Styrofoam and a nicely sealed hull...

Whatever floats one's boat.

I was gonna "save the world" and try doing a blog on "what makes one happy".. I Googled, I wrote. I backspaced over a full page of gobbledy gook that bored the hell outta me.

Then, I thought maybe I'd take a peek thru children's eyes, you know, "what makes kids happy?" and there wasn't much on it. It was all pointed more at how to parent. Whyintheheck do we mandate to parents "how to make your kid happy" when we should be going to the source and finding out from kids, just what makes them happy. So, I backspaced s'more.

I had the idea, "hey, maybe I'll do a 'Recipe to Happiness' and list cooking measures, using the standards teaspoon, tablespoon, cup, quart, yada - and throw in some fun ones like pinch, dash, smidgen... that too bored me and besides, I can't cook..howinthehell am I gonna do/make a recipe for happiness?

So, after 1, 2 & 3 above failed, I'd struck out. I once professed "if I ever strike out in slowpitch, I'm quitting the damn game." Well, I struck out. Uh oh, what now? I kept playing. I guess it's like the old man that says "I don't wanna live to be 90," so, when he's 89 years and 364 days old, ya might ask him again about that. Thus, I write on.

I know, I'll do song titles to relate what makes us happy. Victor, that's your dumbest idea yet. Cool, here goes:

"Why can't we be friends?" This'n plays large.. could be a relationship broken.. kids of different colors, backgrounds, socio-economic means.. Libs, conservatives, introverts, extroverts, young, old.. whythehell can't we be friends? WE CAN.

"What a wonderful world." There ain't no leaving this one out. There ain't no one on earth (is that a double negative?).. there ain't no one on earth that can envision Louie Armstrong's smile and NOT be happy. The lyrics, the beat, the him - the relating "trees of green, skies of blue" - yeah baby, that's what I'm talking about. What Louie said. THAT is happy.

"Don't worry, be happy." This one is damned hard. We all worry. Some of us more than others. We have different worries. To the outhouse by Willie Makeit.. you'll shoot your eye out... more bills than bucks.. one's health.. the hole in my jeans.. my car's so old I won't even qualify to drive for Uber.. you know, different worries..

"Just put on a happy face." Gray skies ARE gonna clear up. Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy, it's not your style, you'll look so good that you'll be glad you decided to smile.... ya know, mebbe it is half the battle here.

"You've made me so very happy." I reckon that works. You know what Mark Twain said about a compliment. You don't? He said "I can live for two months on a good compliment." It's true, it's reawwy twue. Even us old fart males, engrained forever with 'don't show emotion', can have emotion, say something nice (and sincere) about someone. Been there, heard it, and it DOES feel good. Mebbe even said it, a time or two, and THAT really feels good too.

"Oh happy day (oh happy day.)".. I'm an old dog, relatively new to religion. I'm, quite frankly, loving it. Not attempting conversion, just speakin' my mind. Not for all, I realize. All for some.

"Why don't we do it in the road." Victor, really? And did you have to put it right after that one? Eh, a little perversion never hurt anyone, did it? My take anyways. If one can't have fun about, with, within intimacy.. oh, nevermind. I would say to naysayers, lighten up a tad.

"I feel good".. you tell 'em James. We, way too much bitch/moan about this, that, why not state it whenya feel good? I feel good, nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-na... like I knew that I would.. nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-na... so good, so good..

"Tubthumping".. this one's gotta be on the list. Yep, ya get knocked down, ya get up again. Go ahead life, make my day - I can handle it.

"You're my best friend." I don't think this one needs much explanation. BFF's make life LOL and AOK. BFF's pick you up when you're ROFLMAO.

"All star." Hey now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play. Hey now, you're a rock star, get the shoe on, get paid.

"Feeling groovy."... "Happy days are here again"... "If you're happy and you know it."... "Ain't no mountain high enough." "Here comes the sun.".. "Start me up.".. "Your love keeps liftin' me higher."

Ok, I'm outta here. Maybe I just needed a pick me up. Sorry, kinda. Someone once told me "Life is REALLY GOOD, if you let it be."

"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be."

Sorry (again).. kinda. Music does make me happy. I hope it does for you as well.

Don't worry, be horny, damned autocorrect, I meant happy,

Love, Victurd

Take me away Calgon....

As stresses built up, the schemers, writers, funny guys that did the ad bit for Calgon in 1988, created commercials showing folks in mid distress - pleading "Take me away Calgon" and in a flash, all was AOK and a lady was shown on her back in the tub, bubbles up to the edge'a the tub, woes satiated.

I miss a bath. I know dudes are supposed to be shower folks, but I ain't. I agree, sans the bubbles, it's one of the most "life, get the hell outta here" things a person can do. I think if I were to once again get on a dating site, I'd list "Must have bathtub" as one'a the haveta's.. ha... as I now have apartment, no bathtub.

But hark, what could have been so bad in 1988 to raise those stress levels to the point of breaking, desperately in need of that sudsy bath? So I gandered...

Hmmmm... The world's first internet virus. Hit the road hack, and don't ya come back no mo' no mo' no mo' no mo', hit the road hack, and don'tya come back no mo.' What'd you say?

The bomb on Pan Am flight 103.. Damn, a familiar ring to it.

Prozac sold for the first time.. HA, I KNEW IT! No wonder!

IBM PC w/30MB Hard Disk, Mono Monitor and 512K Memory = $1249.00... Dot Matrix Printer = $299.00... Logitech Mouse $89.99.. CRIMINY! Gimme that tub!

Crack appears for first time. Geez. Over 1/3 of Yellowstone National Park destroyed by a series of 250 small fires..

Russia was beginning the transformation from a communist dictatorship into a multiparty democracy with regular elections. Did he just say Russia?

So, with the exception of maybe today buying a laptop, complete with mouse, printer for $399, the more things change, the more they stay the same..... ie, Stress.

What do you do when stress happens?

When I think of women, I think of wine. It seems to be the elixir of this millennium, a Calgon so to speak. In fact, a friend has a Bunco group - ceptin' they never played Bunco, so, one day it was decided, "let's call it what it is" = LDC (Ladies Drinking Club).. so, they get away from stress, work, kids, and most importantly, men.

Those of us Facebookers, we whine. So, stress heightens.. "the hell do we do now?"...

We turn off the laptop, the power to the phone.. we dim the lights.. we play a little Ray Charles (or, you, pick your fancy).. we sit, and we blob in the easy chair. I ain't never really had a bon bon, gimme a Frito Scoop and melted cheese any ole day.

Or, we 'pet'. With the hound, or the cat. They have no idea to the outside world, well, other that it's where you get to smell stuff and pee and poop.. you know, they ain't got the same everyday stresses we humans have to deal with.

Some of us even have weekends. Newly retired, I have yet to forget the feeling of driving home on a Friday afternoon, seeing that building disappear in the rear view mirror.. AH, Calgon, 1999 Mercury, take me away.

We eat food, we garden, we mow, we paint, we shop, we stare at our phones, we write, we build, we stare at our phones (NO DAMNIT!) we sometimes even do nuttin', we have sex, take me away Calgon, take me away from this dadgum thing called life!

Oh happy day (oh happy day)... Oh happy day (oh happy day).. When Jesus washed (when Jesus washed), When Jesus washed (when Jesus washed), When Jesus washed (when Jesus washed), He washed my sins away (oh happy day).. Oh happy day (Oh happy day).. and yes, we pray..

We rested.

Not much has changed in 30 years... Well, other than I threw my scale away, took down the full sized door mirror and replaced it with one 6" wide, hehe. Oh, and I've now got a 3" circle on toppa my head that's getting pretty sparse on hair.. Ain't from age though, it's from me scratching my head asking "the hell did he just say?" Happens, in those stress moments.

Take me away Calgon.

I wonder if they've got any products that combat facial wrinkles?

Love, Victurd

Dogleg left....

Just what I wanted to read, a damned ole' blog about golf....

Bear with me her Parnevik-breath... mebbe, just mebbe that ain't what this is about?

I'm talking scratch reflex.

Damnit Victor, it's fitting that one of your fraternity brothers - Pup I think you called him, noted "that's just like deciphering one of Vic's blogs."

Exactly. Scratch reflex is when you scratch a dog on his/her back and in a completely involuntary reaction, they'll shake or kick their legs, spasmodically. As in yum. Stop it, s'more. Don't, stop.

Life is about those spasmodic moments, to me anyways.

One of my alltime favorite 'postings', short video's I've seen - was one of humans, portraying dogs. There was a dog (a man) jumping up and down up and down peeking over the back fence to get a gander of what was going on beyond the fence, just like dogs do.

There was one where the gate was left open, the dog (man) escaped, ran like the wind, 'smelled' other dogs (people), peed on the fence, wagged, and ran ran ran in ever converging concentric circles. Yum. Stop it, s'more. Don't, stop. Scratch my back again. The video ended where the dog (man) ran to the middle of the street and pooped. Coulda done without that one, but oh well.

Scratch reflex moments. Of course when you're attracted to another. Frenetic leg twitches, there ain't no hidin' em - and besides, what better, who would want to hide 'em?

What makes you twitch?

I love a parade, no, not that kind DT, the down home, city-fied kinda parade. You know, the one where you wave at about every 35th person 'cause they're a townie you know? Hey, there's the mayor.. and Fred, my barber.. Susie, the daycare provider. Yum, I know these folks. Ain't it cool we're all lined up on the street to watch?

Smiles. Smiles make my leg shake uncontrollably.

A debate, where one's reply "Put's 'em in their place" whoop der it is, I'm shaking my leg. Yum. Stop it, s'more. Don't, stop.

A relative, loved one, friend, coworker, doorholder, friendly cashier, visitor, guest, people - in general, scratch reflex.

KIDS. OMG, kids. Ever seen that video long ago where the bird doesn't know how to land? Ha. Little ones in the beginning stages of walk. Yum. Stop it, s'more. Don't, stop. Scratch reflex. I LOVE seeing kids learning this world, falling, in effect saying "to heck with those falls life, I'm gettin' back up, learning, exploring more." Twitch, twitch, twitch, twitch - kids, they make me.

Seeing praise placed upon a person you admire.. deserved.. earned after such long, arduous work. Twitch twitch twitch.

Videos that bring me (and I assume others) to tears (twitches).. Flashmob. A kid in a classroom and their mom or dad, in uniform, been gone 'forever', sneaks up behind 'em. Yum. Twitch. Stop it, s'more. The one of the child that actually had an eye transplant. Oh my goodness - how can one not uncontrollably twitch a leg after seeing that?

Sunshine, a jacketless day. The autumn leaves. The river runs through it. A waterfall. The ocean. Twitch twitch twitch, twitch twitch twitch, twitch your booty, it's a real cutie.

The downward part of a rollercoaster. Successfully exiting from a ski lift and the view within. Turning the corner and realizing your canoe will soon be up against the rapids. Twitch twitch twitch, yum, stop it s'more - don't, stop.

I wonder if they ever measured a dog's heartrate "mid-twitch" cause I bet it's elevated, just like ours are when we have those twitch moments.

There's enough in life that resembles dogshit in the middle of the road... Gimme those twitch moments. Here, come scratch my back. Twitch twitch twitch, yum, stop it s'more - don't, stop.

Victor, you're friggin' weird.

If you only knew how good that makes me twitch uncontrollably.

Life got you down? Ask for someone to scratch your back. See someone down? Scratch theirs.

Shake shake shake, twitch twitch twitch, twitch your booty, it's a real cutie.

Happy day, happy scratch reflexes.

Love, Victurd.