You deserve a break today…………

The day started like virtually every, any day. Brushed the chops.. Greeted the mirror with “Good Morning Sir, you, once again, look like shit.”… small acknowledging grin followed..

Bathe? Wash hair? Nah… “See them shorts you wore last night?”… Uh huh. “Get ‘em”.. K. Deodorant. Brushed chops. Washed face… and out the door I went.

Bout the same time every morning.. I have a favorite parking place… It’s the one that puts the least wear and tear on my old body. Virtually every morning I race this grumpy looking old man, and his even grumpier, older looking banged up, rusted out Chevy truck - to THE SPOT.

AHA! Gotcha today Mister! (Couldn’t wait to catch his eyes, flash the shit-eatin’ grin of jubilation, victory. Did. When he ‘wins’, it’s the same grumpy leer - ne’er a smile. Oh well, my way.. his way..

“Yes, today I’d like the Big Breakfast, a cup of water and a Senior coffee.” I have no idea how old you must be to afford the Senior coffee at Mickey D’s, but one morning I’d ordered cofffee and the snotnose repeated back and prefaced with “and one Senior coffee.” (They’re 69 cents, and u get hella refills.). So, hence forward, “and a Senior coffee please.”

Chopped the sausage… jellied the biscuit… Salt and peppered the eggs.. grabbed a paper outta the wooden rack... Relaxed, read, ate… Life, especially on weekends - is good.

Read about the losses of our local pro sport’s teams… went thru the main section… questions of Obama.. A financial dude saying “economy getting better.” Skipped over an article on gays.. Peeked at the weather.. Read of local shooting, accidents.. And yes, I read the obits. Sadistic perhaps - but I just don’t wanna meet up some day with someone and ask “so how’s old so-and-so?”… “DIDN’T YOU HEAR?”… oh shit. So I read the obits.

By now, two trips to refill the coffee… a couplea spins of toilet paper… hands washed… face washed… yep, still look like shit. Back to clean the table.

With back to the arched snotnoses - I throw away my trash.. Place the front and sport’s section back in the rack.. Neatly fold the FYI section (u know, the Crossword puzzle… I’m an addict.).. Hold it so my body is between it and the kids behind the counter - and off I go to my car…

AHA! Did it again! Saved seventy-five cents.. Took their FYI/Crossword puzzle section!

Into the Piggly Wiggly lot I pull. (No, not to do groceries - u see I’m single, or divorced whichever you prefer.. I see cats at home. That’s it. Oh, there’s people on the TV, but it just ain’t quite the same.. So… I park.. .I people watch.. I listen to good music.. And I challenge the basta’s that daily create my puzzle.)

Read my horoscope.. Peeked at the birthdays of 80 and 90-something celebrities - feel old.. But it’s ok, I’ve still got my puzzle. Crank the sound a bit, the Temps came on… windows down, wonderful 50-something degree weather about…

Finally…

The the crossword page…..

WHAT?………. WHAT!!!!?…. Some bitch had already filled it out… Ok.. I give.. Forgive me Father for I have sinned… and I ‘earned ‘ this.

I hadta pee anyways. Mickey D’s on the way home. At my age, better stop as it’s three more blocks.. I no longer run like a race horse, but I do pee like one.

Went inside. No looks from the snotnoses. Peed. Swung by the newspaper rack on the way out……… Nanny nanny boo boo… I got me another one!

Back to Piggly Wiggly.. Filled out all but four letters - which, like my golf game, is par for the course. Seen five or six single ladies where I thought “uh huh.. She’s pretty damn pretty.” (Beats staring at cats. I will admit it is interesting to happen upon them in their newest sleeping place - but again, they’re cats.)

So….. Now I’m here. At the PC. “Two for three.” I beat the grumpy old man. Some bitch filled out my crossword. I took a second chance and won.

Single? Bored? Lonely? So get up and get away, to McDonalds.

McLove, Victurd