This is blog #1,748. The whole thing (checkenginelight.blogspot.com) started thanks to something similar to Candid Camera... When it's least expected, you're elected, it's your lucky day.. SMILE, you're on Candid Camera.. Except, it ain't really that.
It's more 'When it's least expected" and then life happens. One gets a head of steam (whatever that is), and then, the alternator goes out.. you get bronchitis.. you get magic marker allover your brand new khakis.. it's time to license your car, you haven't paid personal property taxes for two years, so, you must get a 2nd job to pay the damn bill, meantime, cop stops you for expired plates.
Basically, when life is rosy, something patooey is gonna happen. Ripley and I guarantee it.
The only reason I wrote that crap above is because, people, when I tell them "for enjoyment, I write a blog".. they reply, "Oh yeah, what's it about?" That's where I lie and tell them "Well, I try to be inspirational.. hopefully a funny-ha-ha here and there, but mainly, to remind myself, in spite of all the yuck (check engine light coming on, for instance) in life, life, IT BE PRETTY GOOD.
Well, this specific blog ain't about that either. Sorry. Kinda. Not really.
Next funniest thing to farts is maybe boogers. Farts pass (that was a joke son).. Boogers really don't.
I recall the escalating years from 1st grade to 2nd... 2nd to 3rd.. 3rd to 4th.. yada. Because most school districts are poor, new desks happen about every 53 years. So, there was about a 99.9 chance you inherited the desk of someone else from the previous year. The custodians always did a fine job of removing the ink, glue, even magic marker stuff from the top of the desk - BUT, they never touched the underneath side.
Eww. Nothing but Wrigleys and boogers. Boogers one year old are kinda like adobe brick. They start out gooey, runny, then, in a year they're hard as hell, By year two, you'd need a jackhammer to remove them.
Victor, you're 69 years old. You're a parent, a grandparent, and uncle, a former teacher to some who might read this.. former coach.. former coworker, forever fraternity brother. Are you REALLY going to write about boogers?
Uh huh, am.
We, three of us male cubicle mates, sat no less than 18 feet from the men's restroom. The company had just under 100 employees, and there were three or four men's restrooms, but any/every male coulda used the one that sat 18 feet from us.
It started. There, just above the urinal, plain as day, a booger smeared on the wall.
Sticky note time.
"Eww".... This booger sent our minds asking, perhaps (silently) accusing.. "whodoneit?"... The first one brought laughter. Still, eww, but laughter. After a few days, the adhesion of the sticky note wore off, it fell, and eventually the custodian wiped the wall clean.
And another, on the wall to the right of the urinal. Does this guy think we're really so stupid we won't look all around? Anudder sticky note: "NO BOOGERS!" I think the custodian was on our team, cause he left the sticky (and the booger) up awhile, in hopes of the booger (not) eating moron came to his senses.
Didn't. Another. Sticky: "NO BOOGERS, REALLY?"
Sometimes, for a few days, there would be no boogers. So... we'd try and think "Who has missed work, was on vacation," etc. We couldn't pinpoint it, him, the booger wiping moron.
So we'd toy with him. Next sticky.. "That's a wimpy sized one.. like your manhood?"... so he'd ultimately counter with a big'n.. so, Sticky "The King." Didn't stop him, maybe even prodded him.
He puts the boys asleep with boogie every night
And wakes 'em up the same way in the early bright
They clap their hands and stamp their feet
Because they know how he plays when someone gives him a beat
He really breaks it up when he plays reveille
He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B....
So, we're about to the end of this "Inspirational, life is good" blog today.
We, the three males sitting no less than 18 feet from the men's john, would pow wow... offer our ideas of who the culprit might be.. we'd even go so low as to watch a guy go in the squatter.. then immediately follow to booger hunt. "Nope, wasn't that guy."
There's the false story of the cop who stops a guy for running a stop sign. Guy says "eh, officer, I slowed down. Stop, slow down, what's the difference?" So, (again, fake story) cop pulls the guy out of the car, starts beating the crap out the guy.. then says "Now, would you like me to stop or slow down?" Uh huh. We never could get the booger wiping moron to do either.
Well, not true. One final sticky note attempt slowed him down for awhile. "This restroom is under video surveillance".. and anudder right next to it.."You are on camera."
Then I retired, or something like that.
By Henry (wasn't me) Gibson. Forward by the Andrews Sisters
Love, Victurd
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