For me…. hitchhikers welcome…..

I see deceased people. I do. Today is today, and tomorrow is tomorrow – but my brain CONSTANTLY goes to yesterday.

I see my sister smiling, doting on a small child. I see her lying in her bed at St. Lukes, a terminal situation – and when we walk in – a most beautiful, radiant smile brightens the room and completely eases the pain we have for her being in pain. She had a way to light up a room, even in her own discomfort. Yes, biased, but also – yes, true.

I see my father… moments after his mother-in-law had stitched up the cuffs of his slacks – walk into the room with one side purposely tucked up 6 inches higher than the other – to the dismay exhibited on my grandmother’s face.

I see my folks, my aunt/uncle, seated around the table playing pitch – ever present laughter – cigs in three of the four ashtrays. Fun. Fun they had. I remember my uncle winging whiffle balls past my cousins and I.

I remember the view from the backseat as my grandfather drove us across town at 22 miles per hour and grandma chastising “MAN, MAN, you’re gonna kill these kids, slow down!”.. (I don’t wanna make my grandmother out as a bad/mean person, to the contrary, not a nicer, more caring person in the world.)

I hear my mother’s voice on the other end of the phone asking (proudly) “How’s my Victor?”.. I see her smile. Her comforting me.

I see cousin Roger, and regret the fact I never told him he was my hero.

I hear Richard Justus’s bellowing voice. I see Louis Biggerstaff riding around in a cool, cool car. I see my buddy Bill Skillman sitting on his throne as the head honcho of the JFK pool. I see Logan’s smile, and I really miss the little guy.

I see/hear my wonderful mother inlaw at the dinner table turn her head to my ex, ask “does he need some more beans?”… She rocked. I will never forget the day – her first day of driving/freedom after bypass surgery (her hubby pharmacist, “by the book” when it comes to healthy eating).. she was parked at a small lot at Bennett Park. Worried something was wrong – we drove up to her.. Right hand after left hand, she was shoveling Taco Bell into her mouth. I loved her. She was a rebel, and a wonderful one.

I cry for yesterday, and not certain if it’s a feel good or hurt good kinda thing. We’ve all lost folks – the above somea the top ones on my list.

I continually see, think of those gone. I love carrying yesterday into tomorrow. Know you do as well. Happy day, love Victurd.