So, you're lying there. Eyes are open, but are they open for awhile? You have to pee. Do you get up and stay up, or, do you go back to sleep? Well, I hope you at least get up so you don't pee the bed.
This morning, coffee and insomnia won out. Strange bedfellows.
So.... drive to the gym, walk around the block a couple times until they unlock the doors at 5:30am? Be for real. We're talking retirement here.
Maybe a present dose of celibacy, yet, one gets up and does the dirty - as in, a spin thru Facebook.
Ahhhhh...NICE PIC! Their hounds turned one, cool! Look at those damn paws though.. They might have to refinance to pay for the next year of dog food.
Let's see.. ohhh, there's Ray Kinsella and a host of White Sox/Yankees walking out of a corn field onto a ballfield. Nice! Heaven and Iowa, synonymous.
Ok, this one is talking Politics... hmmm... "Intelligence? (When referring to half of the US, doesn't really matter which half.:) "I think not." Ohhh, take a ride on the Reading, if you pass GO *DO NOT* collect $200 as you're headed to snooze for a 30 day stay, s'il vous plaît? Enter wiping hands here, dust flying off, a job well done.
A teacher friend posted "When I was young, I considered becoming a monk/" "What happened?"..."I never got the chants." THANKS! I was nodding off and the coffee ain't even brewed yet, I needed that!
What's with teachers and humor? Another pal, former teacher coach.. posted "Lance isn't a common name these days, but in midievil times, people were named Lance a lot." That specific teacher coach, won over 900 games. He's the only soul I know with their own Wikipedia page. Well, Lucille Ball and I had a 5 second conversation once, but since she never said a word I don't count that.
An ad for a water activated hat to cool one's self down. I play golf. I'm a ginger. I get hot. My neck/face gets sunburned. I guess at one time I searched for a hat to buy.. How does Zuckerberg know?
I'm sorry, I won't bore you with any more FB stories. When I typed "I'm sorry", I guess I had my left hand off one key.. and instead I typed "I'm Dotty." Hell, nowadays ya never know ya know? I've felt dotty, er, I mean sorry for Johnny Cash ever since he sang that Sue song...
So, what do you do at 3am? I suppose it depends on if you are retired or not. I usually try to go back to sleep, but, that's difficult for me. I am a huge fan of breakfast out, so, if money in bank account, I go back to bed after coffee with visions of sugarplums, scrambled eggs and sausage (close ears here, hoping constitution happened as that's em bare assing at a restaurant.).
And, since I'm retired, I CAN NAP. Me and T pity the fool that has insomnia AND has to be at work at 8. Dolly, not dotty, always sings 9 to 5. All those years I worked 8 to 5, NOT FAIR she gets a paid lunch. What does big boobies have to do with it? Sorry, kinda.
So..... when I go back to bed.. my phone, an extension cord, and the charger accompany me. It has to be charged for the alarm to go off. Just kidding, you forget I'm retired, there is no alarm. Sorry for those still working. Take a 5 minute nap on your smoke break.
And on my phone I play some Sudoku. Hi, my name is Victor and I'm an addict. I am. Usually after once around FB, I play Sudoku on my laptop. When the eyeballs start having trouble distinguishing 6's from 9's and 8's, I head back to bed.
Strange things happen. I still play Sudoku. I virtually always fall asleep. USUALLY though, through the miracle of science and the genius of Alexander Graham Bell I will somehow call someone inadvertently at 4am. For whatever reason it's usually my boss, Andrew. A sleep dial, not a butt dial, but, same result I guess. He politely has gotten used to it. My plan A was to create a contact named AAAAA so, when I inadvertantly called the first alphabetical name on my contact list, it was AAAAA insteada Andrew. I think I used Spectrum's phone number, they never have a live human answer the damn phone anyways.
In my slumber, whilst snoozing with phone on and Sudoku opened, I've also somehow changed the language in my phone to Chinese. (It wasn't me who messed with your tariffs you basta's!).. I've instant messaged my granddaughter, sorry, mistake. And I've somehow created a search on Amazon to where once I finally do awaken I search my email to make sure I didn't order anything.
Do you slobber in your sleep? Yeah, I know it's gross, but it's natural and a great cause to me for the insomnia bit. Usually I flip the pillow over, but sometimes, if it's happened several times during the night, I flip it and end up getting a side that's still soaked. Eww. Sorry, slipped. Slobbered. I wonder what/where/how people who sleep on their back slobber? It's a wonder they don't choke. Do you change pillowcases as frequently as undies? If not, why not? Nonea my beeswax, just curious. Have you ever had a conversation about slobber? Me neither. Till now anyways.
SEE what 3am does to one? I always look at who is online at 3am. Left coasters, are they a goin' or a comin'? I have buddies who DAILY are online at 3am. WHY? I mean, I get insomnia a few times a week. But, daily? To each his, her own. Maybe the first slobber repudiates 'em and they can't go back to bed.
SEX. You haven't asked why I don't include sex to 3am talk. Ahm, hello. I got divorced in 2005 ya know. THERE WILL BE NO PILLOW TALK HERE!
Ahm, Victor, you already had pillow talk. Remember? Slobber? Intelligence? I think not.
Yeah, right you are. Ok, I've managed to stall nap until now, 5:44am. If I head back now, I usually sleep an hour. Perfect, breakfast ain't served until 7. Time for a shower, shave, and off I go. (That's a lie. A quick dose of deodorant, a spray of cologne, and ten times thru the bedhead with a wet hairbrush, I'm as good as yesterday. Shower later.
Insomnia. Eggciting eh?
By Henry Gibson and Mr. Pillow
Love, Victurd
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