May-something, 1970...

Oh Victor, the next 40 years…..

What? What about ‘em?

Different. Very.

You mean I won’t settle down, have two kids, marry that gal the was Courtwarming Queen, the perfect ranch home on the perfect cul-de-sac?

We’ll somea that. You’ll never really settle down.. In fact, 40 years from now you’ll still be quite the Happy Hour attendee… and you will eventually, kinda-sorta, have two kids.. And no, you won’t marry the Courtwarming Queen either time..

EITHER TIME? WHAT? Unheard of… I learned from my grandparents.. 60 years married.. My own folks.. One wife, one hubby, one marriage..

Sorry Victor. Twice. You’ll say “til death do us part” twice.. Although you admittedly welled up the second time ‘cause you had already said it.

Then who? Who will I marry?

The first will be a gal that played women’s basketball for you. (kinda-sorta).

WHAT? They don’t even HAVE women’s basketball. I’m gonna coach? Was she the best on the team?

Well.. They did/do have women’s basketball, yes, you will be the assistant on the very first ever WJC team, and Head Coach for 6 more years.. And no, she barely played, your decision.. But she was pretty, exhilarating…

So….. We had two kids?

No… zip.. She came home after 6 and ½ years and announced “I told my father, I possibly have feelings for others… he said ‘then take of your belongings, and get out’… so that’s what I’m doing.”

WHAT? Marriage in my family just don’t end. Did I yell, scream, pitch a fit, beg?

No.. it all ended quietly.. And, while I’m certain she’s well and good - you’ll never see her again from 1980 until 2010.

Dayum.

So… I was 30-ish.. And no kids.. Darn.. Wife # 2?

Well, Mr. Cradle Robber, she was 8 years younger than you.

NO WAY.

WAY.

Pretty?

Very.

And we had kids?

Well… kinda sorta. She already had a 5 year old when you met.

How’d we meet?

You umpired her softball games where she, her two sisters and her mother played on the same team… She too was a friend of a friend you played softball with, and she’d come watch your games…

Damn…

Did the kid and I get along?

Yes.. .. You ended up coaching his little league teams, helping with birthday celebrations, homework, fixing broken toys, setting up army guys, playing catch.. You loved him as if he was your own.. At times.. There was a little animosity upon occasion (both ways) between he and your own son.

MY OWN SON? I/we had one?

Yes, 15 years after you graduated from High School. In fact, you went to Back to School Night for his first grade class.. And on the way home he said “Dang dad, you’re the oldest dad in my class.”

The little turd.

What about work? Will I teach 30 years and retire.

Hardy har har har. Not quite.

Then what?

Well… you’ll sell potato chips.. Work for three, count ‘em three, different airlines. (One disbanded it’s hub here, you coulda gone to NY or Chicago part time, you separated… Two went bankrupt.)

Damn…

There’s more….

Tell me…

You’ll work for an air freight forwarder, two trucking companies… You’ll get a friend on at one of them, she’ll leave her hubby (your friend) for the owner of the trucking company, you’ll quit for spite… start your own trucking company… make $60 the first month.. Living off of it by month three.

Damn, that’s not bad.. Then is that how I finish my working career? Owner-operator retires/sells business?

Ahm, no. After three successful years, you’ll come home one day and she (#2) will say “me or the business….. Pick.”

And having said “till death do us part” I disbanded the company didn’t I?

Yes Victor, you did.

You say I still attend Happy Hour with regularity.. A married man doesn’t do that.. You mean NUMBER TWO DIDN’T LAST EITHER?

Sorry. Didn’t. Oh it was a very good marriage for a long time (20 years).. Then, shit hit the fan. Your sister, I’m very sorry, died of cancer in January of 1999..

NO.. that’d make her only 51, say it ain’t so..

Sorry… so… And her brother would commit suicide two years later, the day after your wife’s birthday…

Damn.

That one really affected everything. Not solely to blame for sure - but many things happened. One sister inlaw got divorced, one was in a not so great marriage. Thus, the three sisters (your wife included) started “Girls night out.”

Well.. Probably not a bad thing…

Perhaps. It started as Wednesday nights.. Then, wasn’t long after it went to Wednesday/Fridays… and a bit later Wednesdays/Fridays/Saturdays….

Geez, you don’t even have to tell me how this one ended…

Sorry Victor..

Did I ever teach? Yes, yes you did. You taught one year of High School.. And another five years in the District you grew up in as an Elementary PE Teacher..

Cool! Did I get fired? How come I left?

Well, you panicked.

Huh?

Yeah… they have a “continuing education program”.. you were to have 6 hours completed by such-and-sucha year.. You didn’t… panicked, and found another job.

Darn.

Yep. You currently enjoy your job.. Your company moves Military member’s Household Goods allover the world.

I travel?

No.. everything is subcontracted, you work from your desk in Grandview, MO..

I loved baseball… did I keep playing?

Well, kinda-sorta again. Softball. You played many, many years both overhand fast pitch, and slow pitch.. Then, at age 45, you and wifey #2 took a family vote (as to whether you should continue to play) and you lost 1 to 1.

Damn.

But.. Then you got divorced. And, at age 56, you said “Screw it, I’m playing again.. Even if I’ve had Cataract surgery”

CATARACT SURGERY? THAT’S FOR OLD PEOPLE!

Well.. You are fitty-seven. You’d never been to the eye doctor. Things were getting blurry.. You made appointment.. He looked you over.. For 30 minutes he didn’t say a word.. Finally..
“How old are you”… 54... “you got cataracts.. In both eyes”

Damn… So, my only surgery?

Well.. . No..

You’ll have knee surgery at age 40-something… and then… after you get divorced (the second time)… remember that enlarged testicle (hydrocele) you have?

Yes….

Well… you were a little worried, at age fitty-something.. Of dating again… getting hot/bothered.. And ‘she’ would reach down there, grab that big’n and scream… so.. You had it corrected… by a gay doctor.

COME ON MAN.. You’re shitting me?

Nope, ain’t. You weren’t aware he was gay.. Until you heard his voice, saw his physical manners.. But he is respected in his field, so you continued with him… after surgery to correct the enlarged testi.. He brought you in the office… asked you to “drop your drawers”.. .he stood back thirty feet.. Put his hands up.. Thumbs together.. As if peering thru goalposts… looked at ‘em and said “PERFECT”.. You didn’t know whether to laugh or run.. Bottomline, your testicles now match in size.

So.. That’s about all that was ever wrong with me??

Aside from a broken wrist, some broken fingers, a broken nose (you’ll suffer that one in a pickup game, one of your students will accidentally whack you) and being stitched up a few times, yes, that’s about it.

So……. With all those jobs.. It doesn’t sound as if I’ve got much retirement built up?

Astute Victor. And funny you should ask about it in 1970, ‘cause you didn’t think too much about that en route to age fitty-seven. You’ve got a very small 401K.

Do I enjoy life the next forty years?

I’d have to say yes Victor. You had a very loving nuclear family, and you loved them back. Each marriage had very good times - the ends to each were sudden and unfortunate. You’ve had great times with your son (you coached him for years and years in baseball, basketball, soccer… you spent EONS of time playing catch, taking batting practice, shooting hoops.. Running his teams from this tournament to that one… a blast.)

Nice… So, gulp, I honestly don’t know if I could say “until death do us part” a third time.. Have I given up on women?

Let’s say you’re maybe ‘gun-shy’.

Huh?

Well.. There are a few along the way (you’ve been alone now for nine years) that got pretty darn serious, and each and every time you’ve pulled away. Torn between “I just don’t know if it’s right” and “hell, two have left me, what’s to say she won’t”.. You prolly need to go to a shrink about this, but knowing you, you won’t.

Yeah, you’re probably right. So my entire nuclear family is gone?

Yes, sorry. You phrase it “I couldn’t have landed in a better nuclear family, the basta’s all just departed too soon.”

Very true.

So what kinda women have I dated since #2?

Well… good question.. A conundrum….

Huh?

Yeah… you’ve been out with a 20-something, some 30-somethings, some 40-something, some 50-somethings and some 60-somethings…

Damn daddy. Wild. Say mister?

Yes…

Could you come back in 2010, let me know how/when “it all ends”?

Well Victor, I supposed I could do that. I would remind you, life is a palate, and you possess the paint/brushes to create the ‘remaining years’ however you like, for the most part.

Thanks Mister. While the brutal honestly of “how the next 40 will go” was at times disturbing, I appreciate it.

You’re welcome Victor. Happy painting.