Distracted driving........

A bit ago, Tiger Woods was on the tee, during his downswing, someone hollered something.. IMMEDIATELY after his swing, he turned, offered, "REALLY?"... Distracted driving.

Yesterday, I had a lot of tee offs. Playing by myself, no one hollered. Just my brain, talking to me as I took my club back. I ain't good enough that it all comes naturally... I think, think, think......... too much.

I never really have been a club thrower - but I admit to uttering profanities under-my-breath, and uh huh, occasionally aloud. Bottomline, older I get, less I care whereinthehell my ball ends up. The pond? Insteada "shit" I wonder how the bluegills reacted. Into the forest? I hope it maybe hit a snake.

"I can always be distracted by love, but eventually I get horny for my creativity." Gilda Radner

So, after my round yesterday, I swung into Mickey D's. Same ole same ole order, nearly 500 calories, wipes out anything I did on the course. I was third in line. Two cars infronta me ordered, pulled up.. car infronta me ordered, pulled up.. my turn, ordered.. sat, waited. The car that was first - well, the car infronta him pulled up to pay leaving a one car gap... he/she didn't pull up when the car infronta them rolled.. probably texting, checking facebook, yada.. we sat for a good while. Trying to live the "Don't throw your damn club Victor" life, I waited patiently - but I must admit it had gotten very close to the horn honk of impatience. Thankfully, the driver infronta me was a younger dude, no fear of honking his damn horn to tell the lady/man to "pull your butt up." He/she did. Distracted driving.

I think we've probably all had green lights turn to yellow, then red, because the person infronta us was distracted. Retirement, old age, a mebbe sorta laid back personality, and 105 mg of high blood pressure medicine keeps me from rear ending them on purpose.

The ones that send me into "Our Father, Who Art in Heaven" are the ones where I'm next to 'em on Interstate, they slide my way, I see the phone, ok, I cuss, I do, I "oh shit" and say a quick prayer they yank it back in their lane. So far, so good. TY Father.

Today (my life is REAL boring), after I played THE BEST 16 holes I ever had (then scored a 6 and another 6 on the final two holes- par for each was 3) I went to the Community Center. My reward on exercise is a respite in the sauna, a jump in the Jacuzzi.. then I'm off for a nap. Today, old people (like me) water aerobics. The instructor lady was shouting jumping jack instructions that coulda been heard in the next county - there were two oblivious (an old man and an old lady, like me) and as they stood side by side in the pool.. she counted "and 6 and 7 and 8 and 9 and 10" their chins moved in unison - nowhere near making the aerobic jumping jack move she'd spouted out. Distracted old people water aerobics. It's a thing. Common. Eh, we're old, who cares.

"I'm quite a dreamer, and usually when someone tells a story, I tend to get distracted easily." Keerthy Suresh.

Story tellers come in all sizes, shapes and capabilities. Once, an elderly family member was relating a (very long) story.. my 6 year old son got up, looked at her and said "This is boring" and off he went. Pickle, I was in a pickle, but damned if I didn't wanna follow him, maybe even high five him - distracted listening.

Life interjects. Focus can be tough. Loyaly, shouldn't be, but sometimes is tough. Wow, cool, greener grass gets in the way, we're distracted, we jump... sometimes we "oh shit", sometimes we land in it.

I loved Mrs. Sumpter, one of my teachers from back in the day. Horrible, I don't even remember the subject.. English I think. When she was on the podium speaking, she had a knack for knowing when a classroom was distracted.. she would keep reading, speaking, then she would YELL, literally YELL, the next words in her speech - we knew she knew we were distracted - she put the boat back on course.

"I really love writing, but I am very easily distracted: my two cats fighting, a rainbow, a TV show.. I have to use every trick to keep myself at the computer." K.A. Applegate

At one time, I read every single inch of the Kansas City Star. No'more. Life, old age, a penchant for good, surmising "it's ok not to care about that", sport's salaries, lotta stuff - has me winging thru the paper in under 30 minutes. On purpose distraction, I guess.

We've all heard the marital rants.. never listens.. I TOLD you that last Tuesday.. for the 12th time..You NEVER listen.. Nuh uh, stop. You're lucky. Damn lucky. Distraction happens, especially in marriage. (Throwing in the towel too damn easy is a blog for another day).. just be glad, there's one nearby that's distracted. Echoes suck.

I'm getting the hell outta here... Distracted, can't thinka what to write next.

"HHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNKKKKKK... MOVE YOUR ASS.. THE LIGHT IS ABOUT TO TURN RED... I'VE GOT TO GET TO WENDY'S AS FROSTY'S ARE HALF-PRICE!"... "Oh, nevermind, I'm retired. I can wait. It's all good."

Love, Victurd

(Tune in tomorrow when we'll visits objects I throw at drivers who don't pull up far enough to activate the traffic signal.)