Infractions.....

I went ahead and Googled "define infraction"... Google asked "did you mean define infarction?"... Huh uh, didn't. Meant infraction.

So Google gave in, and thanks to the English World Dictionary, we learn "failure to comply: failure to obey or fulfill a law, contract, or agreement, or an instance of this."
Tonight, I'd had a visit with Victor... en route home, I was to buy TP..."Dad... we've got one roll left"... did... and then I was to (go straight to Community Center, do not pass "Go".. do not collect $200") I was to workout.

So I did. The Piggly Wiggly. "No thanks, don't need'a sack" (for my four BIG "same price as 8 small rolls") thingy of TP... As I dodged cars ignoring the "Stop fo really old/slow people" signs... I felt kinda silly toting my four rolls of TP that weren't concealed by a "Paper or Plastic?" bag.

YES, you creep, gettin' outta your 2006 Lexus, I DO wipe my booty, just like you and every other person on this planet. WHY ARE YOU SHOCKED I'M TOTING THE ROLLS "AS IS"?.. Have you not pooped in several days? Is your bathroom not equipped with a vent fan because yours don't stinky?

So I guess I committed the dreaded Charmin infraction.. no sack... NC-17 exposed TP in a GP parking lot.

Marital infractions... U might haveta help me here... been a few years... Ifn's I remember correctly, this would include being late in excess of two hours with no phone call.. partaking in a meal and u didn't cook it, nor clean up after it... finishing any sentence about an inlaw that even resembles derogatory... any dent in the checking balance in excess of fitty bucks, with no advance explanation... I'm sure there are more... those I remember...

As a po' single person. "Hi, this is your electric conglomerate... I am so saddened to learn that Ralph (or Edna) hasn't upheld their end of the bargain in child support... regret the fact ur working 74 houris a week to make up for the shortage... still.. your payment was due two days ago... please pay the balance in full... and the $60 reconnection fee and we'll gladly restore service... oh yeah, please give us 3 to 9 days to schedule this."

From hella big "Obama/Bush bailed me out" mortgage lender.. "Yes, we see you're late. There are programs in place. We'll get to you soon. Promise. I know you're '97 Buick shot craps last week.. ur ex is again behind.. you've had to pay a taxi (and extra daycare) so you could make it into work on time... dang I/we feel for you... Please forward your mortgage balance in full along with a minor late fee charge os $32.79.

Infractions. Hate 'em.

Was doing the 1st and 2nd grade thingy the other day. (Refereeing little shits basketball.) Mebbe one in seven kids "get's it", the remainder.. two of seven are there for the flimsy fruity drink that you punch the straw in it. Two, 'cause dad played High School basketball. Anudder two 'cause Tyler normally gets all the attention, but this is my friggin' stage.

Coach runs out on the court after a hard foul (which we called.)... "IT'S BECAUSE YOU'VE LET THIS GAME GET OUT OF HAND. THESE CHILDREN COULD GET HURT! I'M CONSIDERING WRITING YOU UP TO YOUR SUPERVISOR." Ok, so the guy isn't getting laid with regularity. Or mebbe he's divorced and he only has the kid on Saturday/Sunday and he can't control that kinda blood pressure. Maybe coulda even been cut from the 9th grade team in Middle School - and he carries the grudge to this day.........
So................................ me and my best bud Sanford.... The last seven minutes of the game, CALL EVERYTHING. They couldn'ta picked a booger without us finding some kinda infraction.. Whistles blew.. damn near simultaneously.. and Sanford and I thought "Ok, you (close your ears) asshole.. you want everything called? Here ya go"... And the kids didn't getta play. All the time for the running clock was spent "side out". But.. that's what he wanted. Call them infractions. Every single one. I hate infractions.

Driving infractions. Oh hell. We see 'em all the time. Lazy bastas that don't use their turn signals, make you wait at the light/stop sign, then they turn... lane changing, no signal... "thou shall not follow any closer than one car length per every 10 mph"..uh huh, like that's gonna happen. (And quite frankly, it's either the henpecked dude that can't get a word in edgewise at home, or, the gal that couldn't get a date even if Obama announced a Viagra stimulous plan.
5 mph over the limit = "Hey, slow down!".. 10 mph, finally, an infraction.

Lawyers have this fancified way of turning really really bad infractions into more palatable infractions - but this takes bank.. the more bank, the greater the reduction in the infraction. "Defective equipment" I believe is the most widely used judge (I don't give a shit, as long as you can make a buck and get him outta her) and lawyer (Say Frank, have you seen my new Ford Edge? Fits all seven kids. Three DVD players.)... infractions...

Another infraction, I hear tell... is rambling on and on in a blog - to where you simply lose people. Hey, I be sorry. Didn't meanta ramble. Color me "infracted"... I "blog time out". Bailiff, whack his pee pee.

We've discussed, many a time, life has it's ups and downs. Infraction don't fit in there anywhere. Why I hate 'em. Sorry, stepped over the free throw line, bucket no good. Your left turn signal is out sir, please go purchase a new bulb, bring it back, and we'll happily pass your car for inspection. I'm sorry, we can't license your car. We're aware you've stood in line thru two birthdays. You have nine of the ten needed documents. That's an infraction.

I'm the baby, gotta love me. Love, Victurd.