Blogger note, warning, ya better listen rating: The below is rated R (Mostly for "Really?", but too, coinciding with the Motion Picture Industry's Restricted.)
Mating. Perty interesting topic. On the beloved Facebook, I recently asked folks how long they've been together - the answers were cool, varying from 50+, to just recently, to "we ain't married but been together forever and a day."
I love learning how couples meet initially... there's a blog buried in here somewhere about it... among my favs, one couple was 'brother and sister'... relax, they were in a play and they played siblings. By Act 3, they were probably already in violation off the set.
Anudder was, a lady toting her groceries from Piggly Wiggly to car - when she got there, a dude was on the other side of her car, putting his groceries IN THE BACKSEAT OF HER CAR. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" She beckoned. "Putting my groceries in my car." "This is MY car!".. Turns out, they had identical cars. Were parked aside one another. They giggled. She told him "OK, now it's time to take your groceries out." "I will," dude said, "but only if you let me cook you a meal from them." Maybe probably stranger things have happened, but she agreed. One thing led to another, they ultimately hitched and probably binge watched 63 consecutive episodes of Chopped.
Also.. "At the skating rink... blind date.. I was dating his best friend, he was a dud.. we lived next door, I was 19, she was 15, I asked her dad if I could swim in their pond... at a bar (Surprise Surprise Gomer).. at a swim up bar in Cancun - he bought a motor home, parked it in my hometown, and yep, marriage, baby carriage.
While fun, interesting, each having a story to tell... MERCY, the animal world makes all of the above laughable..
Flatworms for example. (Scroll to rated R). They are equipped with both the male and female organs. Uh huh, you read that right. They then have a penis-fencing fight. Uh huh, you read that right. One 'wins', the other becomes 'mom' and they sloth down the aisle.
Some, literally walk on water. Like the water strider. Male water striders chase after, attempt to court female water striders. The female does have a shield she can use to 'just say no', sooooo, the male taps his legs atop the water in attempt to lure predatory fish, in hopes this will scare the watoosie outta the female and she will give in. Scientist conjecture. I'll have to remember that tapping.
Porcupines. YEEEEOUUUUCHHHH! Hehe. The female has an 8 to 12 hour window of fertility, She advertises this fertility by 'spraying perfume' (urine and vaginal mucous, YUCK), males gather (All males ARE pigs, even porcupines).. they fight.. Some lose their quills, some lose their life. The 'winning male' then approaches the female on his hind legs grunting, maybe not unlike the human male eh? He then sprays her with urine (I just report, I don't make it up).. She exposes 'her area' which is free of quills, they mate, then she heads to another tree and screams at him again, which too could closely resemble human courtship.
Hooded seals. This chicks are attracted to males with the best looking nasal balloons. This could be why some guys today put those damn treble hooks in their nose, or bigass hooprings eh? Anyways, the male blows up his balloon, waves it around to the female in attempt to seal the deal. Bad pun, turn left here if you wanna.
Praying mantis. Oh we've all heard of this one. If, during, or shortly after mating, the female gets hungry, she eats the mate's head, followed by the remainder of his body. (May he rest in pieces.) Sometimes, the male is able to mate without becoming a meal. Scientests suggest 13 to 28 percent of the encounters lead to death, the rest become henpecked, have high blood pressure, or become workaholics to steer clear of home as much as they can. (That was edited.)
Of rock bands, groupies and tour buses. Uh huh, of course, the Bonobos. This is the 'free love ape.' They are promiscuous, engage in a wide variety of recreational sex-acts with members of both sexes, and aren't particularly jealous. They use sex to make friends, form group bonds, and are rarely found at family reunions or in church service. (Editorialized a tad.)
Wow, alla the above makes Tinder, Match.com, Plentyoffish, walking the school hallways, sockhops, that stuff, mild.
Then, you have the humans who met over a cadver (Med School), married the pizza delivery guy..."One of my friends is really into psychics, so I went with her once. The psychic told me there would be a man in my life whose name started with D, he would truly love you" - so, I was jogging, ran by this guy that looked lost, asked if he needed help, said his name was Doug" and now you know the rest of the story.
Believe it or not, there were even grosser animal stories. I am at a loss on how to "tie this all together" - so, I'll gettheheck outta here with....
Oh I wonder wonder wonder wonder who, who wrote the book of love.
G'Day Mate,
Victurd
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