1195

I guess it's been 8 years now that I've force fed the internet blogging, 1195 times to be exact. Additionally, there are over a hundred more abandoned drafts saved to never be opened again.

Very much enjoyed reading folk's posts about what they are thankful for - and I too of course am thankful for friends, family, loved ones - life in general.

The blog thing, I am thankful for it as well.. When one is divorced, if you don't own a hound or a kitty - the only other person you can talk to is yourself, and the blog has allowed me to do that.

I've written whilst happy, whilst down, whilst broke, after a work bonus, tired, injured, healthy, pissed off/depressed (hence the "hundred more abandoned drafts [not put on Checkenginelight] never to be opened again"), perhaps written whilst a little tipsy, whilst dating someone, whilst "long dry spell" in that department.

It's been therapeutic, embarrassing, rewarding. Helped serve, occasionally, as my own shrink. A "for the most part" reminder, life ain't too damn bad.

I've had friends bring up posts I've done. I'm certain I've pissed some people off on things I've written - and I would guess, from some shoes, its my attempt for "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!".. I could address that, buy why?

After long periods without posting, I've even had friends ask "Are you ok?" Very basically, anything I write really isn't about me, or shouldn't be. It's more about life, the view from the bench, hopefully seeing/reporting all the good that is out there, and hoping that maybe somehow it can remind me of that - and sure, if by chance something said might lift, emote another - all the better.

I'm thankful for life in general. Below is the third blog I ever wrote. "Why post the 3rd one" you ask? Because I reread the first two today, was embarrassed (I'd dissed my ex), and.... was probably tipsy!

Happy Thanksgiving all... hope it's been grand. #1196. Love, Victurd.

July 5th, 2005, Blog #3:

Title: ENDS

"He pulled the cover off from over her, slowly knelt, kissed her cheek, covered her back up and without a word slowly walked away."


Ends are difficult. Every relationship ends. Of course, the depth and length of time varies - but they all end.

Had an email from a friend last night "Well, Mr. Perfect just pulled out in a U-Haul truck with everything he owns, headed for his three kids on the West Coast. My decision. Bummer."

Ends in dating hurt probably just as much as ends in marriage - but perhaps the length of hurt doesn't last as long. Since this "suddenly almost single" (I'm still separated) thing happened, I've had a few ends of my own. One said I was "too laid back"...... One said "you'll never stop smoking" < smart lady!

My own father. My mother had a massive stroke at age 57. Dad, a traveling sale's rep, quit his job... Got "D-tags", a small building to put his cars in (Missouri State law)... stayed at home, cared for my mother - inbetweengst polishing, detailing, pounding-out-dents from wholesalers he fixed up to sell to make ends meet. They made the best of a trying time.

I vividly remember two distinct sounds during that time observing my folk: "Mack the Knife" from my dads lungs, and the little handbell my father provided for my mother when she needed something. It wasn't a picture perfect end for them (mother passed of heart difficulties some 9 years later) - but they were happy - and I learned a lot from their end.

The very first date after "whatshername" was with a chicky much too young for me. Eh, you know, it's kinda like job hunting - you start out applying for jobs $20-30,000 more than you are probably worth, then eventually settle for reality. Anyways, I asked this gal of 34 (me - 48 at the time) "what do you want outta the resta your life?"............

She replied........."well..... I'm a nurse... and I work in the ER... Once... there was an 80 yr old couple in... the wife was having extreme difficulties with her heart... she literally died on the ER table twice - we brought her back each time... The doctor would go consult the elderly gentleman in the waiting room each time.... Finally... her heart gave out... She expired... The doctor turned to go tell the 80-something year old gentleman her fate... and when he did, the man rose.. sauntered into the ER... approached her bed...He pulled the cover off from over her, slowly knelt, kissed her cheek, covered her back up and without a word slowly walked away. That. That's what I want."

Wow. Pretty cool. This same 34-yr old chicky told me "you know, you're pretty nice looking for 48." Hehe, I didn't really know how to take that.. The next day I stood shaving in the bathroom. All done, I took that first swipe with my hand to my face wiping off the shaving cream. I noticed there was still an amount of shaving cream left upon my face - neatly tucked in the crevices afforded by 48 years of living. That very moment was the end to the 34-48 yr old thingy. Her words will stay with me forever though. Love, Victurd.

Chilled to the bone...

On the day I was born
The nurses all gathered 'round
And they gazed in wide wonder
At the joy they had found
The head nurse spoke up
Said "leave this one alone"
She could tell right away
That I was chilled to the bone

Chilled to the bone
Chilled to the bone
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chilled
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chilled
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chilled
Chilled to the bone


Give me 33610, 91911, 78520, 85250 (Tampa, San Diego, Brownsville, Scottsdale)

I broke a thousand snow shovels
before I got wise
I'll break a thousand more, maybe
Before I compromise
I wanna be warm every winter
Warm and home even if alone
I'm here to tell ya folks
That I'm chilled to the bone
Chilled to the bone
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chilled
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chilled
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chilled
Chilled to the bone


I would very much miss the four baby blue eyes, but hey, for 3-4 months a year, we can Skype, you can even come visit!

I'll make an old fart warm
I'll make a transplanted Missourian sweat
I'll make an old fart hot
And take a old fart outta harm
I wanna be warm bet your booty
Warm and home even if alone
I'm here to tell ya folks
That I'm chilled to the bone
Chilled to the bone
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chilled
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chilled
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chilled
Chilled to the bone


Besides, they say the female/male ratio in AZ is like 9 to 1, and even if they would be cougars, "I could go for that", but that's another song in and of itself for another day.

And when I walk the streets
Snow and Sleet step aside
Every winter I'll scoot
And I'll stay satisfied
I wanna tell ya Ole man Winter
Well Ya see I make my own
I'm here to tell ya fridgy
That I'm chilled to the bone
Chilled to the bone
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chilled
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chilled
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chilled
Chilled to the bone


I ain't sure when 'retirement' will be, prolly 5 more years. The Good Lord willing, I'm buying a motor home and getting the hell outta Dodge come November. I'm hear to tell ya, I'm chilled to the bone. Love, Victurd.

Who'da thunk it?

First, wanna get the Incognito thing behind us, or somehow have it meet an end, even if imperfectly. I hope (and believe) I speak for 99.9% of us who grew up in small towns in the 50's, 60's where bullying was taken care of (rather than fearing to jump in and stop), and us people of all people, were friends, regardless of race. That is, towns/people, without hate, without prejudice.

But then... (Victor, again, you CAN'T start a sentence with 'but'!)

But then... there were things we didn't like. Such as: KU. The Raiders. The New York Yankees. Folks from our longtime rival town - Excelsior. Any fraternity other than the one you were in. Even, yes, the other political side.

As I/we age - something happens (in a good sense) - and we revisit dislikes with an open mind - and turn the corner from 'learned dislike' to observed/like.

But then.. (VICTOR!)... who'da thunk one would be moved by an article on the former head football coach of the 'patooey' KU Jayhawks? Me I guess.

After his dismissal for alleged mistreatment of players - soul searching happened. "He reconnected with old friends,even recalled 'some people I thought might not like me; I thought that was the right thing to do.' He started to listen more, he said, and talk less."

How powerful is that? "Listen more, and talk less." I'd like to think age teaches us that.

Mangino (aka, former KU football coach) is now spending oodles of time with his grandkids.. "happy to do it as a way to give back time he never quite had enough of for his own two children."

He resisted the urge to get back into coaching two years ago ("the most important move I've made in my career") when his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. One day, for treatment, he wanted to drive his wife to the doctor - she insisted she could do it alone - then later called him in distress on the way home as clumps of her hair were falling out. So,

what's he do? He immediately goes and shaves his own head in a show of support to surprise her.

This condensed version of the article doesn't do the man justice - so, if per chance, ya getta chance please go read the article: http://www.kansascity.com/2013/11/09/4609966/three-years-after-ku-mark-mangino.html

He speaks of having time 'to learn from others, to study others, to study myself.".. Lessons from others: "If you're waiting for your ship to come in, forget it. You've got to go swim out to it."

On Bill Snyder (whom he worked for at K-State) "He never thought there was any problem you couldn't find a solution for. Some take longer than others. He'd sit around for hours thinking about ways to solve a problem." Could we learn from this? Certainly, in every facet of life: marriage, parenting, education, government, world peace/relations.

Mangino continued "You know all of these people that I worked for in my life? There's one other coach that I learned a lot from in life, and it's kind of funny. You know who it is? It's me. You have to learn from yourself. You have to learn your own weaknesses and strengths - if you want to improve in your career, you have to improve as a person."

"I don't care how old you are or how young you are; I don't care if you're a ditchdigger or a millionaire, there's room for improvement and you can get better. No matter what your lot in life is, you can improve. Even a guy like me."

Apologetically, I (Victurd) express regret for my former dislikes. Each and every person I've met from our High School arch-rival Excelsior is a quality, quality person and I love 'em. My best friend at work is a diehard Yankee's fan. Two days ago I "tilted one" with my buddy, the staunch Oakland Raider's fan. I've recently hit 'Like' on a couple of buddies (from 'other' fraternities) FB postings and treasure their friendship. Politically, I was recently sitting next to "one of the G brothers", he taught ME, "Vic, we may disagree on some things, but friends for life, period." Now, I find myself applauding an article on a guy from KU.

Reckon there's truth in talking less, listening more. Had I done that years earlier - it would have awakened me that 'perceived dislikes' ain't always that.

Love, Victurd.

I'm positive, I think.

One of the three readers of this blog suggested writing about:

"list of things you do want to see? What are the things not seen frequently enough, things never seen, things to dream of seeing?"

Tough assignment, #1 because I was a C+ student. Sounds kinda like being asked to do the play-by-play at a football game with 20/60 vision. The cubicle person giving the corporate financial report. I am not worthy. I'll try.

What I want to see? Sadly, color, for some, is still an issue - I don't feel we will ever see where it's not an issue (for all)... Perhaps the only way for that to happen is for love/loving/marriage/proliferation to the point one day where everyone is the same color, and I'm not naïve enough to think that will ever happen... but, you asked "dream of seeing?" (Victor, are you saying a white person couldn't be with a white person? No red with red, black with black, etc? No, no, no, not what I meant. I simply strive for a way "to see" it ain't an issue)..

I'd love to see all religions teaching love of mankind, even those with other religious (or non-religious) beliefs.

I understand brilliant people have designed a car that can drive itself. Many are gone from accidents, many injured suffer every day since - I'd love to see an accident free way to transport. Yes, perhaps letting go of a freedom, but the benefits would far outweigh that. I could sacrifice that freedom for being able to go to bed and not worry about children, grandchildren, friends, loved ones.

In some respects. a lotta the junk from the blog that prompted this ("I'd be ok if I never saw again") translate to things I want to see.. a cure for cancer.. a handle on crime (street, business, government)..

I want to see people give it their all before divorcing, perhaps even have a mandatory one year 'engagement period.' Oft times (not always, I'm aware), it's no longer the covenant it once was.

I'd like to see less separation of the economic classes. My C+, 20/60 vision has no answer on 'how', but if we can build a GD (gosh darn) car that can drive itself, surely there are brilliant minds out there to help with this.

I'd love to see every person that is diabetic to have access to insulin. Every person who needs dialysis, access to it. Every depressed person - counseling, and meds if needed. A hearing aid for those that can't. A doctor for an ill child. Very basically, sick people: access to assistance.

Our soldiers home. Worldwide peace.

Want to see? Never seen? Dream of seeing? I can certainly be selfish here. Cooperstown. The four dead guys in granite. Guys night out. The golf course. A Flash Mob, even better, maybe participate in one. I wanna go on a cruise (never been) and prove that "it is possible for two to shower at once in one of those 'locker-sized' cruise ship showers." Maui (again). A mate, whose as much into me as I am her.

I would love "every day life" as part of the curriculum in every school district:

*Have kids spend a few hours on-site in various professions. Bring in three old people. One who has prepared, saved well. One, so-so. And one, strictly on Social Security. Tour their homes. Help them go over their monthly budgets. Hindsight, yes, I've not planned the greatest. Yes, aware "hard to relate being retired when you're 9, 12 or 17" but can't hurt to infuse in school plan. (I left two professions, education, airline, where I could be drawing a retirement right now had I not chosen to depart. I blame me for that, but ya know, maybe had I had "that class project", I wouldn't have left either.)

*Have kids attend a wedding. Talk to the bride-groom one on one about "how they arrived there".. Attend divorce court, visit with each about how they got there. (Understand the impact of "He/she slept with my best friend." "He/she hits me, verbally abuses me."
Even the impact of things as simple as "I grew tired of being the one that cooked, cleaned, dealt with the children."

*Tour a home where grandparents are raising three children. Bring in happy people that are motivational speakers, have them expound on why they're happy, what it's done for them. Go to a prison, have a one on one with a lifer. Go back to class, discuss the difference between the examples.

*I've been detached from education for quite some time - so, if any of the above plans are already in motion in schools, no harm intended. I simply would love to see more time spent on life's lessons, than an Isosceles Triangle, Iambic pentameter, or onomatopoeia.

I'm being boring, but that's ok. I prefer the focus on others, as in "yes, would like to see that into the future." Sure, it's a perk any time someone comes here (to the blog), but I go back to the initial purpose: to me, for me (to remind myself to chose happy)..

There is much right in life, for that I am thankful, and want/expect to continue to see. I know I will continue to see good people, and try to learn from them. I want to see animal lovers loving their animals. Loving parents loving their children. Loving children loving their parents.

There is no magical prophecy within me. If I could simply live life out seeing, being happy, I'm good with that. If I could see me never being a burden on another as I continue to age, perfect. I haven't the excess funds to pay it forward financially - so I want to observe others that are giving (in the same financial boat) and learn from their ways.

I'm a simpleton. C+ with 20/60. (The truth is I think I have 20/20 vision. I had cataracts at age 54, so I now have one lens for close-up, one lens for far-away <-- like to see more miracles like that.)

Simple, happy, works/wins. I'd like to see, live that. Nothing earth-shattering, all knowing, but simply the sufficient spoon to stir my pudding. Love, Victurd.

Note to self.........

Examine the lock of your bathroom door (in advance).

Daily routine. 5:20am alarm. Say "ha ha", hit snooze. Say "ha ha" one more time (twice if I'm really sleepy), then lumber out of bed.

Listen to Joel Nichols so I'll know how to dress for the weather.. check email, FB, wing 'likes' at creativity, beautiful children... cig/coffee.

6:00am. Go to bathroom. This timea year, take space heater in, plug it in, get it stoked. Start bath water. Exit, close door so heat will stay in.

More Joel/Donna/Chris, another cig, wander the internet.

6:04am, grab new pair of undies (or flip dependent upon the day), go take bath.

Oh shit.

Door locked. Panic. I don't even know the main # to the apartment complex I live in, let alone the emergency #. (2nd note to self).

More panic. "I wonder how close the water is to overflowing?". Google "Cherokee Apartments", write down phone number, run to living room where my smart phone that's been acting stupid is plugged in. Nada. No 'charge light', no nuttin'. Shit.

Grab nail. Stick it in that little hole in the lock. Nope. Grab screwdriver, frantically pushing, pulling, flipping up, flipping down. Nope.

Ask one's self "If it does overflow, runs over, and invades the privacy of my space heater, could I get electrocuted on this sidea the door as the water trickles through?

Wake up neighbor, have 'em call 911? (3rd note to self: Always wear something en route to the restroom).

Last gasp: pry screwdriver between the edge of the door and the lock.

YES! (4th note to self: It's perfectly ok to laugh at yourself).

Love, Victurd.