SIMPLE: Clear, understandable; easy. Child’s play, easy as pie, no problem, no sweat, self-explanatory…
“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” Confucious
Confucious, Go Tell It On The Mountain Brother, high five (high five was invented because ballplayers didn’t like patting their teammates on the butt.. It has since been replaced by ‘the first bump’, because the little sissies kept on breaking fingers using the high five.)
IT improvements. One day (never), maybe I’ll take some computer courses to I too can understand ‘IT Improvements’ that take more clicks to accomplish what was easy peasy (simple) before. IT improvements hide things too. Why? (A simple question.)
“The most simple things can bring the most happiness.” Izabella Scorupco.
Izzy, you izzy right! I just returned from “The BP” (fancy for the simple ‘gas station’}.. noticed [with apologies to relatives] the cashier had a really nice derriere, and a nice smile. Now if I’da said “You have a really really nice butt” - that would complicate things, she might slap me, call the cops, show them the damn video of me saying so, I could go to jail, have to post bond, and explain to my family. Complicated. SO, I simply said “You have a nice smile.” She gave it to me again, so it musta worked.
Simple were the days before air conditioning. Fans in opened windows, clear, clean smell of the outdoors, yummy sleeping, then we invented AC. God shoulda born us with three arms, three legs, because now, AC cost an arm and a leg. ‘Wings’ in cars were simple. Turn that sucker in, feel the breeze! Nice, even at a hunnerd degrees. Now, we have AC in cars. They overheat. Compressors go out. They leak Freon. (Do you have the nads to hook that Freon bottle up, to the right orifice, release the high pressured stream, mebbe ruin onea your own orifices for life? I ain’t. Gimme simple, Henry [Ford], please put the wing back on cars.)
Phones. Before cell phones, we knew any/everyone’s phone number. They even had a book with names/numbers in case ya forgot. Sure, it’s nice to have a phone withya in the car in case you breakdown, or, so you can find your teenager at any given time… But MOSTA the time, those kinda phones are FRUSTRATING. Tell me you ain’t never jumped three feet in the air when yours rang? Tell me you ain’t never lost it. Dropped it in the toilet. Went to Piggly Wiggly to buy rice, say a prayer. Cracked the sucker so now you can hardly read it. Screwed up the hooker-inner charger piece wrong, had to go pay arm/leg (God, please change the request to 4 arms, 4 legs, thanks) for a new phone. WHY do I have to buy the phone AND pay the registration fee? I just paid the registration fee on my last phone, Ma Bell never did that to me? Simple, I miss simple.
IKEA. I ain’t even going there. Ever.
Putting ANYTHING together nowadays. You gotta turn the damn instructions four different ways before you even find ENGLISH. You finally get done. You look down. There’s one part left. Oh shit. Simple, I want simple, preassembled (without charge please.)
Back in the day (I hate when we old people say that.) Back in the day, if you got in trouble, it took a total of about ten minutes before word got back to your folks. Now, thanks to the internet, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, whatever, in MILLISECONDS, everyone in Tanzania, The North Pole, and Russia knows what happened, and they can see you with those stupid nose, eye adornments you added. Gimme Mrs. Jones calling Mrs. Smith, who ran into Mr. Carpenter at the store, who saw dad at the hardware store, who finally told my mom. Simple.
“Every day, I like to wake up and remind myself to be grateful of the simple things.” Miranda Kerr.
Hell, I was usedta Walker Cronkite’s “And that’s the way it is.” I believed him. Oh, if there was a tad more, you could always tune into Paul Harvey. Now, we’ve got PBS, CBS, ABC, NBC, NPR, FOX, CNN, MSNBC, BLOOMBERG, Vice News, CNET, The Guardian, and I unnerstand some of ‘ems even fake..…. STOP! STOP! STOP!
You want stupid? Let’s talk the cost of Cable vs. Rabbit Ears. Huh? (God, make that 5 and 5 perty please, thanks.)
“I lead a pretty simple life.” Tom Selleck
I KNEW I liked you Tom! (Quick aside. There was a vendor I worked with, nicest folks on the planet. The lady that answered the phones though, she hadn’t a clue. Dare I say simpleton? Oh, she was as friendly as could be, but every time I called [and I called daily] and asked for Nancy or Miranda, she'd say “Who’s calling please?”… Tom Selleck was my favorite answer, but I used Tom Cruise, Don Johnson, a string of ‘em. She’d always say “Sure Mr. Selleck, I’ll patch you right over.” Giggles to me when Nancy or Miranda answered. She was simple. Simple to fool. She musta been 4'11", everything went over her head. Easy peasy. I likes me some simple.
Our world is, has gone, crazy. People repeat “Victor, you always talk about yesterday, the past.”
KISS. (Not as in “my ass”, but as in Keep It Simple Stupid)…
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Oh sir, we've got Lasik, laser surgery, lens implants, regular eyeglasses, contacts (long wearing or disposable), bifocals, trifocals, Ray Bans.... STOP!
I'm gonna go take a swig of whiskey. Oh sir, please don't do that. We've got SSRI's (Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), SNRI's (Serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors) SMS (Serotonin modulators and stimulators), SARI's (Serotonin antagonists and reuptake inhibitors).. Thanks, and nevermind, I'll just take a nap.
Simply, have a great day,
Love, Victurd.
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