No party at the Club.......

Toppa the morning... I was on it.  Early to bed (10-ish), early to rise (4-ish)...

The World News. You'll never guess what it was about,

The local news.  I be smitten with a local anchor, and nope, not saying her name.

I have to work at 10:30am.  Quick jaunt to Mickey D's (6am or so) for the same ole same ole way too many calories breakfast and coffee.

To the Piggly Wiggly parking lot, where I, and abuncha other old people, awaited the 7am opening so we could race our tennis ball walkers back to the Toilet Paper aisle to ensure we each got our 'limit 1' thingy of TP.

Life is good.  A 12-pack.

To the checker.  "Oh, you lucked out since you're so early."  Yep.  Before this conversation, I handed her a whole slew of keys (car, trunk, front door at golf course, apartment, and Club keys),, Attached to this key chain is my Piggly Wiggly miniature scan thingy so I can be sure to get my discount should an item be on sale -- as well as building up points for discounted petrol at the QT.

We said a few more niceties from our 6 foot away distance, I poked a hole on toppa onea the rolls to make it easier to carry - and off for home I go.

My son, no car at present, has an 8am appointment, I  gotta grab him around 9, 9:30-ish, then be at the golf course at 10am to open for the day at 10:30.

Victor, this is all pretty boring.  Does it get better?  Mebbe.

I own two key chain/fob thingys to my car. One has alla the above items, the other simply has a key to the ignition, and a fob.

I pull inta home.  Aren't ya gonna ask about the Club key?  Victor, do you own a club?  Be for real.

Last week, someone broke into my car.  Somehow, it now will not lock.  Eh, that's alright, but I would prefer they not get in and hot wire my car next time...…..soooooooooooooooooooo.

I bought a Club.  A Club is a thing that attaches to your steering wheel.  It's got two bent forklike things, you place them inside the steering wheel, pull, and it locks in place when it's been extended as far as it can.  Oh, and it's got like a 3 foot arm attached which makes it a little difficult to turn the steering wheel in any direction. THERE AIN'T NO WAY TO MOVE THE CAR WITH THIS LOCKED ON THERE.

Sooooooooooooooo…   I pull into apartment, I proudly snap, lock my new toy onto the steering wheel, thinking to myself "aha, take that u little bastas!"... I stick my finger back in the toilet paper thingy to carry and I head toward the apartment.

• Except.  Except.  I find I only have one of my two key thingys.  Uh huh, the one with the fob and key to the ignition only. (The huge set with the Club key, apartment key,  work key...is with the friendly chatty cashier lady at The Piggly Wiggly.) Eh, it's ok, I'll just drive to Piggly Wiggly and get my other set of keys.

Uh oh.  The Club.. THERE AIN'T NO WAY TO MOVE THE CAR WITH THIS LOCKED ON THERE.  I ain't goin' no damnwhere.  I laugh (years and years of gaffaw practice doing stupid stuff like this)..  I think of who I can call.. There ain't no one that's gotta car where I can sit 6' away from them. I could walk to Piggly, but I'm old, it's two miles, and I don't wanna.

Call son. "Hey, you'll never guess what happened.   You may have to have your mom come get you."

It's 8:00AM.  I have no keys to the Club, I gotta be at work in two hours.  Do I call the gal who works tonight to see if she can come in early to take my hours?

I panic.  This is where I literally move in three different directions at one time.  My old boss usedta term it "hey, you gotta nail in that one shoe?" as I rotated this way, that way, no certainty on where I'm going.

It's situations like this where I HATE to 'phone a friend'. It likens "HEY!  CAN YOU COME HELP ME MOVE THIS SATURDAY?"  Patooey,.

After 12 minutes of panic, I get my phone, happen to look down and see the Uber app. I look at the clock.  Calculate time.  To the outhouse by Willie Makeit.  I look at how much Uber would be as if I had any other choice.  I set up a ride with them. "Driver 15 minutes away, Michael with a GMC something or other." Crap, 15 minutes and I ain't gotta minute to spare.

Before I jump outta my car to get in his, I place my precious 12 pack of TP on the floor, hopefully hidden from anyone walking by my CAR THAT NO LONGER LOCKS.

I made it there and back.  Got keys.  Got Club off.  TP was still in my unlocked car. Picked up son, and I'm gonna make it to work on time.

The only real reason I'm sharing this is that I recently did something similarly stupid (oh yeah, I dropped my dental partial on a snow packed parking lot, couldn't find it, went back to look the next day, snow plow had obliterated it.  What usedta be about two inches long that firmly locked into my gum - was now, three damn small teeth, less than a halfa inch.)  Where was I?

Oh yeah, the only reason I share.  A friend named CJ had writing on the dental partial blog "Only you!  Only you." So, why not share this?

From my Club to yours,

Love,
Victurd