It's complicated....

Life, yes, is like a box of chocolates - but it's also a compilation of every damn user name, password ya gots. Have you reached the point, when attempting to logon to some site - where you cuss at the screen, the makers, the cap lock button, yourself, your memory (lack thereof) that you give up and go on?  Well, I have!

As I sat here looking at a blank screen, I, of course, asked "what should I write about?"  Somewhere between thoughts, I remembered that I remembered to buy batteries for my spiffy digital scale... I hate buying batteries because I can never find a package of three, or four.  "Here, buy this one, it's 28 batteries for $37.95, promise they'll never lose their charge."  Uh huh.  I ONLY NEED TWO.  Sorry, I only use caps when I'm mad at myself (like forgetting my damn password.)

Where was I? Oh yeah, Liberty MO and the batteries. I finally, at Piggly Wiggly, found a package of six, and after purchase I still have enough money leftover to pay my May rent. So, I grabs the scale, place it on the kitchen table, open the casing holding the batteries (this too can be a challenge...especially remote controls and cell phones).. 

I notate "here's the little springy thing, that's where the negative side goes.. and here's the flat part, that's where the positive side, the 'tit', so to speak, goes.  I go to the junk drawer.... time out.  Do you have a junk drawer?  EVERYONE has a junk drawer. I wasn't mad at myself (the CAPS) I was making a point.  If you say you don't have a junk drawer I don't believe you - which, was a topic I thought about writing about today - "if walls could talk."  Then we'd know, yay, nay, if you had a junk drawer.  Bet urass you do.  I kinda like saying 'bet urass'. Seven relatives and three strict churchgoers just turned left, moved away from this blog - but that's ok, it's me.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the junk drawer. What's in yours? Mine? I'm so glad you asked. Hammer, 4 pair of scissors, thread, whiffle ball, an old mouse (relax, the pc kind), drill bits, two Exacto knives that ain't had blades in 'em since Bush was in office, four sockets, a koozie a friend gave me when their kids got married twelve years ago (they've been divorced 7 yrs now), a brush attachment for a vacuum I no longer have, Scotch tape, cordless razor, a dried up tube of super glue, three other tubes of stuff (After Bite for the damn oak mites...some kinda bacteria zinc stuff.. and Terminator 10 for when I had a zit the size of Delaware.) There's more, but I'll spare you.

Junk drawer #2 just below... no, I'm not kidding, and no, I won't bore you with contents.

Batteries, that's it, I was getting batteries. I grab the freshly bought pack of AA batteries, head back to the kitchen table to attack the scale.. can't open the pack of batteries without something sharp, so, I go retrieve one of the four pair of scissors from junk drawer one, and open.  YES! Not mad, happy. I grab the scale, I praise myself because I haven't yet lost the little plastic thing that locks in the batteries.  I stare at the batteries in the scale, I stare at the batteries in the sixpack, damnit, darnit (Oops, I mean DAMNIT DARNIT) of course, I bought AA and I needs AAA.  I may drink the rest of the day THEN go to AA.

The jokes on the scale because, AHA, junk drawer two has a fancy four pack of AAA batteries.  I carefully open them, put in two new batteries, yeah yeah, positive this way, negative that way. Why are they always (in a remote, a scale, a whatever) one turned this way, one turned the other way.  Shouldn't they be like the way people sleep?  Resting same way?

Earlier, as I was staring at this blank page, I'd considered doing a blog "just my luck".  The batteries, turned a specific way, reminded me.  The just my luck blog. Our Kansas City Chiefs.  Outta 16 regular season games they called the coin toss correctly 14 times.  14 TIMES! (Not mad, astonished.).  The "just my luck" - ever since I plugged in my first USB, I have NEVER turned it the right way the first time.  Yes, NEVER means pissed.  One would think, all these years, but NOPE, nada.

This is a quick blog this morning because I finally did get two AAA batteries in my scale, I finally did weigh myself, but there is NO WAY IN HELL you will know the outcome of that.

Tune in tomorrow, maybe the blog will be "If walls could talk."  You?  You, you wild person - what would your "if walls could talk" blog be about?  Wow! Uh huh, that one night, my my, didn't know you had that in you - you wildthing!  I bet you'd have a couple of relatives and staunch churchgoers turn left on you too.  Oh, and I saw where you put that booger when you thought no one was watching.

PS:  I also didn't know women could fart so loud.

Love, Victurd