Tuesday, July 09, 2019

Paper or plastic?..... or.. Papas got a brand new bag...

Bag:

A container made of flexible material with an opening at the top for carrying things.

One's particular interest or taste.

Put something in a bag.

(Of a hunter) succeed in killing or catching an animal.

Bag, to me, is a fun word.  Mom's bag, as a kid, meant nearby Mercurochrome, Kleenex, quarters for ice cream, band aids, comb, yada.

"Lettin' the cat ourra the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back in."  Will Rogers

I never under$tood "Coach" bags.  I've always felt "rich in life" but, not so much in bank balance.  Beyond me why anyone would spend $300 for a handbag, but then again, I ain't everyone.  I always associate "Coach" with Po', cause I was a coach, and I was Po' (My first teaching coaching contract was for $9800 a year...ie, coach = Po'.)

"Just get a bag and drop a dream in it, and you'll be surprised what happens."  Charles Nelson Reilly

The Piggly Wiggly.  Some lanes gots baggers.  Some ain't.  The express lane (10 items max where folks bring 23 items and you glare at them) ain't got no baggers, so the clerk does it too.  Speakinowhich, howintheheck do they stay on their feet so long with no breaks?   I'm old.  I pee.  I pee a lot.  I pee oftern.  No way could I do that.  Well, I guess if I had Depends on, but that congers up bad bag thoughts, 'feelings', so let's not go there.

Ya go to Aldi's, you gotta bring your own bags, and bag your own groceries.  I always forget a quarter, so I never go there.

I probably will never be friends with Elvis, cause I ain't never caught a rabbit, nor have I ever gone hunting.  BUT, I have 'bagged' three deer (One, with a Pinto Station Wagon, Two, with a Dodge Dart, Three with a Pontiac Grand Prix).  Bambi/bumpers don't mix.

In college, where it took a bag of money to be there, strangely, we'd bag class.  That's like paying for a smorgasbord and saying "no thanks, I ain't hungry" but we did it, we bagged classes.

"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel."  Leonardo di Vinci  (Hey, watch it Vinny, MANY a happy ever-after couple out there!)  "Oh yeah?  Then why are them Cordell and Cordell brothers so damn rich?"  Vinny

Some, no know when to shutup (windbags).  As we age, we get saddlebags.  The hell they come from?  Teabag, beanbag, toolbag, fleabag, mailbag, scumbag, dirtbag, sleazebag, and, the guy with 23 items in the Express lane, douchebag.

Years ago it was "Are you ready for the (man) bag?"  Oh the times they are a changin',..  The original "Are you ready for the bag", to many, carried bad connotations.  Nomme.  I had a long list of hero Doctors that long before carried a bag:  Marcus Welby, Doc on Gunsmoke, Hawkeye, Trapper John, Ben Casey, Dr. Kildare, yada.  A local hero was Doc Bowles, he always carried a bag.

No Doctor around, and getting hit in the bag... Nope, we men could never resemble anything close to the pain involved in childbirth, but getting hit in the bag'll bring you down to your knees faster'n a Catholic Mass.  Redface, veins exposed, lowpitch turned to highpitched, suffice to say "Ouch."  Profanity is permitted and encouraged in these instances.

"What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up.  Last week he grabbed my knee and told me to cough.  Then, he hit me in the balls with a hammer."  Rodney Dangerfield

Terrorism has changed the view of the bag.  Awhile back, "45" came to Kansas City.. .Went with a friend.. took some water in a bag cooler, set it on the ground.  Cops, here, there, everywhere.  One came up to me.. "Is that your bag?"  Yessir.  "You need to pick it up because Captain said we need to confiscate every unattended bag."  A truly sad statement about us, today.

The golf bag.  14 clubs max is the legal limit, but oh so many other things are/can be stored in there.  The mundane:  golf balls, tees, rain gear, pencils, water bottle, USGA Rule book (Ha!), sunscreen, bugspray, yada..   The more, mebbe amusing golf bag items, 2 year old full cans of PBR, year old half-eaten cookies, one guy pulled out a new ball and a condom fell out.. nudie tees, banana peel...

MY golf bag.  Scroll to Po'.  I've never gone to Nebraska Furniture Mart and bought an entire room of matching furniture (sofa, loveseat, chairs, coffee table, end tables, matching pictures, yada.)  My golf bag has 14 clubs, maybe 2 of which are from the same set.  I suffer from "Well, if I buy that new (chipper, driver, 3-wood, hybrid, putter, yada) I will become better."  So, a mixed bag.  Mebbe there is correlation to different lengths, styles, age, flex/non-flex and my really crappy ability. Oh well, I still enjoy the game.

Mixed bag = story of my life.  Come to think of it, maybe story of everyone's life.

BRB, going to check and see if I've got cucumbers, or tea bags, or parsley, or oats, or an avacado, or almonds (mixed with milk).. all things helpful for baggy eyes.

There's even a website where you can order bags that have positive quotes written on them.  Among them "Wake up, be awesome, Repeat."...  "Create happiness."....  "Broken crayons still color."... "Never a failure, always a lesson."

He ain't no drag.  Papa's got a brand new bag.

Love, Victurd

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