The drop of a hat….

Dunno about you – but in this whimsical, topsy-turvy thing called life – respites of “no feel” exhibited, felt, demonstrated, lived, abhorred. I will admit to being a humongous glob of yuck following “D #2”.. (the last lady, of some 20+ years)…

Kinda reminded of the high dive at the ole JFK swimming pool. Ya know – ya jump off from a hella high height, your feet hit the water – hurts a tad simply due to the force – and you go down, down, down… for a brief moment, you wonder if you’ll ever surface again (and mebbe sometimes seemingly not caring if you don’t)..

Then – when you reach that very low point – it hits home “this ain’t where I wanna be” and your hands flail, beg, push, pull – ultimately rising, reaching the surface again. There, you smile, peruse, you realize, hells bells, there’s other gals in nifty bikini’s – I see the sun.. I’m breathing, safe, walking, seemingly Ok, life – it ain’t bad after all.

I dunno if it’s age, wimpiness, faint heart or what – but I get hella emotional any more over the least little thing. This morning, going thru the obits, too damn many bright, shining, youthful faces. WHY? Without knowing any of them – I clammed up, felt that little tinge run from my belly to my face…

Happy. Happy brings out life’s emoticons. Doesn’t have to be witnessing, observing someone I know.. I guess I’ve always been a tad on the sentimental side – but me, this age – it’s different. I think to myself “I should HATE this, being so easily stirred” – but I don’t. I rejoice in it. I guess I’m kinda reminded of a 25 year old clothes dryer. When new, whirled, nary a sound. Now, a bit more worse for wear, but happily, noisily, still spinning, whirling - simply appreciative of the "still going."

Victor, you are kinda a dumbass to lay this all out for everyone to see/read. I don’t care. I’ve said five hunnerd times – I write to me, hitchhikers welcome. And.. I bet, of the three or four that might stumble by here – there are others who are easily emoted – and they don’t mind it one little bit.

To feel is a wonderful thing – I vote rejoice in it. Thankful for it. Blessed to be it.

Another thing I noticed (scroll to “dumbass to lay this all out”)… I’ll pretty much say what I think now. Compliments, previously stowed away, now surface with ease. No intent ever to hurt – but the words flow more easily. If I see friend and they look good, I let ‘em know. No intent other than to let ‘em know. If I see something/someone doing/having something I like – I say so. Them thoughts usedta be in the belly (I guess) and would have trouble zipping up to the brain, and down thru the mouth. Not so any more. Live. Love. Like. Say. Do. Breathe.

You a grandparent? Ohhhhh my.. To catch eyeballs with my lovely 4+ month old g-baby, see her wing me a smile.. makes me feel like Superman with Kryptonite. Allofasudden I could give a rats about my leaky roof, the right rear tire that needs air daily, the occasional "more month than money"... It is a feel, after fitty-eight years, I am so wonderfuly thankful to elicit. YAY Aubrie Rose! LOVEYA!

Distaste? Oh sure. Who doesn’t see/hear things that makeya wanna upchuck. THAT’s when I allow my thoughts to gurgle/stay down in the belly – never surface. That’s when I turn the other direction, get the hell away, “don’t wanna be here, hear this”.. and I do. Am I painting myself “better than thou”?.. Quoting my wonderful stepson “Not no’s but hells no’s”…

I recently wrote something on Mother’s Day on Facebook about the passing of my mother some 25 years ago.. did so simply because I think of her every day.. I got the most wonderful email from a guy a few classes aheada me in school.. He admitted to tearing up as he read this posting. His email meant TONS to me – and simply reinforced, this is a great age.. a great time of life.. and way, way, way AOK to show, say, feel, cry, love, smile – use that damn ticker before it eventually gets too many miles on it and shoots crap.

Happy day. May you have a good cry. A good smile. Wing a comp to a buddy. Look in the mirror and appreciate that those lines are thankfully from smiling over the years. Love, Victurd.