Sunday, October 30, 2011

As lock would have it...

Locks are kind of an interesting invention. Sad that we ever needed them – but, a result/reaction to human nature. Wiki tells me (and those dudes at Wiki are never wrong.. just ask Snopes) wooden locks and keys were in use 4,000 years ago in Assyria.

I remember (and I'm old) my combination (10-20-10) to my high school locker. Remember stuffing freshmen in lockers? Amazing they'd fit, but... ever taken a shower on a cruise? Bout the same size as a HS locker!

There's bike locks, cam locks, child safety locks, deadbolt locks, disc tumbler locks, electronic locks, luggage locks, police locks, magnetic keyed locks, spring bolt locks, time locks (the hell's a time lock wiki?) - all kinda locks.

I remember once (Victor, I think you've told this one already... bite me, it's a privilege of gettng old, retelling crap).. I remember once... a somber time turned light.. .The day before my mother's funeral, my sister and I were having a wonderful visit recounting mom stories – as we sat in the Mobile home of my uncle... She excused herself to go to the restroom... I hear this “click”.. as she was coming out I asked “Vanda? The hell did you lock the door for? Did you like think I was going to come in?” A shared giggle...

Locks keep bad guys out, and dogs in. Steering wheels from turning, and cars from starting. Gal at work has onea those spiffy start-the-damn-car-from-your-office-desk thingys, and the other day I ran and tried to jump in right after she started it – nuh huh, locked. Damnit.

At work, we have a code thingy where we have to swipe our palm, enter a code, and jualah, door unlocks. Every time we lose a coworker, new codes for the lock.

Victor, why a friggin blog on locks? Please share the key to your weird brain. Ok... .McDonalds, Sunday morning – this is a recording. Me, the newspaper, my senior coffee – it's a weekly event. As I was getting outta car I hear some chimes. Same chimes that tell me “keys still in ignition” (nope, they weren't) or that the lights are still on (nope, they weren't)...

I am still a trusting soul – I usually throw my keys on the visor. Did this morning too. Paper, coffee, sausage biscuit, sausage mcmuffin later, back out to get in car, take on day. Oh shit. Locked. A wise person would have a second set of keys, but noooooooooooooo. Ten blocks from home. Cigs and lighter staring at me laughing from inside the car. I hoofed it.

$112 heater fan switch thingy three weeks ago. $85 “oh shit my driver's side window won't go up and it's 32 degrees this morning” switch two weeks ago. $114 battery last week. And now I lock my friggin keys in the car ON A SUNDAY! I'm an idiot.

Four blocks in, a GD (gosh darn) leg cramp. GOSH I hope no one sees me walking. Finally home. Haha, packa cigs by computer. Thank you stove, I needed that fire. Googled locksmiths. Google
“How much does it cost to get your car unlocked?” and it ranged from $35 to $200 (dependent upon the time of day, location, and of course -weekends higher.) Crap.

Yellow pages. No, they're not passe'.. Still need 'em. Local #, called.. “No, I don't work on weekends.. but you can try Liberty Tow”... asked the guy outta curiosity how much he charges.. “$60”.. Figured I was looking at a hunnerd plus... Called Liberty Tow.. . Dude actually lives three blocks from me.. Came to pick me up.. Even took my credit card... “FORTY DOLLARS!” YIPPEEEEEEEEE!

Shook his hand, thanked him, thought “I'll go RIGHT NOW and get a key made to keep in my billfold.” Procrastination led me here. Damnit. That's it. Another checkenginelight story of me/my cruddy vehicles.

Tune in next week... who knows... antifreeze leak.. brakes cinching up.. starter out... alternator, hell who knows. As lock would have it. Love, Victurd.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

31 years ago, Don sang....

I don't believe in superstars, organic food and foreign cars
I don't believe the price of gold the certainty of growing old
That right is right and left is wrong that north and south can't get along

That east is east and west is west and being first is always best
But I believe in love I believe in babies I believe in mom and dad and I believe in you

(Yes, loved the 'veteran' Thomas Jones/Superstar '#1 draft choice' John Baldwin fist fight in pre-season due to Johnathon's “I am somebody” attitude)..
Organic food.. gimme a #2 please, and supersize the fries... GM, Ford, Chrysler for me please.

Mom and dad will always be mom and dad, even if in this day of frequent separation. Babies. I have a 10 month old granddaughter, you better know my opine there!


I don't believe that heaven waits for only those who congregate
I like to think of God as love he's down below he's up above
He's watchin' people everywhere he knows who does and doesn't care
And I'm an ordinary man sometimes I wonder who I am
But I believe in love I believe in music I believe in magic and I believe in you

Nice. Once heard “your true religion is the life you lead, not the creed you profess”.. Many might disagree.. Bottomline though, ok “not to necessarily look the part... but TO BE the part/believe” =ok.

Well I know with all my certainty what's going on with you and me is a good thing. It's true I believe in you

“You” as in wherethehell are you? Jk, kinda

Well I don't believe virginity is as common as it used to be
In working days and sleeping nights that black is black and white is white

That Superman and Robin Hood are still alive in Hollywood
That gasoline's in short supply the rising cost of gettin' by (Gas was $1.35 in 1980, a postage stamp fifteen cents, dozen eggs 91 cents, average wage $17K.)

But I believe in love I believe in old folks I believe in children and I believe in you I believe in love, I believe in babies, I believe in mom and dad and I believe in you.

Some things don't change with time. Cept me, and mebbe u. Reckon we're old folks now. Love, babies, mom, dad... believing in you. Life is still very good, some 31 years later. I believe.
Love, Victurd

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

For me…. hitchhikers welcome…..

I see deceased people. I do. Today is today, and tomorrow is tomorrow – but my brain CONSTANTLY goes to yesterday.

I see my sister smiling, doting on a small child. I see her lying in her bed at St. Lukes, a terminal situation – and when we walk in – a most beautiful, radiant smile brightens the room and completely eases the pain we have for her being in pain. She had a way to light up a room, even in her own discomfort. Yes, biased, but also – yes, true.

I see my father… moments after his mother-in-law had stitched up the cuffs of his slacks – walk into the room with one side purposely tucked up 6 inches higher than the other – to the dismay exhibited on my grandmother’s face.

I see my folks, my aunt/uncle, seated around the table playing pitch – ever present laughter – cigs in three of the four ashtrays. Fun. Fun they had. I remember my uncle winging whiffle balls past my cousins and I.

I remember the view from the backseat as my grandfather drove us across town at 22 miles per hour and grandma chastising “MAN, MAN, you’re gonna kill these kids, slow down!”.. (I don’t wanna make my grandmother out as a bad/mean person, to the contrary, not a nicer, more caring person in the world.)

I hear my mother’s voice on the other end of the phone asking (proudly) “How’s my Victor?”.. I see her smile. Her comforting me.

I see cousin Roger, and regret the fact I never told him he was my hero.

I hear Richard Justus’s bellowing voice. I see Louis Biggerstaff riding around in a cool, cool car. I see my buddy Bill Skillman sitting on his throne as the head honcho of the JFK pool. I see Logan’s smile, and I really miss the little guy.

I see/hear my wonderful mother inlaw at the dinner table turn her head to my ex, ask “does he need some more beans?”… She rocked. I will never forget the day – her first day of driving/freedom after bypass surgery (her hubby pharmacist, “by the book” when it comes to healthy eating).. she was parked at a small lot at Bennett Park. Worried something was wrong – we drove up to her.. Right hand after left hand, she was shoveling Taco Bell into her mouth. I loved her. She was a rebel, and a wonderful one.

I cry for yesterday, and not certain if it’s a feel good or hurt good kinda thing. We’ve all lost folks – the above somea the top ones on my list.

I continually see, think of those gone. I love carrying yesterday into tomorrow. Know you do as well. Happy day, love Victurd.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Hip Hip Hooray!

Can I be semi serious for a moment?

Hi, and thanks to all for the very nice birthday/birthday wishes. Today's blog will be short and hopefully sweet.

I think, when you/I were younger, we weren't quite so attentive. We went, did, kinda with blinders on.

As one ages (my take), you don't verbalize until after you scope out the situation, the reactions/behaviors of those all around.

In spite of my recent “two occasion run-ins” with snotnoses (as always, said lovingly) at fast food joints – I'm here to espouse our youth of today.

My life, at present, is perty simple. I work. And I occasionally (haha) go to “my joint”.. Within those travails, I run across boo-koo 20-somethings, 30-somethings. Where I work, 80 or so folks, the vast majority, 20/30-somethings.

From this,observances/interactions, I am not at all worried about our future as a country. With technology changing/rearranging/updating/adding onto faster than we change undies – the youth of today can/do handle. Will handle. We older folks hold one arm out in resistance - standoffish – the young ones say “bring it on... we can handle... we frothe new information.” And they do.

This ain't so much about that though. This is about the treatment of folks like me/mebbe you....fitty-something and up, by twenty/thirty-somethings.

My dealings, quite frankly, have been superb. I try to harken back to “was I that nice to older folks back in the day”?... and I ain't so sure.

I'm sure though, today's youth is/are phenomenal. They demonstrate care... concern... CAMARADERIE..fun.. optimism.. GENUINENESS in asking about our day/life/past.(And absorption of our answers).. interaction... “looking at us old farts as equals”.. and perhaps the largest one, they BEFRIEND US.

Having a birthday causes one to 'relive' the past year. I am S-O-L-D on the youth of America. And very proud (And thankful) to call many among them, friends.

Love, Victurd

Saturday, October 08, 2011

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign.. Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind.. Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?

Inspitea arguments about The Left, The Right... is our leader a leader... we're easily led. Awaken. Clock's sign says gettyup. Mirror. Signs of aging. Damn light.

Start car. Checkenginelight sign. Ding-signs until the seatbelts are affixed. Stop sign. Left turn this lane only sign. Stoplight sign is red. Green, a sign to go.

Speed limit 45 sign. Yellow lines signal where it's ok to turn into gas station. Enter/Exit signs on the doors. Restroom sign “occupied.” Damnit. Coffee. “WARNING – HOT!” sign.. Duh? Grab newspaper, pay cashier with his Habib sign on. “We prosecute bad checks” sign.

Back in car, more dings, checkenginelight. Open paper. Scurry to Horoscopes. My sign is Libra. A one inch paragraph, letting me know how me, and my fellow 12% of the population Libras, what kinda day we've signed in for.

291 sign. 152 sign. I-35 sign. Signs telling us where we can eat, sleep and get fuel on every exit. Mileage signs remind us how far we've to go, or been. Merge. Yield. Electronic signs telling us what roads are closed, where there are wrecks, even amber alerts.

Can't text and drive, so let's put up 7,342 signs on the way to work and see if they can handle that. Insurance signs. Radio Station signs. Sears. Casinos. Billboards = signs. And the sign said “Everybody welcome, come in, kneel down and pray.”

Brakelights, not a good sign. Tap the brakes. YEOUCH. They're right, coffee IS hot. Car behind tailgating way too friggin' close, would love to give them a sign, but I'm old, frail, and don't have on my bulletproof jacket this morn.

Finally to work. Handicapped sign, nope, can't park there. “Leon's” spot. Sorry, plz take next available. Do. “Please don't clock in before 8am” sign. K. “Enter password”, you know, your 'sign'. Do. Gives me a score sign, or, signs me to 'please remove hand” and do it again sign.

“On'/”Off” sign. Turn on computer. User ID sign please.. Password sign please. Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?

Open email, clicking the icon sign thingy. Email from boss in there. Oh shit, not a good sign. I move freight for a living. Mailbox fulla “where's this... when will this get there... found that missing piece” signs. Can u getme a “proof of delivery SIGNature on this one?”

Daily announcement over the speaker-thingy “It's 8am, have a great day.” Fancy sign for “We're paying you now, please get your ass to work.” Some, I've heard, spend three more minutes finalizing the daily Sudoku – perhaps the sign of a rebel.

“Here's your (health insurance papers, vision.. dental. 401K... new breakroom rules.. a card for chick down the hall whose b-day it is).. please sign.” Cloudy out. Uh huh, sure enough, speaker-thingy sign “It's about to rain, if your windows are down, you might wanna roll 'em up.” There's one guy, that rebel fellow. His windows are up, but what an opportune time to sneak another cig. “Smoking area” sign. Wave at coworkers, a sign of engagement, happy day offering.

Clock sign says 11:30... time for first lunch shift. On the road again. More signs. Dings. Read the big sign at fast food joint, ordered, and added “and a large water please.” Pass the “next window” sign, pullup, snotnose says “$2.89 please.” BUT THE SIGN SAID the two items I purchased were a buck apiece...”Yessir, but we have to charge you 50 cents for a large water.” THAT WASN'T ON THE SIGN? WHAT GIVES? THIS IS A SIGN WORLD for behoogety sakes. Victor, what's with this recent grumpiness you/snotnoses @ fast food joints? Sign I'm aging, I reckon.

Back to work, park next to Leon's sign. Eat my dollar munchies, drink my GD fitty cent water. Toss the bag with the sign about “keeping our environment” something or other away. Sign back in. Sign back into computer. More emails (signs) about 'where's this, where's that.. when will this one get there.”

And... an occasional fun email read or sent. A sign for mental health.

Drive home. Ding. Eat here. Stay here. Buy this. Right lane closed ahead. Don't drive on shoulder. (Why might I ask would anyone want to? Duh).. Mileage signs going other direction now. To 'my joint'. Park at “15 minute only” parking sign.

Barkeep sees me, sign enough for him to know what I want. I get it. Have mebbe one more. Clock sign says Happy Hour now over. (Why don't we label ALL 24 hours 'Happy”?)..

Home. Phone rings. Caller ID sign let's me know “nope, ain't answering that one.” User ID/password signs. Sign into Hotmail. Piddle for awhile, off to bed. TV on, breaking news signs. Eyelids struggling, sign enough for lights off.

Get up tomorrow (hopefully) – a good sign. And be led all around again by signs. Sign, sign, everywhere a sign,blocking out the scenery breakin' my mind, do this don't do that, can't you read the sign.

Signing off, love Victurd.

Thursday, October 06, 2011

Piss & Vinegar.. quick one......

God Bless Wiki. Had we had Wiki back in dino days, woulda made research papers SO much easier.. learning today is with the snap of a finger, and a few keystrokes, where even simpletons like me can discern piss & vinegar = "Rowdy, boisterous, full of youthful energy."

Wow do I love that. Study it please. Rowdy (without necessary regard to other's thinking)... boisterous (ditto)... full of youthful energy (well hell yeah!).. I think of 'piss and vinegar' as "fun, without stepping on other's toes"..

Since I'm putting this out on FB... a quick look thru 'friend list' and, KMA, but I'm listing those... when I see their names... "piss and vinegar" comes to mind.. and again, from these stinky size 10 shoes, that ain't a bad thing:

FB alphabetizes things.. sorry CJ.. you're up first.. you are mainly calm, reserved, stay in the background, but there are moments when you fill the room with PISS and VINEGAR!..

Schwaby, designated here for I have a love for your "I'll say what I want, and I don't give a rat's ass as to your reaction"

Cousin Jeannie.. you've been a rebel (said lovingly) ever since I've known you... I'm coloring you fulla piss and vinegar!.... Kendra Brumley.. I think piss is your second name, vinegar your third. Love u.

Randel Steven Norris.. when I "Wiki'ed" piss/vinegar, your photo popped up.

Stephen Webb... join the list my friend. Of all the folks I know, you are perhaps THE MOST unpredictable, and I happen to be a HUGE fan of "coming from leftfield." Welcome to the piss & vinegar list.

Made it through my friend list, and if you're in belief of you living a piss and vinegar lifestyle, and swing and a miss on not being on this list... kudo's to you for that belief.

S'more that come to mind.. my son's friend Logan Snodgrass (RIP).. Vic Rowan (RIP)... Rowan and Martin... Buehler.. Ferris Buehler.. Buck O'Neill (in a VERY good way)... Brett, Sabes, Goobie and the entire '85 cast...

I'm certain I've missed many. I'm certain that you, the one person that reads this blog, has names/faces/times pop into your head remembering "piss & vinegar."

I abhor the mundane... I cherish... salute... very much enjoy "piss & vinegar."

If piss and vinegar just lent one suggestion to us over our lifetime... it's
"don't pat answer"... be unique... be alive... be different... screw mainstream... leave 'em smiling (or scratching their heads if nothing else)...

Love, piss & vinegar Victurd.

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Past tense.........

Sure, there's jump, jumped... laugh/laughed... talk/talked... play/played... ask/asked.. watch/watched... wash/washed...

Ain't talking about that. Talking about “past tense”, or, awakening 'round this age, wearing life's “chest protector” and not being too damn bent outta shape about whatevers “up”. I'm past tense.

I've raised kids. Yes, many a night ago abed awake until 2am awaiting the front door to slam. Sure, parent-teacher conferences where the urge hit to pull hair out. The bird has flown the coupe, on his own.. sure, I'll help advise... but... past tense..

Resume', application, interview, HR folks, sweat, nervous-nous, one eye on dwindling bank account..”is this really what I wanna do?”.. “Even if it isn't, I GOTTA feed my family.”... 2nd interviews, more sweat... Phone ringing.. tenseness.. sorry... past tense... done with that. My company gets ridda me, we'll revisit, but I'm past tense.

Aging parents. I'm past tense. I'd give virtually anything/everything if they were still around where I could once again get tense, worry... can't... Past tense. And that's sad. Know many in same boat.

Keeping up with the Jones's.. lushest front lawn on the block... Car spit-shined? Sorry.. Color me past tense... sorry about the Egg McMuffin wrapper from Sunday on the dash.. the jacket I wore last Friday when it was windy - that's laying in the backseat... the 12 cig butts in the ashtray.. I'm past tense about that worry.

DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT HOW YOU'RE PERCEIVED? WHAT FOLKS SAY/THINK... REACT?

Don't shoot me, I'm past tense about that as well. I am far, far, far from prefect (oops) – but I am me.. I do enjoy treating folks nicely... but I'm past tense thinking/reading what they feel/think about me, as I am me.. and I have no control over their feelings. Sure, I hope folks like me, but, the answer to that comes basically from how I've treated them... so, past tense. Hopefully I've done ok...

Old age is kinda about past tense. We've all “ed” too many damn things. (Looking positively, that's experience... been there, done that......... we “ed”)... Past tense, don't worry. Too late, not worried.

I will admit, life's been a rush... and I enjoyed all those verbs in the present tense... “what shall I be?”..job-hunting, mate selection, children rearing, Bettered Homes and Garden.. Occupational overdrive...

Sorry. Color me past tense. “ed'ed out.” Now, it takes a flight of stairs to make my pulse race.

Kinda relaxing living in the past tense stage. Takes awhile longer to get from point A to point B.. the mirror ain't as friendly as it once was.. and I recently etched me a new belt loop hole to assist in recent expansion. All the same, past tense.

Occasionally, I get an email at work and the subject line contains the verbiage “URGENT”.. I giggle. Past tense. And wing 'em an email back:

-----auto-reply out of office... I will be back in the office 3/27/12 to attend to your needs---------------

Festers up some present tense. And hopefully, allows them to reevaluate winging that
GD word 'urgent'. It's no longer in my vocabulary... (lessen the squatter in Mickey
D's is occupied on a weekend morning when I wiggle with cheeks pressed together towards it.., and I GOTTA - bad).. admittedly, semi tense.

Anyways, you get my drift – I hope. Life is kinda-sorta like being a kick return blocker in football. One absorbs blow after blow, you keep marching up field.. sometimes you get pushed down.. .sometimes you push down, sometimes you get hurt.. sometimes you can't stand the excitement.. the not knowing what is coming next, and from where.. . eventually – you see daylight. Past tense.

Victor... might I remind you.. you visited The Dish Pizza tonight.. so this is 3 beers talking, and you promised you'd never do that again? (Color me past tense.) Past all the “ed” verbs. Been there, slopped thru/made it thru – that.

Love, Victurd(ed).....