we...we write you off for interpretation errors, cognitive dissonance, confirmation bias, attribution error and attempts at social reinforcement.
Meanwhile...
We soar.. roost when, where we wanna (no lease, no mortgage.) Laugh at you for joining that one club in a 2' by 3' squatter on a 747 when we have the most wonderful Mile High club, ever. Au natural.
So, on you go. Lie, cheat, fly the coup, gossip (a little birdie told me), bully up on a sitting duck....
We...
We...
We sing.. (beautifully I might add, and we don't need no stinking alcohol along with an 8 track karaoke background tape)..
We take our youth under our wing - we're proud as a peacock. We're diverse. We conquer all, like a duck to water. We've only had one election in our lifetime, and the Eagle is our leader. He's a rare bird. Swallow that!
Sorry, kinda.. to pigeonhole all you lame ducks.........
By Henry (Tweet Tweet) Gibson... forward by Robert Franklin Stroud (look it up, lamebrain)..
Love, Victurd
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