I resolve... for 2011...

To compile of list of very nifty, healthy, happy things for "change", "improvement", "best year yet"... Will puff chest out for January 1st thru, oh, say the 10th.. and then... like years past, will probably not be able to find the list come the first of March... will demonstrate s'more avoidance behavior. "I will (do that), but just not right now"... and still, through it all, somehow be able to 'stomach' me thru until the time I do same for 2012, the Good Lord willing.

I resolve to "stop time" the very first time I wrap my arms around one Ms. Aubrie Schultze (wheneverintheheck she decides to 'come out', due any day) and I just know, it will be as euphoric as the moment/feel/adulation 25+ years ago (as we left the C-Section, operating room thingy) and the nurse said "Mr. Schultze, would you like to carry your son down to the nursery?"

I resolve to put money aside every paycheck (ROF LOL) for: a nicer car, my 401K, a new roof, money for eye doctor to see whatsup with these "floaters" I see with my right eye, and, my emergency fund. (Made it thru Cub Scouts, never got to the "Be Prepared" Boy Scout thingy.)

Stop smoking. Fer sure. Uh huh. Yep. Prolly. Mebbe. One day. Hell, I've got 364 days to procrastinate. Let's see.... 364 times 35 per day.. that's... eh, nevermind.

Start working out again. I think I can I think I can. Drop fitteen pounds. Comfy again in the jeans. Two belt notches down. Chest almost as wide (in side view) as belly. I HAVE GOT to simply think: THERE'S WOMEN THERE IN SPANDEX. That'll get me there. Worked last time!

Less frequent trips to "my hideout".. you know.. the place where, when I pull in the parking lot, by the time I walk in the front door, my flavor of refreshment is already sitting on the counter... Hopefully, if I don't lose this list - by say, June, I'll hear "now what kinda beer was it you drink again, and what was your first name?"...

Keep up with the "Invoice Box" at work, keeping it virtually empty, daily (HEEEEE HEEEE HAAAAA HAAAA.. that's a REAL knee slapper!)

Use the word love, lots, and not be ashamed or afraid to do so. In using it, everyone must realize it doesn't mean ulterior "oh baby, oh baby" motives, it means "you shit you, I am SO glad to know you, love you, have you in my life. You spice it up - and for that I'm thankful." Toss it frequently to family, friends, coworkers.

Do laundry every weekend insteada every other. Brb, going to scroll up and add "put money aside for Laundromat" in the "put money aside every paycheck" thingy.

"Catch" friends, coworkers, loved ones, doing good - and letting them know I saw.

Get the heater-blower-motor thingy on my 1997 Buick Lasabre fixed. Makes me a real "chick magnet" should I ever date again in one of these KC winters. "Here, I have this little plug-in-the-lighter heater thingy, you can put it on your lap and stay warm."

Find that lifelong mate, to have, to hold, to cherish... until the day comes she too (like #1 and #2) chews me up and spits me out. It's all good. HaSnT aFfEcTeD mE.

Buy tickets when Brewers come to town and Boo Zack ("I don't wanna be here") Greinke when he pitches.

Attend as many Pittsburg State Gorilla football games as I can. My 'great' great-nephew is gonna rough some folks up next year from his linebacker spot!

Plug my DVD player in. (Nope, ain't yet.) Frequent Redbox. The Blind Side. (Has nothing to do with infatuation for Sandra Bullock.)

Find a new car insurance company (too damned high) a new Internet Provider (this one rediculou$) a cheaper cell phone (I don't need unlimited everything)..

Mebbe get another cat. Would love a hound too, but just not home enough to do justice.

Check for stray ear hairs weekly insteada bi-weekly.

Continue having fun. Laughing. Loving life. Writing. Camaraderie with buddies. Make fun of folks at work when they "earn it".

I resolve to make 2011 THE best year'a my life. Printing now. Ok, let's see. Aha. The bookshelf. I'll just stick it in this book... the 2nd row, 5th one over from the left. I won't forget that.... will I?

Love, Victurd.