ATTENTION: FORWARD MARCH!
Happens every May... ceptin', sometimes it usedta happen in June due to snow days, but virtual school took care of that junk - now, Graduation ceremonies are basically in May.
There's Pre-School Graduation....complete with graduation 'gowns' and hats made from colored paper, with glue, and a string on top representing the tassle. Folks are there. Siblings. Aunts, uncles, of course grannies, grandpas, the lucky ones - a great grandparent or two.
Kindergarten. Folks, we're getting formal now. Teacher in dresses and suits (WHAT?)..
And so on it goes.. 1st grade, 2nd grade, 3rd, 4th, Middle School, Junior High, High School, College/University..
Pics are everywhere. Sometimes folks have saved up over the years and we get a pic for every year they headed out to school on Day 1.
There are cakes, confetti, car parades, rental halls, Mylar balloons shaped in whatever the year is...s'more relatives.. s'more friends.
ATTENTION (so to speak)...
and then...
FORWARD MARCH!.... Paul Harvey style.
BUT HEY? What about us old farts? Can we not gain recognition? We graduate from lotsa stuff too!
Leaving Las Vegas...er, I mean Leaving Singlehood. A huge step in life. Part of me hears Roy Orbison's "It's Over,", but anudder parta me hears Meat Loaf and his "Paradise By The Dashboard Light." (I will loveya til the end of time.. and now I'm praying... eh, nevermind.)
We graduate to our first briefcase.. 40 hour job (patooey)... car payment.. WHAT? I have to get full coverage? MORTGAGE? For 30 years? Life with Michelob just turned to Natty Light.
A CHILD? We're having a baby graduation ceremony? Gender reveal, baby shower, buy this, buy that, paint the room, put together this Ikea crib, the time comes.. the time comes.. the time comes.. water breaks (do they have graduation ceremonies for that? contractions.. labor.. if those eyes could kill, she's staring at you as if it WAS your end of time..)
Then, we graduate from ever having enough sleep. Damn colic. Onesie outfits.. diapers, diapers and more diapers. Pull-ups.. Potty trained! (Let's have a graduation party!)
And then we too go thru all that pre-school, 1st, 2nd.. middle.. jr high.. high school..on to college.. we're to the halfway point of graduating from that 30 year mortgage.. "Honey, let's refinance... it only makes cents.." Crap.
Aging parents, we never hope that 'course' of life ends. Sadly, it does. We 'graduate' carrying a piece of them in our heart forever. We have many of their traits. Much of their keepsakes that continue to bring tears to our eyes for years.
RETIREMENT. Hell to the yes we'll have a graduation party! ATTENTION: FORWARD NAP! Gimme a head with hair, long beautiful hair, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen..is replaced by: Gimme a porch swing, Ex-Lax, Alexa to tell me the day of week, readers, large fonts, that check that comes like clockwork at midnight every 3rd Tuesday of the month, a scale with the numbers so small you can't read 'em,.... every question comes with 'depends'.. depends if I wanna, depends if I've got the energy, the money, yada, to one day simply just being Depends.
The G baby! We graduate to the G-word, GRANDPARENT! Move that damn tassel over and hand me that baby! Thankfully, for the next umpteen years our ugly mug won't be on Facebook, instead, we'll post way too many damn (but gorgeous) pics of infant, toddler, first tooth, first steps, yada - for a long, long time. There ain't nuttin' like a grandbaby's smile to make that bursitis, arthritis, back pain WHISK away!
We sit alone at night. Nudge the other, say "Listen"... and there ain't nuttin' heard. "Listen to what?".. "That." "WHAT?".. "The quiet. Ain't it perty?" "Yes... yes it is.. ahm, whatinthehell was your name again?"
Ah, life. Graduations abound. Hassles, tassels, love, tears, years, sadly-> mirrors...
We now come complete with sound effects for every move we make. We kinda sound like a pirate ("Arrrrr") when we get outta bed, up from a chair, the stool. Near trips, falls, dropping things brings us laughter and giggles.
We've graduated from the wrinkles bugging us so much. And, the belly. To hell with worry - gimme that carton of butter pecan ice cream from the freezer. Slowly, we graduate from worrying so much, a good thing.
So sure, take one (Ensure) down, pass it around, 99 bottles of Ensure on the wall.
Next time you look for your car keys that are in your hand, your phone that's in your back pocket, the reason you came into the room - you have formally graduated to bonifed. A bonified older American. So toss confetti, tape up streamers, move that tassel from the left to the right (or was it right to left?).. and no more tests, exams, jobs, cartwheels,... you just passed... gas.
Love, Victurd
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