Weather or not......

Blue skies smilin' at me
Nothin' but blue skies do I see
Blue birds singin' a song
Nothin' but blue skies from now on

Contrary to Willie, or Irving Berlin, or Ella Fitzgerald, or whoeverinthehell wrote this - nuh uh. The weather ain't always chirpy. Correlate, neither are we...

I never saw the sun shinin' so bright,
never saw things goin' so right
Noticing the days hurrying by, when you're in love, my how they fly by
Blue days, all of them gone
Nothin' but blue skies from now on

Mebbe there are some miraculous folks out there who always see sunshine (including those in love),
I prefer to think most endure all the temps, and TRY to think sunshine.

Blue skies smilin' at me
Nothin' but blue skies do I see Blue days,
all of them gone
Nothin' but blue skies from now on

Today, a dreary day here in the Midwest. Boomers perhaps remind us of a greater power, a better place. Sometimes though, life, and/or weather - make me wanna dive headlong into bed, throw a sheet, a blanket and two comforters over me, hence, stating "go to hell for a bit world, I just wanna be alone, I don't wanna whistle, smile, yap, email, text, answer the phone - whatever, I just wanna snooze and hopefully awaken to blue skies (and perfection - ha!)"

Blue skies smilin' at me
Nothin' but blue skies do I see
Blue days, all of them gone
Nothin' but blue skies from now on

Snow happens. Frigid occurs. Wind slows the path, or knocks you over. Caught in rain sends chills, a miserable feeling shortly after.. (Just ask my granddaughter.. her good intentions g-pa took her for a spin the other day in the convertible... "oh crap, I din't see that rain cloud".. followed by "you deserve this screaming at the toppa my lungs g-pa" until I could pullover and get the top back up.)...

Heat. Very hot. Fan can't spin fast enough. AC can't keep up. Can be immobile and still sweat. Drenched happens.

Blue skies smilin' at me
Nothin' but blue skies do I see
Blue days, all of them gone
Nothin' but blue skies from now on

Life, attitudes, traffic, work, people, sports, politics, luck, lack thereof - liken the weather. Unless your butt is parked in San Diego - it ain't never perfect. Yes, I'm aware that's a double negative, but sometimes weather (and life) propels doubly negative. Blog general intentions are to boost, cheer up, look for the positive. Sometimes, there ain't any overcoming cloudy, dreary, sleepy.

Wait a minute, it stopped hailing,
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing,
Playing baseball, gee that's better,
Muddah Fadduh kindly disregard this letter.

You tell 'em ya little snotnosed Annie! Love, Victurd

April musings....

Hope. We KC folks, every year, hope springs eternal. Baseball Ray, baseball. This year, even more hype, hope. "Our time." Eight losses in a row - sometimes, likens life. Down, down, down, down happens - inspitea which, you gotta remember simply how much fun it is to stand and sing "Take.. me out to the ballgame.. take.. me out to the crowd."

Conversation... friends.. "What's been your favorite 'decade' of your life? 0-10? Teens? 20's? 30's? 40's? 50's?".. After some seemingly deep thought, the general consensus was '20's'.. Makes sense I spose. The newfoud adulthood, coupled with the still attached childhood invigorism, topped off by "no parental responsibilities yet" (not to mention raging hormones).

Annuder conversation: I highly recommend this experiment with a group of friends, no matta how well (or not) you know them: "Tell us something we don't know about you?". Fun the stuff you learn. 'Twas even funner when all the chicks got up to go to the restroom and we gents sank the conversation to hilarious, fun, lows.

The mole game at Chucky Cheese. I know I've mentioned this one before, don't care. You remember the game.. ya stand there with a mallet, and every time a mole pops up, you try to smack it down. Likens life too, and sometimes difficulties wading through, being a happy mole. I knew this feller, he told me he had a REALLY crappy week at work. I asked why.. He said "I ain't real sure why some folks are put in management positions.. the ones I've noticed, GREAT business savvy, no leadership skills. It's never "Catch 'em doing good" - it's always "tromp on them when you (seek and) find that mistake." I warned this feller to use caution, "cause I've heard of lawsuits, terminations from stuff put on the web." He told me "I don't give a rats, I tire of being their mole." I told him he was either brave or stupid.

Uplifting. April is pretty decent for uplifting. Ya drive around town, ya see activity. Thoughts turn from "it's cold.. let's get home.. eat dinner.. watch TV.. observe the gas meter dial racing"... to "whatinthehell can we go do now?".. (Excitedly) "whereinthehell can we go now?".. "Let's thinka some new places, things to do.".. "I'll go grab my shorts/T-shirt/sandals." "Top down?".. "SURE!"..

April is kinda a new beginning. Change. Again, hope. Excitement. Invigorism. "Can't wait!".. Planning. Doing. Going. Interaction. Alive.

April is a great reflection time for us old turds. We see the kids go/do, and it kinda-sorta brings back our childhood. For certain, our smiles. Our "I remember when I could do that." A pep in the step. An excitement to awakening daily. Happy folks. April is contagious.

Got abouta third left of April. May you go/do/have fun until May - and continue throughout the course of the summer. I'm sure gonna try. Love, Moleturd.

Coincidence?

Attended the "Celebration of life" of one taken from us much too soon yesterday. A beautiful service. Into the car after... now the hard part starts for the family.. or was the 'service' over?

Started car, radio comes on, first thing I hear is "Angels"... Baseball game, Angels versus Yankees... switched to FM...... "Stairway to Heaven."

Angels Stairway to Heaven. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Hoppy Easter......... Eggciting!

In spite of my eggspanding waistline, I drove past the gym where I eggsercise (it's closed for Easter, my eggscuse) and did the Mickey D thing, Big Breakfast, hot cakes, sausage, scrambled eggs, all the eggstra's.. and "may I have an eggstra thing of syrup?".....

Drove to see granddaughter, took the normal eggsit, gotta see her eggscitement eggspressed with a grin from ear to ear as she dug into her candy basket - full of suckers, jelly beans, and of course Easter eggs... Eggstatic she was. My eggswife even had a pillow puppy for her, matches her bedsheets eggzactly. Her eggzuberance eggsceeded my eggspectations. Eggzactly what this old man needed.

I eggzceeded my stay, drove home... thought to myself "today is quiet.. nothing really to do now, nowhere to go.. mebbe I should blog..".. Struggled in doing this, nothing really to eggspound. Hard to eggspress my feelings.

Could talk about the pleasure of simply eggzisting, and how one should be eggstremely happy just for that simple fact, but I've done that one.. already eggsplained that I am eggstatic daily when I awaken.

Looked around house. Eggstreme makeover? Nah, not motivated to that eggstent, sorry eggspectations.

So just what do I wanna eggspress... how can I eggspound on that... (no eggspletives Victor, you do too much of that shit.) yeah, ur eggsactly right.

You could eggstol praise upon coworkers, at your job where you eggsport Military members household goods. Nah, that might come off as if I was trying to eggzude to the eggzecs that I was begging for eggstra pay. Besides, some of 'em prolly don't even know I eggsist.

It is eggstremely eggzasperating to sit here (at monitor) and stare at a blank page where no words eggsist. Eggshale. My brain is about to eggsplode. (Like walking on eggshells here)...

Victor, this ain't an eggzam, just eggspress what you feel... eggsert some energy. Sorry Charlie, hard to eggstract thoughts. My brain is old... almost eggstinct.

EGGSTRICATE Victor, EGGSTRICATE! Be an eggztrovert. Eggzhort!

Wow... this is becoming like an eggzam. Trouble eggspressing thoughts. I'll be eggstatic to get the hell outta this one.

Time has eggspired. Eggzodus time I think. Sorry I wasn't eggciting. Eggstremely apologetic. Ineggscusable. Some eggzample I set eh?

It's ok Victor. Today (and today only) we'll make an eggception. No egg on your face. We won't eggzecute ya.

Whew, thanks... I can't eggzpress that enough... You're no bunny until some bunny loves you - and I feel the love. I am gonna get the heck outta here... Qouting Snagglepuss - eggzit, stage left...

Hoppy Easter - may it find u all eggstatic. Love Eggturd.
(Ya shoulda seen spellcheck on that one!)

Radiators... life.......7/3/2005

I just took off my shoes... used my toes and fingers to determine, this is the 1,168th blog I've ever written.

The very first was written on July 3rd, 2005, which oddly, is my only child's birthday.

Thus far, I'm up to 3 'followers', which translates to - by the time I'm 80, at three every six years, I should have 13.5 readers. And, when you think of being age 80-something, it very much makes the .5 all that more understandable.

Radiators? Symbolic, to me, of life and how we handle, go through. You can go down I-435 at 70 MPH, run like the wind, but, if you overheat, have too much pressure, you're suddenly on the side of the road... cussing, frustrated, that 'something' an inch and a half thick could play such a large role in your transit...

I liken radiators to crying. (NO Victor, not another blog on crying! Many already think you're one'a the wimpiest here already, and if you keep it up, they may even accuse you of being a Fiji insteada a Sigma Nu!)...

Sorry... it's me.

Our radiator, we never think of, until there are problems. We don't think much about problems, until we cry.

Most radiators, there's a release valve. Same thing in life. Our person. Occasionally, we haveta pull that car over to the side'a the road, open the hood, lift the release valve... relieve the pressure.

Life, when 'weird' things happen... self pity... things not going exactly as ur damn daily horoscope indicated it would... tail tucked between legs due to something offensive/hurtful said about you by one.. a loved one, speaking prior to thinking about what they were about to say...

We overheat. We blow a gasket. We spew. We sit on the side of the road not knowing whereinthehell to turn next.

We go through a visitation line.. we meet up with the 80-something year old father of one'a your best friends, who's just lost his spouse of 60+ years - the thermostat gauge is going nutso, you try not to allow the radiator cap to blow - you get past... walk a bit.. and then you spew... u basically lose it.

That's feel. And feel is/can be a very good hurt/feel good thing.

Of course, there's also the very good cry, and about all I can correlate that to a radiator is having the damned thermostat finally kick in to spread warmth allover you, the interior of the car.

Simple looms large on this. Could be simply watching your grand kid. Could be watching your kid watch your grand kid. Could be seeing a friend in a proud moment. Could be listening to the radio when they give a Military member in need a free car. (Damnit Victor, you sap.. I've seen you crying twelve times driving down Highway 71 this past year listening to that radio station as they do that.)

Could be a moment... where you simply stop and think about nuclear family, or extended family.. they're now gone... and, you well up, not so much in self-pity, but more - thankfully - that you've got these great memories embedded in your brain - you wanna shout/share, but simply when these mems surface to the forefront of your brain - it's a well up kinda thing. It's ok radiator, we've got more coolant for replacement.

Crying is feeling, and can be an appreciation for 'what once was'.. Victor, you've said that before. I don't care. You can't steal my past. You can't alter my past. You can't make me think differently about my past. My past is my present - and if that occasionally means having the radiator overheat - so be it.

Pressure. Life puts us into moments of pressure. We each react differently. I could give a rat's ass if anyone knew, upon occasion, I was lead to tears. I would also love to relate (and i promise to try into the future to do so) when I see happy, good, OMG, that makes me well up - and want to relate that to the ones making me elated.

I've rambled, sorry. Gauge past mid-point of cold to hot. I get on FB, read some of the things people write, sometimes think "Why? Whyinthehell do you air your dirty laundry here?"..........

Then, I blog, and probably do the damn same myself. I reckon don't care tonight. Have keyboard, will type.

Check ur fluids often. Keep a fitty-fitty mix. Know, "hey, sometimes overheat happens." I personally hope you are able to cry in good times and bad. In good, triumphantly, and in bad, hopefully remembering to simply 'feel' can be a very good, therapeutic thing.

Finger on the release valve, love, Victurd

Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again,

Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain,
Still remains, within the sound of silence.

"Paul Simon took 6 months to write the lyrics, which are about man's lack of communication with his fellow man. He averaged one line a day." This past year, I lost two friends, whom, I truly believe, had I, or anyone, known the pain they were going through - they'd still be here today.

In restless dreams I walked alone, Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night, and touched the sound of silence.

Smaller scale of silence, yet LARGE nonetheless: Marriage, friendships, employee/employer, related family members: sometime silence plays a huge role in misunderstanding... and it becomes SEEMINGLY much easier to 'wash our hands' of the relationship - rather than dig in, work together, "I'll tell you how/what I feel, then it's your turn." Sad. Happens.

And in the naked light I saw, Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening,
People writing songs, that voices never share.
And no one dared, Disturb the sound of silence.

Not preaching, reminding (me.) Victor, you've been through depression - you know of the numbness, the inner silence with no apparent outer 'defect.' The use of "crutches" so as not to feel something. Yes, yes I do. If we suspicion depression... Then what? Suggestions?

Yes, be on their side. BE YOURSELF. Reassure. Give understanding. Offer to help, in any way that you can - and follow through if you're taken up on that. Try to spend time with them and supportive friends and in re-vitalizing activities.

"Fools" said I, "You do not know, Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you, Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed, In the wells of silence.

Learn everything you can about clinical depression. Participate.. a movie.. a walk.. going out for lunch, dinner. Offer to run errands. Do step back occasionally, but resist the common urge to stay "arm's length". Worst possible thing we can do. No, understanding, relating, jumping in their shoes hard, difficult, tummy-churning, but - very much worth it. Scroll to top, two who are no longer here that I really believe could be. Stay in touch. Communicate with others in this person's network.

And the people bowed and prayed, To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning, In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls." and whisper'd in the sounds of silence.

Look around. There's depression. From the very young, to the very aged. Some, easy to detect, others - not so much. Candidates: Teens, men, women, widows, parent's whom have lost a child, soul surviving nuclear family members, a friend, a coworker. It's out there. We can help. (I strongly advise Googling 'how to help those with depression', read further on how you can help, what you can do.. along with WHAT NOT TO DO/SAY.) Thanks for reading, loveya, Victurd.