Relax. Just kidding, kinda.
THIS IS NOT POLITICAL said 12,483,001 Republicans and 12,483,000 Democrats (See, toldya it was their fault.)
Fauci News.
Should I stay or should I go? Well, depends on your Governor, County, Mayor, Wife, Job
You can't touch this. Or this, or that, or this or that over there. Spray, wipe, glove on, glove off, hands washed. Repeat cycle. You no touchy me, not even an elbow bump? ALRIGHT? ZALRIGHT! Wow, people are getting touchy, so to speak.
Crazy, I agree Patsy. Time on one's hands. Grumpiness happens. Sure, so does more family good stuff. I'm talking visiting loved ones thru a window. Walking in the Piggly Wiggly, looking at the lady in the bread aisle coming your way, you smile, which really means "stay the hell away from me lady." You go for a McDouble and you wonder what the lady in the mask handing you your change really looks like.
Poor side of town. You sing it Johnny. Laid off. Stimulus helps, but will they send more after this runs out in two weeks? Can't pay the mortgage. Can't pay the rent. Insurance cancelled. Crapola. BRB, gonna go look behind, under sofa. "Honey? I found the remote."
Isn't she lovely? Yes Stevie, said you, and a kajillion others nine months from now. The heck else is there to do?
He did the Mash, it was the Monster Mash. What are you gonna be this Halloween we asked the Crypt Kickers. Oh, I dunno. I've got 67 masks in the dresser, lemme pick one out. Ouch, my ears hurt. I'm getting an itchy itchy rash. Sing it Claire.
They're gonna put me in the movies.. They're gonna make a big star out of me. They'll make a film about a man that's sad and lonely, and all I gotta do is act naturally. Very true Ringo. Netflix. Discovery Channel. History Channel. Local news, national news, Fauci news (CNN/FOX). Presidential addresses (Honey, can you hand me that remote?) I'm Ozarked, Lioned, Hanitty'd, Cooper'd out. I understand now why it's called a boob tube. I'm A boob.
Centerfield. Put me in coach, I'm ready to play today, put me in coach I'm ready to play today, look at me, I can be, Centerfield. Not in the damn living room you're not. Take your little booties out to the backyard to play, and NO, the Andersons can't come over and play with you.
Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk to you again. Lights are out in the seating areas of restaurants. Rush hour is now dawdle hour. There ain't no other cars. The sounds of silence. Hell, tain't no cups at the fountain drink area of QT. Drove my Chevy to the levee (and Macys, Penneys, Kohls, Best Buy, Mens Warehouse) but the levee was dry, them good ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye..... at home.
We don't need no education. We don't need no thought control. No dark sarcasm in the classroom. Teacher, leave them kids alone. Hey, teacher, leave them kids alone....If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
'Teachers', moms and dads everywhere: Bottle of wine, fruit of the vine, when you gonna let me get sober. Nevermind, this works.
No more pencils no more books, no more teacher dirty looks. Out for the summer. Out till fall. We might not come back at all. School's out, forever. Schools out for the summer. Which, brings us back to Bottle of wine, fruit of the vine.
When I'm stuck with a day that's gray, and lonely - I just stick out my chin, and grin, and say ohhhhhh, The Sun'll come out, TOMORROW, So ya gotta hang on till tomorrow. Come what may, tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow, you're always a day away! Optimism schnotptimism, cool it ya little ginger.
Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb? Mother do you think they'll like this song? Mother do you think they'll try to break my balls (HEY, I didn't write it, Roger Waters did!).. Ooh, ah, Mother should I build a wall? Mother should I run for President? Mother should I trust the Government? ..................... Hush now baby, baby, don't you cry. Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing. She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing. Mama's gonna keep baby cozy and warm. Ooh baby, ooh baby, ooh baby - of course mama's gonna help you build the wall.
Not much beats music in a pandemic. Or wine. Or the fridge. Or Netflix. Or mask knitting. Or sleeping. Or Facebook.
You thought it was a joke. And so you laughed. You laughed when I had said that losing you (NORMALCY) would make me flip my lid, right?..... You know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed and laughed and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad.. --------
They're coming to take me away ha ha, they're coming to take me away, they're coming to take me away ha ha.. to the happy home, they sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes, to the looney bin with all you need, prescription drugs like thorazine and lithium - electric shock.
Crazy. We already did that Patsy.
Objects in the rear view mirror may seemingly go on forever, and ever.
Where's Tracy Chapman and Fast Car when you need her.
Gimme one reason to stay here...........
(This has been pretty stupid, sorry.. it's my first go at a pandemic)
Love, Victurd
Sunday, April 26, 2020
Tuesday, April 14, 2020
No party at the Club.......
Toppa the morning... I was on it. Early to bed (10-ish), early to rise (4-ish)...
The World News. You'll never guess what it was about,
The local news. I be smitten with a local anchor, and nope, not saying her name.
I have to work at 10:30am. Quick jaunt to Mickey D's (6am or so) for the same ole same ole way too many calories breakfast and coffee.
To the Piggly Wiggly parking lot, where I, and abuncha other old people, awaited the 7am opening so we could race our tennis ball walkers back to the Toilet Paper aisle to ensure we each got our 'limit 1' thingy of TP.
Life is good. A 12-pack.
To the checker. "Oh, you lucked out since you're so early." Yep. Before this conversation, I handed her a whole slew of keys (car, trunk, front door at golf course, apartment, and Club keys),, Attached to this key chain is my Piggly Wiggly miniature scan thingy so I can be sure to get my discount should an item be on sale -- as well as building up points for discounted petrol at the QT.
We said a few more niceties from our 6 foot away distance, I poked a hole on toppa onea the rolls to make it easier to carry - and off for home I go.
My son, no car at present, has an 8am appointment, I gotta grab him around 9, 9:30-ish, then be at the golf course at 10am to open for the day at 10:30.
Victor, this is all pretty boring. Does it get better? Mebbe.
I own two key chain/fob thingys to my car. One has alla the above items, the other simply has a key to the ignition, and a fob.
I pull inta home. Aren't ya gonna ask about the Club key? Victor, do you own a club? Be for real.
Last week, someone broke into my car. Somehow, it now will not lock. Eh, that's alright, but I would prefer they not get in and hot wire my car next time...…..soooooooooooooooooooo.
I bought a Club. A Club is a thing that attaches to your steering wheel. It's got two bent forklike things, you place them inside the steering wheel, pull, and it locks in place when it's been extended as far as it can. Oh, and it's got like a 3 foot arm attached which makes it a little difficult to turn the steering wheel in any direction. THERE AIN'T NO WAY TO MOVE THE CAR WITH THIS LOCKED ON THERE.
Sooooooooooooooo… I pull into apartment, I proudly snap, lock my new toy onto the steering wheel, thinking to myself "aha, take that u little bastas!"... I stick my finger back in the toilet paper thingy to carry and I head toward the apartment.
Uh oh. The Club.. THERE AIN'T NO WAY TO MOVE THE CAR WITH THIS LOCKED ON THERE. I ain't goin' no damnwhere. I laugh (years and years of gaffaw practice doing stupid stuff like this).. I think of who I can call.. There ain't no one that's gotta car where I can sit 6' away from them. I could walk to Piggly, but I'm old, it's two miles, and I don't wanna.
Call son. "Hey, you'll never guess what happened. You may have to have your mom come get you."
It's 8:00AM. I have no keys to the Club, I gotta be at work in two hours. Do I call the gal who works tonight to see if she can come in early to take my hours?
I panic. This is where I literally move in three different directions at one time. My old boss usedta term it "hey, you gotta nail in that one shoe?" as I rotated this way, that way, no certainty on where I'm going.
It's situations like this where I HATE to 'phone a friend'. It likens "HEY! CAN YOU COME HELP ME MOVE THIS SATURDAY?" Patooey,.
After 12 minutes of panic, I get my phone, happen to look down and see the Uber app. I look at the clock. Calculate time. To the outhouse by Willie Makeit. I look at how much Uber would be as if I had any other choice. I set up a ride with them. "Driver 15 minutes away, Michael with a GMC something or other." Crap, 15 minutes and I ain't gotta minute to spare.
Before I jump outta my car to get in his, I place my precious 12 pack of TP on the floor, hopefully hidden from anyone walking by my CAR THAT NO LONGER LOCKS.
I made it there and back. Got keys. Got Club off. TP was still in my unlocked car. Picked up son, and I'm gonna make it to work on time.
The only real reason I'm sharing this is that I recently did something similarly stupid (oh yeah, I dropped my dental partial on a snow packed parking lot, couldn't find it, went back to look the next day, snow plow had obliterated it. What usedta be about two inches long that firmly locked into my gum - was now, three damn small teeth, less than a halfa inch.) Where was I?
Oh yeah, the only reason I share. A friend named CJ had writing on the dental partial blog "Only you! Only you." So, why not share this?
From my Club to yours,
Love,
Victurd
The World News. You'll never guess what it was about,
The local news. I be smitten with a local anchor, and nope, not saying her name.
I have to work at 10:30am. Quick jaunt to Mickey D's (6am or so) for the same ole same ole way too many calories breakfast and coffee.
To the Piggly Wiggly parking lot, where I, and abuncha other old people, awaited the 7am opening so we could race our tennis ball walkers back to the Toilet Paper aisle to ensure we each got our 'limit 1' thingy of TP.
Life is good. A 12-pack.
To the checker. "Oh, you lucked out since you're so early." Yep. Before this conversation, I handed her a whole slew of keys (car, trunk, front door at golf course, apartment, and Club keys),, Attached to this key chain is my Piggly Wiggly miniature scan thingy so I can be sure to get my discount should an item be on sale -- as well as building up points for discounted petrol at the QT.
We said a few more niceties from our 6 foot away distance, I poked a hole on toppa onea the rolls to make it easier to carry - and off for home I go.
My son, no car at present, has an 8am appointment, I gotta grab him around 9, 9:30-ish, then be at the golf course at 10am to open for the day at 10:30.
Victor, this is all pretty boring. Does it get better? Mebbe.
I own two key chain/fob thingys to my car. One has alla the above items, the other simply has a key to the ignition, and a fob.
I pull inta home. Aren't ya gonna ask about the Club key? Victor, do you own a club? Be for real.
Last week, someone broke into my car. Somehow, it now will not lock. Eh, that's alright, but I would prefer they not get in and hot wire my car next time...…..soooooooooooooooooooo.
I bought a Club. A Club is a thing that attaches to your steering wheel. It's got two bent forklike things, you place them inside the steering wheel, pull, and it locks in place when it's been extended as far as it can. Oh, and it's got like a 3 foot arm attached which makes it a little difficult to turn the steering wheel in any direction. THERE AIN'T NO WAY TO MOVE THE CAR WITH THIS LOCKED ON THERE.
Sooooooooooooooo… I pull into apartment, I proudly snap, lock my new toy onto the steering wheel, thinking to myself "aha, take that u little bastas!"... I stick my finger back in the toilet paper thingy to carry and I head toward the apartment.
- Except. Except. I find I only have one of my two key thingys. Uh huh, the one with the fob and key to the ignition only. (The huge set with the Club key, apartment key, work key...is with the friendly chatty cashier lady at The Piggly Wiggly.) Eh, it's ok, I'll just drive to Piggly Wiggly and get my other set of keys.
Uh oh. The Club.. THERE AIN'T NO WAY TO MOVE THE CAR WITH THIS LOCKED ON THERE. I ain't goin' no damnwhere. I laugh (years and years of gaffaw practice doing stupid stuff like this).. I think of who I can call.. There ain't no one that's gotta car where I can sit 6' away from them. I could walk to Piggly, but I'm old, it's two miles, and I don't wanna.
Call son. "Hey, you'll never guess what happened. You may have to have your mom come get you."
It's 8:00AM. I have no keys to the Club, I gotta be at work in two hours. Do I call the gal who works tonight to see if she can come in early to take my hours?
I panic. This is where I literally move in three different directions at one time. My old boss usedta term it "hey, you gotta nail in that one shoe?" as I rotated this way, that way, no certainty on where I'm going.
It's situations like this where I HATE to 'phone a friend'. It likens "HEY! CAN YOU COME HELP ME MOVE THIS SATURDAY?" Patooey,.
After 12 minutes of panic, I get my phone, happen to look down and see the Uber app. I look at the clock. Calculate time. To the outhouse by Willie Makeit. I look at how much Uber would be as if I had any other choice. I set up a ride with them. "Driver 15 minutes away, Michael with a GMC something or other." Crap, 15 minutes and I ain't gotta minute to spare.
Before I jump outta my car to get in his, I place my precious 12 pack of TP on the floor, hopefully hidden from anyone walking by my CAR THAT NO LONGER LOCKS.
I made it there and back. Got keys. Got Club off. TP was still in my unlocked car. Picked up son, and I'm gonna make it to work on time.
The only real reason I'm sharing this is that I recently did something similarly stupid (oh yeah, I dropped my dental partial on a snow packed parking lot, couldn't find it, went back to look the next day, snow plow had obliterated it. What usedta be about two inches long that firmly locked into my gum - was now, three damn small teeth, less than a halfa inch.) Where was I?
Oh yeah, the only reason I share. A friend named CJ had writing on the dental partial blog "Only you! Only you." So, why not share this?
From my Club to yours,
Love,
Victurd
Monday, April 13, 2020
I've been in the write place....
My ex, I'm biased, but she's a very pretty one.. anyways, she usedta get mad when there was a catcall, or an uncomfortable stare her way... I remember telling her "The time to worry is when you no longer hear or see them."
No one has really said "why don't you write any more?"... Well, one did I guess.. point is, it doesn't matter - I enjoy writing and I probably won't stop. $50 laptop on Craigslist, yippee, you're stuck again!
What a weird time of life eh? I remember all the fun of my/our Senior year in High School... running track.. prom.. the graduation ceremony - truly memories to last a lifetime. For sure, worse things have happened - but I really feel for the kids that were denied that this year.
We are a nation of someone needing to grab the big damn zipper to adjoin the left and the right side. It seems though, it won't go into the slot...or, even if it does, it's fer sure some material is gonna make it stick halfway up, or, if it's zipped to the top it's guaranteed it will 'unravel' somewhere between the top and the bottom.
The Dems did it, in the Library, with a lead pipe, and the use of a media virus frenzy, diverting virus protection attention with impeachment and the idea of communism, in forcing quarantine for all.
The Donald did it, in the Kitchen, with the candlestick, when he did away with the pandemic department, naysayer on the magnitude of the virus.
Seems our eyes are focused on the wrong things. I win, you lose... you lose, I win.. I know I've allowed myself to get swept up in it.. for shame Victor.
Prayer instead. Follow guidelines, let's get back to some semblance of where we were.
Bizarre though. The happy: we see more folks out walking. Dogs are loving it. What usedta be one guy or gal walking the hound is now mom, dad, big brother, little sister, and sometimes a stroller thrown in. Families out playing in the yard. Happy. Forced mebbe, but at least recognized.
Not seeing extended family. Young worrying about old, not wanting to expose them. Old worrying about young, forwarding over dollar bills insteada hiding Easter eggs.
Zoom amongst family, co-workers, teams, etc. I keep looking in those squares for George Gobel, Charlie Weaver, Rose Marie or Paul Lynde.
No church. No sports. Those are kinda sorta wants, sure, needed, but really a want. Funerals. Damn. A need. How horrible.
A previous life where I was pretty easily bored, finds me 'to tears' bored. Jokes, memes about assured weight gain during all this stay at home time - I really have to admit, "it's time to eat (again)" is onea my favorite parts of the day now.
Empty shelves with missing TP, wipes, sanitizer, Lysol, thermometers, yada. And, drum roll, now missing, hair dye. When this is all over, the guys are gonna look like John, Paul, George and Ringo, and the gals are gonna have Big Hair (with grey lines)
The newspaper. Filled to the gills about coronavirus. I used to quickly turn the page when I saw a murder, car accident or similar.. now it's so rare to find, it's more like "Really? Where?"
Where do you fall in the Goofus and Gallant of "I've been sequestered, I even get my groceries delivered" and "I've really not changed my ways too much.".???
I'm Goofus. Go to Piggly Wiggly. Work at a golf course. I know, essential right? Article in paper today giving pro's (good exercise, no touch, carts sanitized after each use) and cons "what about the workers sanitizing the carts?".. Gulp.. Donald, Joe and I aren't wearing masks
I've got the runs...er, I mean I've got to run.
Play it safe. Do as I say not as I do.
Sorry this wasn't fun or clever. Victor, when were you ever funny or clever? Eh, right you are, right you are.
Take me out to the ballgame.....please?
By Henry Covid Gibson,
Love, Victurd
No one has really said "why don't you write any more?"... Well, one did I guess.. point is, it doesn't matter - I enjoy writing and I probably won't stop. $50 laptop on Craigslist, yippee, you're stuck again!
What a weird time of life eh? I remember all the fun of my/our Senior year in High School... running track.. prom.. the graduation ceremony - truly memories to last a lifetime. For sure, worse things have happened - but I really feel for the kids that were denied that this year.
We are a nation of someone needing to grab the big damn zipper to adjoin the left and the right side. It seems though, it won't go into the slot...or, even if it does, it's fer sure some material is gonna make it stick halfway up, or, if it's zipped to the top it's guaranteed it will 'unravel' somewhere between the top and the bottom.
The Dems did it, in the Library, with a lead pipe, and the use of a media virus frenzy, diverting virus protection attention with impeachment and the idea of communism, in forcing quarantine for all.
The Donald did it, in the Kitchen, with the candlestick, when he did away with the pandemic department, naysayer on the magnitude of the virus.
Zippety doo dah, zippety day, we need uniting but it'll get stuck halfway.
Seems our eyes are focused on the wrong things. I win, you lose... you lose, I win.. I know I've allowed myself to get swept up in it.. for shame Victor.
Prayer instead. Follow guidelines, let's get back to some semblance of where we were.
Bizarre though. The happy: we see more folks out walking. Dogs are loving it. What usedta be one guy or gal walking the hound is now mom, dad, big brother, little sister, and sometimes a stroller thrown in. Families out playing in the yard. Happy. Forced mebbe, but at least recognized.
Not seeing extended family. Young worrying about old, not wanting to expose them. Old worrying about young, forwarding over dollar bills insteada hiding Easter eggs.
Zoom amongst family, co-workers, teams, etc. I keep looking in those squares for George Gobel, Charlie Weaver, Rose Marie or Paul Lynde.
No church. No sports. Those are kinda sorta wants, sure, needed, but really a want. Funerals. Damn. A need. How horrible.
A previous life where I was pretty easily bored, finds me 'to tears' bored. Jokes, memes about assured weight gain during all this stay at home time - I really have to admit, "it's time to eat (again)" is onea my favorite parts of the day now.
Empty shelves with missing TP, wipes, sanitizer, Lysol, thermometers, yada. And, drum roll, now missing, hair dye. When this is all over, the guys are gonna look like John, Paul, George and Ringo, and the gals are gonna have Big Hair (with grey lines)
The newspaper. Filled to the gills about coronavirus. I used to quickly turn the page when I saw a murder, car accident or similar.. now it's so rare to find, it's more like "Really? Where?"
Where do you fall in the Goofus and Gallant of "I've been sequestered, I even get my groceries delivered" and "I've really not changed my ways too much.".???
I'm Goofus. Go to Piggly Wiggly. Work at a golf course. I know, essential right? Article in paper today giving pro's (good exercise, no touch, carts sanitized after each use) and cons "what about the workers sanitizing the carts?".. Gulp.. Donald, Joe and I aren't wearing masks
I've got the runs...er, I mean I've got to run.
Play it safe. Do as I say not as I do.
Sorry this wasn't fun or clever. Victor, when were you ever funny or clever? Eh, right you are, right you are.
Take me out to the ballgame.....please?
By Henry Covid Gibson,
Love, Victurd
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)