Are we there yet, are we there yet mom, dad.. huh?
1963. Eleven years old. The Chiefs are coming to OUR TOWN! Mr. Toma transformed the fields from OK, to pristine. A thing of beauty. Even the practice fields. Goal posts were erected in Center Field of the baseball field at William Jewell for the kickers to use.
Hustle, bustle. Us kids, galore. The day and age when a Schwinn and leg muscles were all one needed to pedal up those dadgum big hills of William Jewell to Greene Stadium - this year, better known as GREEN Stadium. The day and age where an 11 year old could gallivant across town without mom or dad's accompaniment.
The heat. The sweat. The popping of pads. The thrill of Victor, the pounding of their feet. Good Lord these men are huge. "Can I have your autograph?" We didn't care if they needed to shower, gulp a Big Gulp... was Gatorade even a thing back then? We asked anyways, and 99 times outta a hunnerd the players (and coaches) obliged.
"Can I have your autograph Sir?"... Sure.. Oops, missed that guy, run up to the toppa the hill, "Can I have your autograph Sir?... Lemme see your page kid.. did.. see that right there? That's me.. You just got my autograph down there 3 minutes ago. Oops, sorry.
Living on a street across from William Jewell College was a thing of beauty. When the fanciest of fancy cars drove by, we ran to the curb to wave - as we just knew is was either Buck, Mike Garrett, Lenny, Bobby Bell, Willie - one of 'em.
Night time. 5 minutes before curfew - up the 25mph hill the fancy dancy cars would screech at speeds estimated at 60mph - simply so they wouldn't miss curfew - get fined.
My cousins would come from Fulton, MO and Jeff City, MO... We'd take blank page after blank page, with pens - and go hunt them suckers out. One cousin - he filled three pages with certainly more names than the 53 man roster held.. One small problem. He had a (wonderful, but smartaleck) cousin (my beautiful sister) who loved to 'fun'. Whilst we were out in the yard pretending to be Otis Taylor making one handed catches - of Lenny The Cool floating a long bomb - she was inside writing on my cousin's page.
50 plus years later - he showed me two of those three pages. Oh the names. EJ Holub, Curly Culp, Jonnie Robinson, Emmitt Thomas, Hank himself, even Lamar... THEN, he showed me the 3rd page with one autograph that really, really stood out. "Orville Footstink." My (now deceased) sister had done it. She got one of us again. When my cousin recently showed me the 3rd page with good ole Orville's name on it - I kinda got the feeling he'd changed his demeanor from upset 50 years ago, to "it's maybe my favorite autograph on the three pages" today.
The Super Bowl. Ha, they picked our Senior year... January 11, 1970. Champs of the World.
IT'S GONNA BE LIKE THIS EVERY YEAR!!!!!
Are we there yet mom, dad.. are we there?
Older now... in fact.. I was in the lovable old Corner Bar one night - ten or so of those big behemoths were in there too.. avoiding the 100 degree temps, replenishing their bods with perhaps the wrong kinda fluid to replenish -nonetheless, there they were - and we were glad they were.
Pete Beathard, QB, walked to the bar to get another beer. "Hey Pete?... Get me some peanuts." OK.. Did, and he got his beer. Was walking back.. "Just throw 'em!"... "Nope, someone would probably intercept 'em."
The longhorns on EJ Holubs car. Our dog Gabe, in the days before leash laws, EJ pounding away on the blocking sled, Gabe literally biting EJ in the butt as he did.. he'd hit the sled with his left shoulder and simultaneously attempt to flick Gabe off his buttocks with his right arm.
Racquetball in the old Brown Gym. They let the City kids come play for free. Knock on the door. We'd open. "Mr. Stram would like to play now." Gulp, OK. We're gone.
Then years and years and years of almost. Painful memories - perhaps none greater than that one year, Christmas Day, the longest game EVER in the NFL.
Mom? Dad? Are we there yet, are we there?
All the names. All the different 'used car' quarterbacks. Hand me downs from other teams. Ill conceived draft choices. Close, but never a cigar.
Much like the snotnoses (said lovingly) of today when the Royals won in 2015, "it's gonna be like this EVERY year!" Oops.
Are we there yet are we there?
BBQ. Expensive parking. Tossing the football around in the parking lot at Arrowhead. Thousands of us - all dressed up in Lanier, Bell, Lynch, Montana, Rison, Green, Holmes, Allen (Marcus or Jared), Shields, Lowery, Stenerud, Rudnay, Still, Cherry, Budde, Lewis, Smith, Thomas, Gonzalez, you name the jersey - we wore it.
We hate the Raiders (and the Broncos, and the Chargers). We have Red Friday. We put red dye in our fountains.
Are we there yet mom, huh, are we?
From Abdullah (Husain) thru Frank Zombo we've just about heard it all, seen it all. Three missed field goals. A QB scoring a touchdown on a pass from him to himself. 4 inches offsides.
Mom? Are we EVER gonna get there?
From the depths of 2012 and our 2 win, 14 loss season - something(s) changed.
Started with Clark cleaning the 'cabinets'. Brought in Big Red. (Thanks Philly... the hell were you thinking?)
Oh boy oh boy oh boy... No.. we can't. We can't get our hopes up again.. Remember? Didn't you learn ANYTHING in all those years? It ain't gonna happen. We're going to the grave with the "loved his 1969 World Champion Chiefs" inscription.
With the 10th pick in the 2017 draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select Patrick Mahomes II.
Be for real. Don't you remember Tony Adams? Bill Kenney? Steve Fuller? #1 pick Todd Blackledge? Bono, Grbac (Grrrrr) Croyle.
It's been a minute. MOM, it's been longer than that, are we EVER gonna get there?
Fast forward, as fast as moving 50 years later could be considered fast.
Welcome to Miami.
We've been knocked down, but we get up again, you're never gonna keep us down, we get knocked down, but we get up again, you're never gonna keep us down.
Ohhhh Danny boy...
Me thinks it's gonna happen. This is different. I doubted the Royals vs. Toronto, Houston. I was wrong. Please oh please don't lemme be wrong on this.
The pundits all seem to pick the 49'ers. (Got 'em right where we want em). "Just look at all those #1 draft choices on the defensive line, redwoods, all of 'em..... sure, Mahomes is awesome, but clearly the 49ers have the best team."
Go to bed Fred, we're Big Red, led by Big Red.
The two weeks from our last game, leading up to this has seemed like the month as a child once December hits until the morning we finally get to tear into the gifts under the tree.
Mom, dad? Are we there yet, are we there?
"We'll be there in two days.... it's a long trip to Miami."
That - is an understatement. It's a two generation drive. A Johnson to Nixon to Ford to Carter to Reagan to Bush to Clinton to Bush to Obama to Trump long drive.
The Kansas City Times is no more - but it's Kansas City's time.
Screw Blanda, Bilitnikoff, Big Ben, Elway, Kelly, Manning, and anyone else that kicked our booty.
We're now f'real.
My sister and I spent many a mile, many an hour in the back seats of those station wagons in the day. Dad drove so slow, REALLY slow.. ... if by the oft chance he actually passed a car, we gave him a standing ovation.
Sunday. Sunday. We're there. We're finally there.
50 years later, 100 million people will be watching. We're gonna pass the San Francisco 49'ers - Standing Ovation.
It's been a ride. A long, wonderful, occasionally miserable, ride.
Mom, dad? Are we there yet?
We are.
Ain't it great?
Love, Victurd
Friday, January 31, 2020
Thursday, January 30, 2020
Well I told you once and I told you twice....
But ya never listen to my advice
You don't try very hard to please me
With what you know it should be easy
Well this could be the last time
This could be the last time
Maybe the last time
I don't know
Oh no, oh no
The last time. Interesting concept. Saw the other day, it was asked "do you remember the last time in your life a neighbor kid knocked on your door and you went out to play?"
Was walking into the Community Center the other day... out walked a lady in not too great'a shape - walker, struggling. Just shoot me, my brain went to "I don't won't to be like that." Yeah I do, if there ain't no alternative. It's like the guy saying "I don't wanna live to be 90!".. Well, ask him when he's 89 years, 364 days old if he still feels the same way...
My ex father inlaw. Good man. Loved golf. Played the big courses. As he aged, he drove 10 miles to a smaller, par three course. For a time he drove the Interstate. Then, as eyes, reflexes became challenged, he drove there via the less traveled 2 lane highway - but, he was still going. He's gone now. I wonder if before he passed he remembered the last time he played?
I repeat myself, apologies, know I've told this - but (to me) pretty gripping. Long ago after divorce, toes dabbled into the dating game. Just shoot me again, figuring out women, there ain't no last time. That could be looked upon as a good thing, as we male piggies are very easy to figure out. Anyways, long about the 4th or 5th person I dated - I finally thought to ask "just what are you looking for?" This gal, way too young for me, was hella brighter than I. She told me, "Well.. I'm a nurse. One night I was working in the ER, a frail elderly lady was having severe cardiac issues. In fact, she coded three times and we were able to revive her. Each time, the doctor would go to the waiting room to visit/communicate with her elderly husband. She coded again. This time we couldn't save her. The doctor returned to the waiting room, relayed the sad news to the husband. Without so much as a word, he got up, went into the room where she lay with the sheet pulled over her. He pulled the sheet down, kissed her cheek - covered her back up and was on his way. THAT. That's what I want." Wow, some last time.
As one ages, the more one sees things we no longer can do, will do, want to do. Running, for me, is an example. Buying, enjoying a 2 story house is another. High risk investing.
Many in our family tree - gone. Remember the last time you saw them? Kinda makes one want to pay greater attention to every detail in life - particularly with family, loved ones, longtime friends.
'The A table'. Twas a group of good buds (I wasn't a 'member', but I recall seeing them and the fun they had.) They would gather at the same pub, same time, same day of the week - for years. Recently, one of The A Team was in Hospice. His last desire (last time) was to play shuffleboard "just one more time." They propped him up next to the table - and play he did with a smile as big as the Mississippi.
Another friend, her mom in hospice, helped her mother go/do many items on the bucket list. One 'last time' request was to ride a horse. Twas arranged. Twas filmed. Many helped her get on the horse. A last ride - with smile. Perty damn cool. Last times suck and are wonderful, if that makes sense.
We are reminded frequently "life is short, enjoy." Or, as Gwen Stefani said "Life is short and you've got to get the most out of it."
I ain'ts no preacher - but I would love love love to emulate the bright-eyed vibrancy of a small child the remainder of my life. See everything with awe. Remind me it's OK that the lady in line aheada ya at the grocery store with enough food in her cart to feed a football team - didn't offer to let you go in fronta her and purchase your loaf of bread. The times we're in a hurry and there's an even more elderly person infronta you at the checkout of a store - and they want to share one more little story with the clerk. Maybe they are in that "bright-eyed vibrant" (this could be the last time) ilk of their life? We can learn from it.
I beg Oh Lord to ne'er again "read way too dadgum much" into something seemingly incomplete a friend, loved one has said. Bounce it off these feathers, lemme smile, have wide eyes - and peek for the next nifty little diddy in life.
I'm rambling, sorry. Main point(s). Life IS fleeting. Last times DO happen. Don't sweat the small stuff (unless you have lice... or crabs.. sorry... kinda.. not really.)
A bit more hunched over. Running days behind me. No more 220+ yard golf drives. Still driving the Interstates - will try to remember to take it all in - as one day that will end. I do hereby promise to use that word love more. The words "I hate when...." less. And "it really bugs me when you...." less. Walk in the rain. Dig in the dirt, plant a flower. Fetch the colors of the sky with your eyes. See if you can count your smiles in a day until you reach fitty. Let things leak out like "you know, all my life I've really admired how you....." Yum. Bring it out. Shout it out. Smother others in happiness.
Don't be PO'ed you only hit a golf ball 180 yards, remember to know we're blessed in just being out there, able to still be simply playing, enjoying.
Bright eyed, bushy tailed, vibrant. Like a rock. No, that ain't it. Like a kid. Like a kid in awe of all life. I usedta love the heck outta teaching elementary PE. Those dudes would walk in quietly in the neat, straight line their teacher had arranged.. but their eyeballs were huge, as was their smile - as they soon knew we'd be going wild and crazy, having fun. Bright eyed, bushy tailed. Vibrant. Thanks kids for teaching ME how to live.
Well this could be the last time
This could be the last time
Maybe the last time
I don't know
Oh no, oh no
Love, Victurd
You don't try very hard to please me
With what you know it should be easy
Well this could be the last time
This could be the last time
Maybe the last time
I don't know
Oh no, oh no
The last time. Interesting concept. Saw the other day, it was asked "do you remember the last time in your life a neighbor kid knocked on your door and you went out to play?"
Was walking into the Community Center the other day... out walked a lady in not too great'a shape - walker, struggling. Just shoot me, my brain went to "I don't won't to be like that." Yeah I do, if there ain't no alternative. It's like the guy saying "I don't wanna live to be 90!".. Well, ask him when he's 89 years, 364 days old if he still feels the same way...
My ex father inlaw. Good man. Loved golf. Played the big courses. As he aged, he drove 10 miles to a smaller, par three course. For a time he drove the Interstate. Then, as eyes, reflexes became challenged, he drove there via the less traveled 2 lane highway - but, he was still going. He's gone now. I wonder if before he passed he remembered the last time he played?
I repeat myself, apologies, know I've told this - but (to me) pretty gripping. Long ago after divorce, toes dabbled into the dating game. Just shoot me again, figuring out women, there ain't no last time. That could be looked upon as a good thing, as we male piggies are very easy to figure out. Anyways, long about the 4th or 5th person I dated - I finally thought to ask "just what are you looking for?" This gal, way too young for me, was hella brighter than I. She told me, "Well.. I'm a nurse. One night I was working in the ER, a frail elderly lady was having severe cardiac issues. In fact, she coded three times and we were able to revive her. Each time, the doctor would go to the waiting room to visit/communicate with her elderly husband. She coded again. This time we couldn't save her. The doctor returned to the waiting room, relayed the sad news to the husband. Without so much as a word, he got up, went into the room where she lay with the sheet pulled over her. He pulled the sheet down, kissed her cheek - covered her back up and was on his way. THAT. That's what I want." Wow, some last time.
As one ages, the more one sees things we no longer can do, will do, want to do. Running, for me, is an example. Buying, enjoying a 2 story house is another. High risk investing.
Many in our family tree - gone. Remember the last time you saw them? Kinda makes one want to pay greater attention to every detail in life - particularly with family, loved ones, longtime friends.
'The A table'. Twas a group of good buds (I wasn't a 'member', but I recall seeing them and the fun they had.) They would gather at the same pub, same time, same day of the week - for years. Recently, one of The A Team was in Hospice. His last desire (last time) was to play shuffleboard "just one more time." They propped him up next to the table - and play he did with a smile as big as the Mississippi.
Another friend, her mom in hospice, helped her mother go/do many items on the bucket list. One 'last time' request was to ride a horse. Twas arranged. Twas filmed. Many helped her get on the horse. A last ride - with smile. Perty damn cool. Last times suck and are wonderful, if that makes sense.
We are reminded frequently "life is short, enjoy." Or, as Gwen Stefani said "Life is short and you've got to get the most out of it."
I ain'ts no preacher - but I would love love love to emulate the bright-eyed vibrancy of a small child the remainder of my life. See everything with awe. Remind me it's OK that the lady in line aheada ya at the grocery store with enough food in her cart to feed a football team - didn't offer to let you go in fronta her and purchase your loaf of bread. The times we're in a hurry and there's an even more elderly person infronta you at the checkout of a store - and they want to share one more little story with the clerk. Maybe they are in that "bright-eyed vibrant" (this could be the last time) ilk of their life? We can learn from it.
I beg Oh Lord to ne'er again "read way too dadgum much" into something seemingly incomplete a friend, loved one has said. Bounce it off these feathers, lemme smile, have wide eyes - and peek for the next nifty little diddy in life.
I'm rambling, sorry. Main point(s). Life IS fleeting. Last times DO happen. Don't sweat the small stuff (unless you have lice... or crabs.. sorry... kinda.. not really.)
A bit more hunched over. Running days behind me. No more 220+ yard golf drives. Still driving the Interstates - will try to remember to take it all in - as one day that will end. I do hereby promise to use that word love more. The words "I hate when...." less. And "it really bugs me when you...." less. Walk in the rain. Dig in the dirt, plant a flower. Fetch the colors of the sky with your eyes. See if you can count your smiles in a day until you reach fitty. Let things leak out like "you know, all my life I've really admired how you....." Yum. Bring it out. Shout it out. Smother others in happiness.
Don't be PO'ed you only hit a golf ball 180 yards, remember to know we're blessed in just being out there, able to still be simply playing, enjoying.
Bright eyed, bushy tailed, vibrant. Like a rock. No, that ain't it. Like a kid. Like a kid in awe of all life. I usedta love the heck outta teaching elementary PE. Those dudes would walk in quietly in the neat, straight line their teacher had arranged.. but their eyeballs were huge, as was their smile - as they soon knew we'd be going wild and crazy, having fun. Bright eyed, bushy tailed. Vibrant. Thanks kids for teaching ME how to live.
Well this could be the last time
This could be the last time
Maybe the last time
I don't know
Oh no, oh no
Love, Victurd
Tuesday, January 28, 2020
It's 5 O'Clock somewhere........
For whatever reason, the number 5 has popped up in my life hella times of late.
Five, to me, is interesting. High Five. Hawaii 5 Oh... Fab 5.
There be 5 appendages on a starfish. Ditto, on our appendages. Cept', one time, no not band camp, one time, fraternity house. We always had a Haunted House for Halloween. We usually charged admission and pinpointed some charity, like Goodwill, the Red Cross, or a keg of Olympia. One of our fraternity brothers, he, 6'6" tall, and with proper suit, shoulder pads, looked just like Herman Munster. Anyways, it was dark in the room where he was posted. He held a flashlight, and one by one as the kids would walk by, he'd shine the flashlight on his face, say "Count the toes", then shine the flashlight on his feet, and yep, NOT 5, but 6 toes on each foot. I'm sure there's a name for that, but I ain't got 5 minutes to dig for it. Anyways, the kids would scream and head for another room.
It's been like 5 months since I've blogged. My puter is sick. Will get to it one day, just as soon as I go on a diet and quit smoking. So, I be at Library. Gotta new card. I haven't been here in like 5 times 5 years. Last time I was here, I remember owing $2.17 on past dues. I figured, when I told 'em my name, got a new card, there'd be like $5 in interest added to the $2.17 I'd have to pay. Nope. All old records wiped out, life is good, party on.
So...logged on with my library card number (which does have a 5 in it).. Then, I guess because they were worried I was a robot, they had to text me a 5 digit number for me to then enter, so I can use the puter for 5 (times 12) minutes. While I was typing all that crap, Cricket texted me notifying they'd automatically withdrawn $50 for my bill. It usedta be $45. Every month, roughly 5 days before time to pay bill, phone would get slow as molasses. Finally called 'em, said "what gives?" They said something about bites, and I didn't have enough.. when I reached so-and-so bites, it would be slow. I asked "Well how much for unlimited?" $5 extra. See? 5's allover the damn place.
Five Man Electrical Band... Maroon 5.. The 5th Dimension.. The Dave Clark Five.. A perfect 5th is the most consonant harmony, and is the basis for most western tuning systems. Wiki told me that, I ain't got no idea what it means.
Five second rule on food on the floor. High Five, today, replaced by the fist bump. Wonder what'll be popular in 5 years?
Church's Fried Chicken. I know I've told this story, probably 5 times before - so apologies. Virtually daily, when I was working, I'd go to lunch and buy the same ole same ole meal from Church's. Cheerful guy with Spanish accent on the order speaker thingy, each time would lemme know the amount... "Faiy-oh-five." I giggled to myself silently each and every time he did this, cause it made me wonder why he could say the second 5, but not the first one.. ($5.05) like "Five-Oh-Five." Been about 5 years since I've been to that Church's.
The Olympics, symbolized by 5 interlocked rings. Basketball, 5 on 5. In the numbering of players, 1 thu 5, the Center is 5. If you guard someone close, they gotta get ridda the ball in 5 seconds. Baseball, it's the 3rd baseman who is 5. Hockey, major penalty 5 minutes. Little kids, on a trip of 3 hours, asking every 5 minutes "How much longer?" Deep breath, delay response 5 seconds, then tell em.
On the landline (remember those?) the 5 key on the tele is associated with the letters J, K & L. Most manual transmissions have 5 gears.
Interesting (to me anyways) thing happened this morning. Roughly 5 days a week, I swing thru Mickey D's, order the same ole same ole thing (OK damnit, count the calories, a Sausage Biscuit and a Sausage McMuffin, and a water.) "That'll be $2.71 sir." I roll to the window. One lady once told me "I recognize your voice now." Anyways, twas some dude this time, never seen him before. Handed him a $10, he gave me back $2 and the change, thus, he SHORTED me $5. Trying not to be the stereotypical grumpy old man, I immediately honked my horn, held the change and the receipt up, stared frantically. Hey, $5 is $5. Could not gain his attention, but lady who said she recognized my voice that one day, came to the window - I explained to her I was shorted $5. Quizzically, she pivoted to try to eyeball her manager. Manager lady came to the window, said something to new guy I'd never seen, he shook his head "NO".. she then punched something into the computer, then familiar lady came to the window and said "Would you mind pulling up into the reserved spot, she's going to count the drawer."
I thought this was pretty goofy, then I wondered what I woulda done had I been the manager. I am certain some people do this purposely so they'll have enough for a small flask of whiskey, but I hope I look honest, they know I come there all the time, yada.
So...I pull up. In my best 'don't be the stereotypical grumpy old fart' I practiced my defense on what to say if they come saying, "nope, drawer checked out, sorry." I would say, "I've lived in this darn (damn) town since 1952, I come to this darn (damn) Mickey D's 5 times a week, that's a lotta revenue, and you're going to wish (piss) it all away if you don't gimme my 5 dollars!" I'd already taken my blood pressure meds, but I was curious what it was at that point.
So............. I sit with my water, awaiting lady to walk up, bring my me biscuits AND $5, I would get outta their hair. Or, for the tussle we were gonna have should she say "Nope, sorry."
"You were right sir, the drawer was $5 long." Without saying "I knew that" I thought to myself "I knew that." She handed me the proper change, which included the $5 in question. She then walked away. In my sweetest, kindest, non-stereotypical old grumpy fart, sweet voice, I hollered out the window "HEY, what about my food?"
She came back, grabbed the ticket, soon fetched me the biscuits. Again, I don't know what I'da done had I been the manager. What struck me as weird, it took at least 7 or 8 minutes for them to count the drawer. As they did this, traffic in the drive thru lane was at a screeching halt. They had probably 5 other cash registers in there, but nope, this is the only one (I guess) they could use for the drive thru. I'm thinking, "those people in line are probably PO'ed... I'm kinda sorta getting thataway, I think if I were the manager I mighta simply dug $5 outta the drawer, taken the customer's word for it, apologized and kept the line flowing. I'm really not the stereotypical grumpy old fart, but I do remember practicing my "I'M NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN" line had they not given me my 5 dolla's.
I gotta go. Library only gives ya 60 (5 times 12) minutes. I only got 5 left. I still gotta click save, then check my damn spelling.
Five finger discount. Five o-clock shadow. Five, six, pickup sticks. FIVE GOLDEN RINGS. Times up, I'll have this posted in 5.
Love, Victurd
Five, to me, is interesting. High Five. Hawaii 5 Oh... Fab 5.
There be 5 appendages on a starfish. Ditto, on our appendages. Cept', one time, no not band camp, one time, fraternity house. We always had a Haunted House for Halloween. We usually charged admission and pinpointed some charity, like Goodwill, the Red Cross, or a keg of Olympia. One of our fraternity brothers, he, 6'6" tall, and with proper suit, shoulder pads, looked just like Herman Munster. Anyways, it was dark in the room where he was posted. He held a flashlight, and one by one as the kids would walk by, he'd shine the flashlight on his face, say "Count the toes", then shine the flashlight on his feet, and yep, NOT 5, but 6 toes on each foot. I'm sure there's a name for that, but I ain't got 5 minutes to dig for it. Anyways, the kids would scream and head for another room.
It's been like 5 months since I've blogged. My puter is sick. Will get to it one day, just as soon as I go on a diet and quit smoking. So, I be at Library. Gotta new card. I haven't been here in like 5 times 5 years. Last time I was here, I remember owing $2.17 on past dues. I figured, when I told 'em my name, got a new card, there'd be like $5 in interest added to the $2.17 I'd have to pay. Nope. All old records wiped out, life is good, party on.
So...logged on with my library card number (which does have a 5 in it).. Then, I guess because they were worried I was a robot, they had to text me a 5 digit number for me to then enter, so I can use the puter for 5 (times 12) minutes. While I was typing all that crap, Cricket texted me notifying they'd automatically withdrawn $50 for my bill. It usedta be $45. Every month, roughly 5 days before time to pay bill, phone would get slow as molasses. Finally called 'em, said "what gives?" They said something about bites, and I didn't have enough.. when I reached so-and-so bites, it would be slow. I asked "Well how much for unlimited?" $5 extra. See? 5's allover the damn place.
Five Man Electrical Band... Maroon 5.. The 5th Dimension.. The Dave Clark Five.. A perfect 5th is the most consonant harmony, and is the basis for most western tuning systems. Wiki told me that, I ain't got no idea what it means.
Five second rule on food on the floor. High Five, today, replaced by the fist bump. Wonder what'll be popular in 5 years?
Church's Fried Chicken. I know I've told this story, probably 5 times before - so apologies. Virtually daily, when I was working, I'd go to lunch and buy the same ole same ole meal from Church's. Cheerful guy with Spanish accent on the order speaker thingy, each time would lemme know the amount... "Faiy-oh-five." I giggled to myself silently each and every time he did this, cause it made me wonder why he could say the second 5, but not the first one.. ($5.05) like "Five-Oh-Five." Been about 5 years since I've been to that Church's.
The Olympics, symbolized by 5 interlocked rings. Basketball, 5 on 5. In the numbering of players, 1 thu 5, the Center is 5. If you guard someone close, they gotta get ridda the ball in 5 seconds. Baseball, it's the 3rd baseman who is 5. Hockey, major penalty 5 minutes. Little kids, on a trip of 3 hours, asking every 5 minutes "How much longer?" Deep breath, delay response 5 seconds, then tell em.
On the landline (remember those?) the 5 key on the tele is associated with the letters J, K & L. Most manual transmissions have 5 gears.
Interesting (to me anyways) thing happened this morning. Roughly 5 days a week, I swing thru Mickey D's, order the same ole same ole thing (OK damnit, count the calories, a Sausage Biscuit and a Sausage McMuffin, and a water.) "That'll be $2.71 sir." I roll to the window. One lady once told me "I recognize your voice now." Anyways, twas some dude this time, never seen him before. Handed him a $10, he gave me back $2 and the change, thus, he SHORTED me $5. Trying not to be the stereotypical grumpy old man, I immediately honked my horn, held the change and the receipt up, stared frantically. Hey, $5 is $5. Could not gain his attention, but lady who said she recognized my voice that one day, came to the window - I explained to her I was shorted $5. Quizzically, she pivoted to try to eyeball her manager. Manager lady came to the window, said something to new guy I'd never seen, he shook his head "NO".. she then punched something into the computer, then familiar lady came to the window and said "Would you mind pulling up into the reserved spot, she's going to count the drawer."
I thought this was pretty goofy, then I wondered what I woulda done had I been the manager. I am certain some people do this purposely so they'll have enough for a small flask of whiskey, but I hope I look honest, they know I come there all the time, yada.
So...I pull up. In my best 'don't be the stereotypical grumpy old fart' I practiced my defense on what to say if they come saying, "nope, drawer checked out, sorry." I would say, "I've lived in this darn (damn) town since 1952, I come to this darn (damn) Mickey D's 5 times a week, that's a lotta revenue, and you're going to wish (piss) it all away if you don't gimme my 5 dollars!" I'd already taken my blood pressure meds, but I was curious what it was at that point.
So............. I sit with my water, awaiting lady to walk up, bring my me biscuits AND $5, I would get outta their hair. Or, for the tussle we were gonna have should she say "Nope, sorry."
"You were right sir, the drawer was $5 long." Without saying "I knew that" I thought to myself "I knew that." She handed me the proper change, which included the $5 in question. She then walked away. In my sweetest, kindest, non-stereotypical old grumpy fart, sweet voice, I hollered out the window "HEY, what about my food?"
She came back, grabbed the ticket, soon fetched me the biscuits. Again, I don't know what I'da done had I been the manager. What struck me as weird, it took at least 7 or 8 minutes for them to count the drawer. As they did this, traffic in the drive thru lane was at a screeching halt. They had probably 5 other cash registers in there, but nope, this is the only one (I guess) they could use for the drive thru. I'm thinking, "those people in line are probably PO'ed... I'm kinda sorta getting thataway, I think if I were the manager I mighta simply dug $5 outta the drawer, taken the customer's word for it, apologized and kept the line flowing. I'm really not the stereotypical grumpy old fart, but I do remember practicing my "I'M NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN" line had they not given me my 5 dolla's.
I gotta go. Library only gives ya 60 (5 times 12) minutes. I only got 5 left. I still gotta click save, then check my damn spelling.
Five finger discount. Five o-clock shadow. Five, six, pickup sticks. FIVE GOLDEN RINGS. Times up, I'll have this posted in 5.
Love, Victurd
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)