5,610 days ago,.....1,662 blogs ago, I started this goofy blog. I guess when one is in the kitchen, they know by the ingredients whatinthehell they are going to cook.
This blog, not so much. Intent, I guess, is for it to be light, stress-free, hopefully occasionally entertaining...hopefully reminding us all (without preaching, again, I talk to myself) to think positive.
Naming this blog was easy. Just when you've gotten little Joey to stop smearing poo on the wall, tell you when he's gotta go, no longer have to buy diapers.. .about when Susie understands she's GOT to do what her 5th grade teacher says... immediately after 'whoa baby hubba-hubba' with wifey.. the boss no longer furrows one eyebrow when he listens to you.. there's food in the fridge, money in the bank, and the sign on the door says No Solicitors... the GD (Gosh Darn) Check Engine Light comes on in the car.
Life happens, goes smooth.. then, uh oh. 'Right front tire pressure one'....'Failing Mass Air Flow Sensor' (the hell?)... 'Ignition Coil Issues'.. 'Replace Catalytic Converter'.. Allofasudden, Joey has gone in his pants.. Susie got detention... wifey said "not tonight".. there's nothing for dinner in the fridge.. and Will I have any money left in the bank after I buy a GD (Gosh Darn) Catalytic Converter?
It never fails. Happens. Two summers ago, yippee, was making the 1,265 mile trip to Arizona to see Spring Training. By my lonesome, but I like me. Long about 723 miles from home, somewhere in the middle of New Mexico, uh huh, Check Engine Light comes on. Something or other about oil pressure.. as in there wasn't any because my car spit it all out. It took several days, trip to Arizona cancelled, car fixed, headed home. That kinda Check Engine Light.
Today I was thinking, if they can build a car that can drive it damnself... back a boat into the water with the touch of a button, pickout and play anything you wanna off Pandora, have your seat heat you until you are sweating, AND give you a back massage.. then they oughta.. they oughta:
Be able to afford, create, invent, the same kinda things (Check Engine Light-wise) for the human. There could be an invisible screen directly in fronta your eyeballs. Warning messages could pop up when needed.
You know, like "Dryer sheet coming out of left pant leg"... or, you're headed to meet that Match.com beauty and you're warned "Booger coming out of right nostril."
Ya might be walking into boss's office for annual salary review and up pops "Shirt on inside out." These things could saveya!
Just before you sit down at the poker table with your buddies you see the warning "Static electricity warning, wife's nylon panties affixed to the back of your shirt."
After going to pee... it could play "Zippity Do Dah" if you forget!
You could program it with a list of people, phone numbers, etc, that you have no interest in seeing, dealing with. At the Piggly Wiggly, "TURN AROUND, so-and-so coming around corner in 8, 7, 6, 5.."
There could be one for dating interests... you walk into a cafe, you see her.. oh baby does she look nice.. "Warning, don't do it, she fooled around with the gardener and took her hubby for every penny he had."
Or, back to the Piggly Wiggly.. a positive warning.. "YES, turn around, it's worth another look!"
There's listeners... congenial conversationalists.. and then them kinda people you start talking to, twenty minutes in ya ain't done anything but nod your head, you finally get out of it, and they didn't learn (nor care) one thing about you. Check Engine Light For Humans could warn you in advance with a simple "NOPE."
Or, there could even be a warning for when you're blogging, and up pops "Victor, I don't know if you've ever held their interest, but you're rambling now, time to vaminos." Gulp, ok!
I'll go.
Whew, Joey what's that smell? Hi Baby, what's for dinner, and more importantly, is dessert in store?
Check Engine Light For Humans, by Henry Gibson
Love, Victurd
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