hAyseeds

We here in the Midwest – those of us that are maybe missing a tooth or two, have seen a hay bale, and are aware the Feed Store and the Piggly Wiggly ain’t one in the same – oft times add an “a” to our words. We’re basically laid back, ain’t in no big hurry – but, again, at times we add those “a’s”, thus, skipping a letter or two in haste to simply get it said.

Gonna. I’m gonna do that tomorrow. Frank? You gonna mow the yard? Gonna later, I woulda last night but ma’ back ached a bit.

Woulda is anothern. If that’d been me, I woulda whacked him. I woulda turned in my homework but mom couldn’t find ma’ backpack. You shoulda looked for it yourself.

Shoulda. Midwestern for “If I’d known then what I know now”. I shoulda never married her/him. I shoulda done what Mr. Brady said and started my 401K b’fore I lost any teeth. I shoulda paid more ‘tention in school. This here GPS is messed up, we shoulda been there by now.

Canya. Canya loan me a quarter? Canya take me to…….. watch my kid…… grab me a loafa bread… believe that?

Downta……. I’m going downta the store. I’m going downta the tractor pull. I’m going downta the basement. (Ouch, shoulda fixed that step. I woulda if I hadn’t wrenched ma’ back.. Gonna fix it tomorrow). I mighta been ok had I fixed it.

Mighta. I mighta just met ma’ 4th wife. If I’da known then what I know now, I too mighta been able to afford onea them big F-3 fitties.

Onea. Onea y’all ain’t listenin.’ Onea ya did it, come on, fess up. Onea these days. Onea these days I planta.

Planta is kinda like gonna. Now Hazel don’t be upset, I planta fix that table leg soooon. I’da done it last night by my arthritis was actin’ up.

I’da, not to be confused with the cashier Ida at the Piggly Wiggly. I’da fixed my car ma’self had I known how much the shop was gonna charge me. I’da never guessed that. I’da never voted for that Brackabama had’a known, you gotta believe me.

Gotta. I gotta new car. On vacation back when we were termites, we'd tell dad "I gotta go I gotta go I gotta go to Conoco."

From the land of butthurt, hayseeds, twerkin’, rubes, bumkins and yokels: Have a happy day… wouldya?

Love, Victurd