Regrets

He wants to dream like a young man
With the wisdom of an old man
He wants his home and security
He wants to live like a sailor at sea
Beautiful loser…

Regrets.. I’ve had a few… I shoulda not quit teaching, would be retired now. 1981, United Airlines. “Victor, we’re laying off in Kansas City, you can go to New York or Chicago PERMANENT part-time, or quit.” Oops. Many of my buds who did are retired.

Beautiful loser
Where you gonna fall?
When you realize
You just can't have it all

S’more regrets. Wish I’da spent money I’ve spent over the years on 5% beer on a 5% 401 K instead, oh well,but then again, think of the many, many smiles, happy times, camaraderie.

He's your oldest and your best friend
If you need him, he'll be there again
He's always willing to be second-best
A perfect lodger, a perfect guest

I regret not selecting the perfect woman for me, or, I spose conversely not being the perfect man for she(s)… I am far, far, far from perfect – but twice in my life I’ve heard “it just isn’t there any more”… Beautiful loser, sure – but, don’t believe that was all my problem.

Beautiful loser
Read it on the wall
And realize
You just can't have it all
You just can't have it all

I regret not telling folks I REALLY love/like, that I really love/like ‘em. Not any longer – I do tell. What better than hearing from someone “Hey, I love you”.. “Hey, I really like you”.. and thankfully, old age has taught me to spout that out with pretty good frequency nowadays.

You just can't have it all
Ohh, ohh, can't have it all
You can try, you can try, but you can't have it all
Oh yeah

I regret not knowing cats until my 30’s… I regret not being home frequent enough now to justify a hound. I regret not saying to the ones who are now gone, who impacted my life, “hey, you impacted my life.”

He'll never make any enemies, enemies, no
He won't complain if he's caught in a freeze
He'll always ask, he'll always say please

I regret any moments, periods of shyness. It feels so good nowadays to have this converted extrovert inside me that ain’t afraid to say “damn, you look nice today.” “Hey, I heard how you handled that situation on the phone, way cool” I regret all the missed years of not pumping people up, ‘cause it in turn pumps me up. Selfish? Mebbe, but not a bad trade off.

Beautiful loser
Never take it all
'Cause it's easier
And faster when you fall

Fallen. Done plenty of that, over and over again. Only regrets there, simply not “getting up fast enough upon occasion.”

You just don't need it all
You just don't need it all
You just don't need it all
Just don't need it all

Thanks for the song Bob. Kinda made me dance/type/sing all in one. Ok, I spose I regret the missed years of “who gives a damn what you look like dancing, get out there an FEEL.

1. to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it. (Been there, opened mouth, done that)

2. to think of with a sense of loss: to regret one's vanished youth. (Nah, lived, loved, and loved the times)

3. a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc. (comes with living)

4. a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc. (Comes with being human)

Sure, life sends us regrets. All in all, I’ve had a pretty darn good life, sure, with some regrets. Hope urs has been wonderful as well.

Love, Victurd

Embrace…

A very spiffy word (to me anyways)… My first thought: a hug.. not naughtily, but platonically. A bit more emphatic if related, or mebbe longterm friendship involved – or perhaps accentuated by time, distance.

Ya gotta love a hug.. “Says” I love you, no matta what’s transpired. I love you, for WHAT has transpired. Even mebbe simply, I really love/like you as a person. It’s just a few seconds, but in those few seconds the mind focuses, the corners of the lips upturn – and ‘feel good’ is simply heightened.

Yeah yeah, sure, there’s that passionate embrace… at least I think I remember.. First hug at the Drive In theater (shortly followed by that baby peck)… that first real embrace on one’s wedding night.. Everyone DOES still ‘wait’ don’t they? Hehe. Victor, don’t laugh at ur own crap. Sorry, slipped.

That ‘naughty’ embrace…. Why do they call it naughty if it’s such a beautiful thing? Anyways, Dictionary.com or onea those sites I Googled told me embrace is even euphemistic for “you know what.”

Onea my favorite observances of embrace happened recently at a Royal’s baseball game.. Military dude, believed to be overseas, proposes on the HUMONGOUS scoreboard to his girlfriend.. and… well.. just watch it if you like:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6SsQ0cAI8Y&feature=player_embedded

I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t come back and finish reading this either, was/is kinda boring… as in “ahm, sorry Victor, I really didn’t embrace the idea.”

Embrace a candidate… an idea… a movement.. a hobby, a sport, a TV series, a culture, yada yada yada… lot to embrace over. Adopt, espouse, seize, comprise, cover, embody.. yeah baby…

Ain’t real sure who wrote it, but Pete Seeger and The Byrds, in 1966’s “Turn, Turn, Turn” sang: To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Embrace = hugs. Hello’s and goodbye’s, with a whole lotta feel good inbetween – but it romantic, platonic, blood kin, longtime friend, the “do you remember when we…” kind.. Hugs/embraces, are a very good thing.

Stolen: Don't fear change - embrace it (Anthony J D’Angelo)..; Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course (Shakespeare).. The older I get, the more I embrace my own idiosyncrasies (Brittany Murphy)… We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. (Kenji Miyazawa)..

I’m embracing your thought/idea that this is getting kind boring.

Nevertheless, embrace is a very, very good think. Oozes of passion, many types. May embraces very much be a part of your life…

Hugs…. Love, Victurd

I dunno.. some junk we mighta missed....

The Dueling Pistols.. DAR.. . Coach Cokely, Coach Owen.. K Mart.. National Merit Scholars.. Eisens.. First National Bank.. Commercial Bank.. The Police Blotter in the Liberty Tribune.. Their competitor The Libery Shopper News.. Help Wanted Men/Help Wanted Women.. . Categories.. Liberty Hills.. McBowl (Harrison, Joan McCoy, Ida Skinner)... Mr. Stevick (RIP)...Awards Assemblys.. P. Casper Harvey..

1967.. Elections.. sewers.. city offices.. a hospital.. the city's biggest industrial plant.. Manley Thompson mayor.. The old City trucks that would spray bug spray in the summers... Jim Mayberry, Charlie Lee - two of the best ever.. A curfew proposed in September '68... Liberty House/Bedingers.. Hydro House????.. Beagles Rental Center..

January 11, 1968 (from old Tribune) Residents show up

Yesterday,

All my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Yesterday. Banana bomb pops from the ice cream man. Slip and slide with no worry about high water bills. A ‘one speed’ bicycle with a ball glove on the handlebars. Kick the can with practiced whisper voice. Freedom. Freedom to roam without worries, responsibilities.

Suddenly,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

School. Buddies. Unpaced fun times. The Twin Drive In. The Koo Koo. A respect for the role models in our lives – be they our parents, our teachers, relatives, bosses at our first jobs..

Why she Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said, Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Eh, speaks to broken relationships. I loved yesterday, carry many very good memories. Yesterday is a scrapbook of the mind. Everything ends. Even incessant folk's orations.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

I see no reason to hide. I love today. I am at an age, whilst not deathly – aware. Aware the better parta my life is probably behind me… yesterday. So, whatthehey, live/love/enjoy/go/do.

Why she Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said, Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

We went over that already, but it’s kinda fun (for me anyways) to revisit past relationships.. First crushes, first loves, 8th grade sock hops, proms, courtwarmings, homecomings, first “you know”s, engagements, marriage(s)… to have shared a special moments/times in life, with a special person – cool. Thank you yesterday.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

Yesterday has made us who we are today. Life’s events have been poured into that big funnel – and we’re each somehow molded from that. I loved yesterday. Quite often, the brain steers to a certain moment, happening, event, from a certain yesterday day – and it makes the corners of my mouth turn up, smile, and sometimes tugs close to that damn crying moment.

I look way forward to tomorrow, simply to create, file, immerse, love, indulge, enjoy – and create, future yesterdays.

Love, Victurd.

A short jump off a long Pier….

That time of year again. Corporate Challenge. Mostly by default (no volunteers) I sign up for some sports junk annually, unfortunately with brain thinking/oft time acting 20-something (and no regard for my age, body.)

Played basketball last year. They don’t group by age, and all it took was one ‘season’ to comprende, “Victor, you shouldn’t do this.” So didn’t.

Played softball, didn’t embarrass self, so – a success (in spite of us exiting after two games in the double elimination tourney.)

Long jump, aha, I usedta do that… did it last year.. Victor? You’re old, you repeat yourself, are you gonna tell that ‘far board/near board’ thing AGAIN? Mebbe. Bite me.

First, traffic. This event was held in “Jaahnson” County (on the Jayhawk side of State Line). At a High School two times the size of the college I went to. I Google Mapped directions, and off I went. I swear to goodness 135th Street went straight from my work to this place at 135th and Switzer.

Didn’t. A dead end halfway. I’d decided to take the backroads, ‘cause the 4-6 lane Interstates in Kansas scare me. They’ve got it backwards there, the motorcycles dudes aren’t mandated to wear a helmet – when in actuality they should wear full armour.

Six lanes, way too many damn people, all using the tailgating rule of thumb “one tire length per every 10 MPH.” Driving the Interstates in Kansas makes me more nervous than Barney Fife after five cups of coffee. People sneaking up on me bugs me. I can sense, at work, when they stand behind me when I'm mid-email to a customer. I know they are reading, so I switch to all caps.. type I KNOW YOU ARE STANDING BEHIND ME. BITE ME AND GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE and mosta the time they giggle, await my end to email.

Heard of two wrecks on the main drag as I gallivanted lost going the backroads. Eh, I finally made it.

I missed the main entrance into the joint.. took the 2nd one.. and lo and behold, over 100 guys within 50 yards of me practicing the long jump. Only one other car in this closeby parking lot. The dummies. I had on work clothes, “how far is the bathroom to change?”.. Uh oh (too).. “I gotta pee. HOW FAR TO THE BATHROOM?”…

Could it be? The old nervous tinkle I remembered before an athletic event? Nah, incontinence. Just then, I saw my empty Ronnoco coffee cup, aha, our problems are solved. They’d have to have binoculars to see anyways.

The ‘far board/near board’ thingy from last year.

Last year. Two lanes to jump. Also, two options to jump from. There was a board ten feet from the pit, and one five feet from the pit. “Sir, which would you prefer?” Puffing what’s left of my sagging chest out, “Why, I want to jump from the board that’s ten feet away, tyvm.”

I ran, hit the board perfectly, jumped 9’8”, which is exactly 4” from the sand, and on very hard asphalt. “Ahm, is it Ok if I switch to the close one?” “Sure”.. “Thanks.”

So, back to 2011, we warm up. The flat-bellied young punks chose a spot on the runway from just this side of Topeka to start their trek. Nomme. I picked a spot somewhere’s between Topeka, and a point where you could read the fine print on the judge’s clipboard as she stood next to the landing pit.

A few run throughs, I delicately mark my ‘spot’ where I should start to perfectly have my right foot land on the jumping board. I was maybe 20th in line. “Cafeteria style”, no order, go when you want, but ya gotta line up.

Finally me.. “Which board sir?”.. The far one. K. You’re good to go. Went. I think I picked a spot too far back. I was outta gas within 25 yards. Footwork off, scratched.

Last year, only had 40 and over. Aha, this year, fitty and over. Ever look at a crowd and try to deem whointhehell is as old as you? Some are obvious. One old codger, no hair, hit the (far) board perfectly, well into the pit. Damnit. I for sure ain’t taking first.

The dude I was standing in line behind initially gave me some motivation as his T-Shirt said “You don’t quit playing because you become old, you become old because you quit playing.” I laughed... then cussed when I realized the bastard was 20 years younger than I.

2nd jump. “Ahm, the close board please.” Gimme a break, you had to get one bonified jump in to get points for your company. I timed it so my left foot hit the board (not the foot I jump off of.) Shit. But, I was now official, points for company.

Standing in line for 3rd jump. Envious as this little turd four infronta me got ready to jump, his body a perfect V. I kinda sorta remember a V, but they had dials on TV’s back then. He had a remarkably long jump, and then he lay in pain in the pit, grasping his knee.

Finally he made it just behind the pit, but paramedics were called, and jumping was stopped for some time. Ain’t like on the Interstate over there.. “Tow their cars to the side please, drag the folks to the shoulders, I MUST get home to my BIG HOUSE.”

Finally, he was standing up, being put in a cart to take him to his car. Jump #3 ahead. Finally my turn. “Close board please.” K. With the wind at my back I was OFF… full speed (for me).. I hit the board perfectly, I’ll never forget that millisecond in the air (it reminded me of when starting my lawnmower, and choking/gurgling sound) and I landed… a bit further this time, but not very far. I will neva’ disclose the distance. HA! I will just say it was roughly a foot shorter than last year when I carried fitteen less pounds! Done. Done I was.

Free at last, free at last. I jump in my car, onto the Kansas Interstates. Not one, but TWO tailgating wrecks in the first ten miles. Grrrrrrrrrr Kansas.

Some 25 minutes later, aha, halfway between Antioch Center and the Ford plant. Think "I’m home." But, then - there was some gal tailgating me within inches at 68 mph. She was wearing pink lipstick, that close. So.. I moved to the slow lane. Of course, her license plate had the “JO” and the wheat.

I dunno if I should continue doing this crap. Maybe I should just give in, join the old codgers at the retiree table at Mickey D’s every morning. Nah.. the brain thinks too young.. in spite of the body telling me otherwise. I am hardheaded. One day I'll learn. Pride is hard to swallow, but it eventually will go down.

Happy day, love, Victurd.

You keep saying you've got something for me.

Something you call love, but confess.
You've been messin' where you shouldn't have been a messin'
and now someone else is gettin' all your best.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

Ah yes, 1966, the one hit wonder. Smitten I was. Twelve years older, wunner what she looks like now?

But Nancy ain’t today’s topic. Today’s topic is ‘walkin’…

You keep lying, when you oughta be truthin'
and you keep losin' when you oughta not bet.
You keep samin' when you oughta be changin'.
Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

Taking the beautiful Ms. Aubrie Rose (my g-baby) and her perty momma to the Piggly Wiggly – afforded fitteen/twenty minutes in the car whilst they shopped – and I watched the different walkers. First vehicle that pulled in – out pops a dude roughly my age… looked like he coulda just jumped off the stage at a ZZ Top concert. Enter assumption/presumption here: MEAN lookin’ dude. Prolly varmits living in that beard. Wonder how his blood flowed ‘cause I wondered if he (“those types") even have a heart. Damnit, just shoot me.

To the other side of the car he goes.. Opens the door, and patiently awaits his 90-something year old mother to stand. Takes her arm in his – and they make that longest walk from the handicap spot, he, EXTREMELY patient, loving. ZZ I apologize, there’s a BIG heart in there – you rock.

You keep playin' where you shouldn't be playin
and you keep thinkin' that you´ll never get burnt.
Ha!

Big folks, little folks, young folks, older folks. Married folks, single dads, single moms, single men, single women. Happily, lazily, in a hurry, enjoying the day.. Lazy folks who pull up to the door and don’t park ‘tween the lines. One very gorgeous lady drew some rubberneckers as she made the stroll in – why - one old codger even almost scraped his head on the visor as strained his neck, but I managed to stop myself from that just in time.

I just found me a brand new box of matches yeah
and what he know you ain't HAD time to learn.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

Are you ready boots? Start walkin'!

Little blue truck, tinted windows, all kinds of VFW stickers, USA ribbons allover it. Frail gent, happened to be black, gets out.. Takes the longest time to gather his balance. With cane, slowly limps in – and very obviously a probable war wound to his right leg the cause for the limp. How would that be? Reminded every minute of every day of that. Proud. He has to be proud. His smile was infectious as he greeted two in passing – he’s painted the view wonderfully in spite of being cursed for life while protecting us all, his country.

Ms. Aubrie. She ain’t walking yet. Five months old. On her belly, the legs and the arms flail in attempt to – but the belly simply centers her – not allowing her to walk… Buddy’s 90+ mom lays in a hospital all day, mind 100% perfect, ability to walk vanished. Damn…. A lifelong friend, 60-something, never driven a car a day in his life. Walks EVERYWHERE. He’s got 20-something looking legs. Bless him.

Ascent, descent. Aubrie rising up to walk… in viewing the various ages coming in and outta the Piggly Wiggly – a very definite correlation to speed, age, agility, lack thereof. Do we take walking for granted? Me thinks we do.

That goofy internet dating site I peruse.. many suggest for a first meeting “simply taking a walk.” Yeah, notta bad idea. Life is a walk – at least for those of us fortunate enough to. Who’da thunk fitteen minutes at the Piggly Wiggly could be so, stimulating, even approaching wunnerful?

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

Are you ready boots? Start walkin'! Love, Victurd.

Sharing Google (about marriage/divorce):

Do not pass go, do not collect $200, do not call me a Simpleton.. I personally happen to believe EVERYTHING I learn from Google...

Average age to marry, 27 for men, 25 for women. Length of courtship, 2 years, 3 months. More than 8 out of 10 couples who cohabitate will break up either before the wedding, or afterwords in divorce. About 45% won’t marry.. Couples who do are 50% more likely to divorce than those that don’t.

I ain’t sure of my own personal stats, but I know #2 (for me) was a cohabitate kinda thing. I guess I should known eh?

Four rules to a successful marriage…

Uno) Care.. “you must learn to become an expert at meeting needs whether or not they seem important to you.”

Dos) Protection: “Avoid Being the Cause of Your Spouse's Unhappiness…. You and your spouse were born to be angry, disrespectful, demanding, annoying and dishonest. These are normal human traits that I call love busters because they destroy the feeling of love spouses have for each other But if you promise to avoid being the cause of your spouse's unhappiness, you will do whatever it takes to overcome these destructive tendencies for your spouse's protection.

Tres) Honesty. Honesty is the only way that you and your spouse will ever come to understand each other. Couples are not only ignorant of ways to improve their marriages; they are often ignorant of the problems themselves. To avoid conflict, they sometimes deliberately misinform each other as to their feelings, personal history, activities, and plans. This not only leads to a failure to meet an important emotional need, and a withdrawal of love units when the deception is discovered, it also makes marital conflicts impossible to resolve. After all, how can you and your spouse solve a problem if your cards are not on the table?

Quatro Time. Undivided attention… Schedule time alone together…

(I read an article today in KC Star… It told the story of a Minister who was being charged with the murder of a dude he’d counseled. Turns out, he was having an affair with the dude’s wife.. “got ridda him” [even performed ceremony at his funeral].. above written by some feller in clergy. Not suggesting correlation. Good luck to you.

Why couples divorce….

Unfaithfulness

Loss of intimacy and connection

Inability to communicate

Abuse and mental illness

Control

Differences in personality

Differences in goals and views

Percent of people that reach their:
5th anniversary = 82%.... 10th = 65%... 15th = 52%... 25th = 33%... 35th = 20%.. 50th = 5%

One stat I found interesting… First marriages that reached their 20th anniversary.. .Married between 1945 and 1948 = 82.5% still married… Married between 1970 and 1974 = 57.7% still married.

We take things lightly we do. "Eh, I’ll get it right next time." I vote = bullhockey, but I’m a 2-time loser so who am I to address! I think it's poopy that in today's society, it's so very easy (and socially/morally "Ok") to simply give up so easily.

I thought I compiled a lot more stats than that, sorry. It’s toward the end of this blog, and you are STILL here, and you STILL seek words of wisdom from feller who: 1st marriage 7 yr… 2nd marriage: 20-some years.. BOTH FAILED.

I ain’t got answers. Hardest life lesson to date (no pun intended) one only controls their own feelings. God Bless you (those) still going strong. I am so glad u ain’t gotta see the view from the other sidea the fence.

To those wondering, ogling, slobbering at the view of the other side of the fence: put it back in your pockets, and eye sockets. DON’T be envious of the person that goes/does what he/she pleases. That ‘tires’ after about 37 days.

One thing up above that really hit home for me: Inability to communicate. I ain’t no preacher (your wife is safe… and Dadgum I hope you know I jest in the preacher thingy.. I know the vast, vast, vast majority are wonderful)… but.. again.. the inability to communicate… As I reflect on ‘my own slides’, and as I hear friends going thru ‘yuck times’.. it comes to mind: Have you ever grabbed ‘em by the collar, FORCED ‘em to look you in the eye so they comprehend the IMPORTANCE of how you feel/what you think?

Wanna hear the funny part? I, the blog/FB/stupid idiot who posts and doesn’t think about repercussions/feelings/opines of loved ones, co-workers, fellow SigaMaNu brothers (yada yada yada). post each and every blog I do on a stupid dating site I’m on. See? I toldya I was a simpleton, I believe everything Google tells me.

Happy day, love Victurd