Which translates to, turn left here if you still have one iota of respect for me, cause sometimes, I get a little carried away.
The following is a mish mash, mainly because I can't think of one dadgum topic to write about, so, below is everything that's crossed my brain, hence, the above warning.
Haven't blogged for over a week for two reasons, one, no ideas as mentioned above, and two, I spilled coffee on my laptop, thereby eliminating the use of the entire row qwertyuiop..... hch maks lannng v dffcl ...
hch maks lannng v dffcl , btw, is "which makes planning very difficult" when you try to type without using the letters from the row qwertyuiop.
So, is this where I enter "a needle pulling thread Victor?". No. Ain't. So, I dug DEEP DEEP into my savings account and purchased a Chromebook ($44.99, shipping included), life, be peachy again.
Mish mash, not to be confused with "splish splash" cause I ain't even got a tub.
I awakened to what I wore in a dream. I was on the golf course. With, a former co-worker, a fraternity brother, another i couldn't identify, and me...wearing only a t shirt and boxer briefs. It was the 3rd hole before I realized it. I just hit my driver, actually inbounds, something I rarely do, when I looked down and realized I'd forgotten to put on my shorts. The former co-worker was female, I was embarrassed like crazy, tossed my driver, ran, hollered to fraternity brother "Hey _____, grab my driver for me I'll be right back" and I prayed that my boxer briefs weren't 'streaky' so to speak. Got home, put on shorts, realized I guess I haven't gone to church enough of late, oh well, happens.
Breakfast out this morning. Mom and pop place I adore. It's an old house, converted. The bad part is, if you gotta use the restroom, you have to go outside, enter the back door, go THROUGH the kitchen, down the stairs, and do it in reverse to return. So, needle? NO. So, needless to say, one has to ANNOUNCE "Hey I'm going to pee (or poop)" so they don't think you walked out the front door and they toss your plate away that has one full sausage patty and a halfa piece of toast on it. And, we all know, women are the only ones that ever announce when they have to pee, or otherwise. Ever notice that? It's twue, it's reawwy twue!
So, AND NO, not a needle pulling thread. So, I had to go kinda bad this morning. Gobbled food fast, paid, did the ole buttocks squeeze out the door (don't tell me you ain't never done the buttocks squeeze). To QT. QT has 4, court em, 4 stalls, ALWAYS an open one.
Got there, wasn't. So, what does one do in that case? You lean against the wall, combine the buttock squeeze with the pee pee dance, and you (pray and) await an open stall.
FINALLY, one opened. So, AND AGAIN NO, are you like me in that you feel the noises one's body makes while you-know-ing are disgusting? I am. Oh, sure, I'm ok at home where it's just me and me... but put me amidst four folks who are also #2'ing, it's embarrassing. So...one awaits for someone to enter the main door (then push/grunt). Or, a urinal flushes (then push/grunt). Or, your neighbor unrolls some TP (push/grunt)
And, one prays gut noise don't slip out. I'll take half a damn hour to poop, timing the grunts with normal bathroom noises, so as not to be embarrassed by "Hey, did you hear that guy grunt in the 3rd stall, he musta had a big ole bowl of chili!!!!"..which, actually happened to me once when a couple smartalec teenagers were just outside, and I guess I earned it.
Done with that, I flush... Open the door and there is some guy up agin the wall doing the pee pee dance, buttock squeeze. Poor feller.
A very good place to fart
When you read you begin with A-be-see (not qwertyuiop)
When you sing you begin with do-re-mi
The first three notes just happen to be
Do-re-mi, do-re-mi
Let's see if I can make it easy
Ray, a drop of golden sun
Me, a name I call myself
Far, a long, long way to run
Sew, a needle pulling thread (YAY, you did it!)
La, a note to follow Sew
Tea, a drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to Do (oh-oh-oh)
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