Goofy........probably....

I'm thankful daily for hearing my alarm at 5:20am. ("Pavlov's dogs" awaken me every Saturday and Sunday about the same time for breakfast at Hy Vee).. I'm thankful for breakfast at Hy Vee.

I'm thankful for a car that starts., a furnace that turns on, and a fridge that keeps my food (beer) cold.

I'm thankful for wherever it is flies go in the winter. I'm thankful for paying a hunnerd dollars a month to watch the Channel 9 news every day.

I'm thankful for those I would never wanna text, phone, go to lunch with for never texting, calling, asking to go to lunch.

I'm thankful for getting up in the dark, grabbing a pair of undies and three socks, scooting to the bathroom only to find a matching pair of socks, sometimes three.

I'm thankful for being 62 and not wanting a boss that continually looks over my shoulder, and for having a boss that doesn't continually look over my shoulder.

I'm thankful for caller ID and the wonder of discern. Even though I occasionally slip, I'm thankful age has taught me not to blurt, talk/type/regret when I hear/see/read something that makes me wanna barf.

I'm thankful for store's restrooms that have those automatic flusher thingys that actually work. I'm thankful, when they don't work, when there's no one close on my heels to take my place in the stall.

I'm thankful that for 5 year olds, race is, "first one to the tree and back."

I'm thankful for Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser, and for the Dollar Tree where I can buy 'generic' for half the cost.

I'm thankful for Apartment living in that my walk is shoveled, my grass is mowed, and when something in my apartment doesn't work, one call to the maintenance man, presto- it's like snapping one's fingers.

I'm thankful none of the folks in my building play "American Werewolf in London" (or similar) at way too many decibels at 2am. I'm thankful the neighbors above me moved even though I'm not personally opposed to amor at 3am. I'm thankful my ceiling has sturdy crossbeams.

I'm thankful for living where we have four seasons, giving one just cause to bitch no matter the month/weather.

I'm thankful for Freedom of Speech (in spite of, scroll to 'barf' above).. I'm thankful for merchants that reciprocate with "Hi" and say "thanks" cause they know if it weren't for us, they wouldn't be there.

I'm thankful for being able to backsapce. I'm thankful for being a male every time I walk in an ORI.

I'm thankful for my windshield wiper solution, even though I pay twice as much as most, as about half the spray shoots over the top of my car. I'm thankful, when people tailgate, I'm able to use my windshield wiper solution.

I'm thankful for being a simpleton, probably over-loving me some Liberty Bluejays, William Jewell Cardinals, Missouri Tigers, Kansas City Royals and Kansas City Chiefs. I'm thankful I'm one the edge of my seat when watching. I'm also thankful it doesn't bother me that I haven't the foggiest idea when someone says "Remember that game back in '94?"

Never been a big fan of thrill rides or jungle gyms, but love that life is a rollercoaster and a teeter-totter.

I'm thankful for breasts, at Kentucky Fried Chicken. I'm thankful for folks who jump to conclusions only to find themselves wrong.

I'm thankful for my BFF. He's occasionally an idiot. Sometimes imbibes. Can certainly be opinionated. He gets irate when vendors get an attitude. Mostly though, he's a wuss, but again, I like him, for he is me. (If one can't enjoy being in one's own skin... well, nevermind.)

I'm thankful there wasn't a class in college entitled "Women", for I would have received an "INC". I'm thankful I enjoy the quest of trying to figure out women, but knowing I never will. I'm thankful that 50% of you that just read that didn't get pissed off because you're aware AT LEAST half of my best friends are women.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to sit here and write whateverinthehell I wanna, and it really doesn't bug me too much what others think about it.

I'm even thankful my dad called me Victurd. (Count your blessings, unless you were a shop teacher)...

Love, Victurd.