Lane change………

As I drive to work – I’m a true wuss. Not even JJ Watt himself could unhinge my paws off the steering wheel. Nervous, I reckon. Old, too. I have noted, most traffic incidents are due to lane changes.

Almost saw a “good one” this morning. Three lane highway, cement truck in far right lane.. Speeding car in far left lane. Each, decided at same time “wouldn’t it be nice to be in the Center lane.” Thankfully, each saw the other at the same time – swerved back, shimmied – and there were no cars in their path back, thank God. Not always the case.

Day before. Made it into the big city where there lay (overturned) a U-Haul trailer being towed by a pickup. He’d tried to change lanes whilst going around a corner, the trailer had other idea, and now – as you drive past, it said lnɐɥ-n.

Rain, snow, nighttime for us old farts. There ain’t no seein’ lane change, so, ‘wooo-hoooo!’, we probably change lanes all the time and never know it!

Head-ons. Yuck. Disastrous lane changes. Who knows why… alcohol, health reasons, texting, inattention, yada.. never fun..

Listening to talk radio yesterday (mebbe THE best thing ever for me, my AM went out on my car, forcing me to listen to something besides sports).. they were talking about fat bias. Dude that worked at station, admittedly large, didn’t mind the bias, admitted it happens – but his take was “it’s more non-beauty bias.”

Continued to spiel about being at Wally World, ready to checkout – and even though lane #13 was longer, he ‘lane changed’ from #12 to where the checker was a beautiful person. Nomme. I damn near count items in checker-outers I might be behind, and I ‘lane change’ to the line that will get me out the damn door the faster.. checker with or without teeth, it no matter to me.

Radical Islamist, certainly a lane change somewhere there along the way. Transgendered, lane change? Perhaps, but most would say “I was in that lane all along.”

Many marriages, they have this lane of grass.. usually enclosed by some means, certainly measured by the taxation folks. Nearby on the other side of the fence, is another ‘lane’. Some take look on other side, then look back on their side. Do so again. Many stay in their lane, but some choose the (perceived) titillation of “if I lane change here, the grass appears to be greener.” If children involved, they obviously will have to continue changing North/South or East/West lanes – whilst either parent drives their own certain direction. Just my opine, selfish. Till death do us part, or, I might decide to make a lane change.

Religious zealot. Many/most have changed lanes……. Now on a full-speed-ahead path, but, attempt to force others who are not willing to change lanes. Interesting traffic, to say the least.

Bernie says – if he doesn’t make it – folks going to make a lane change to Trump. Eh, perhaps so. It’s been an interesting year.. Seems we’re either gonna get a female, or a male that’s never been in office – a definite lane change either way.

Instead of writing, thinking, talking on and on (and on).. gonna make lane change today and keep it short. I believe I kinda keep my convictions, thoughts, beliefs in the same lane – but too, am open to listen to any/all opines. I mean, hell, just the other day, age 63, I tried my first broccoli. Ya know what? It twerent bad!

Happy driving.. keep your eyes (and your mind) open. Love, Victurd

They're coming to take me away........... ha ha...

Hi, my name is Victurd and… I’m going nuts. You see, I no comprende human behavior. I walky down hall at work. I meet approaching coworker, eye to eye, 12’ apart. Offer: “Hi!”…… and… and…. Crickets. WHYINTHEHELL is it so hard for some folks to muster a return salutation, or hell, even get a little neck exercise and nod back…… They, them human behavior experts, offer “eh, don’t worry, people are different.” Duh. It still drives me nuts.

And They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time, and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to take me away ha ha

I telephoney vendor at work, give my 47 second spiel on my specific need… then I hear “Just a moment” AND IM TRANSFERRED… The hell? I gotta do that crap allover again? WHATTHEHELL IS YOUR JOB? I want an “all you have to do is simply answer the phone” job. This is happening with more and more frequency. I see Nurse Ratched in my near future.

You thought it was joke and so you laughed, you laughed when I had said that losing you would make me flip my lid, right? You know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed, you laughed and laughed and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad.

People… people who need people.. NO THAT’S NOT THE RIGHT SONG DAMNIT! Another one. All I want is one Gosh Darn McChicken (ketchup and pickles only) and a cup of water. I speaky that. I hear “I’m sorry, could you repeat that please?” I stay calm but wanna holler “PUT YOUR GOSH DARN PHONE DOWN, YOU CAN READ NOAH’S TEXT LATER. I’M GONNA ORDER AGAIN, WILL YOU BE LISTENING YOU LITTLE SNOTNOSE?”

And they're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes, They're coming to take me away ha ha...

OLD PEOPLE. VICTOR! You’re an OLD PERSON. I know I know, but…. At Wallyworld, or PigglyWiggly, or CVS, Wallgreen, Lowes, Hope Depot, WHEREVER: Old people pay. And they talk. They no move. They no worry about me (and 12 others behind them) holding a bag of dirt, or four prescriptions, or a case of oil. I sometimes wish my eyes were mildly hot lasers.. so I could buzz/shock some sense into folks. Remind me (soon): Pay, then get the hell outta the way, fast.

I cooked your food, I cleaned your house, and this is how you paid me back for all my kind unselfish loving deeds. Huh? Well you just wait they'll find you yet, and when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA you mangy mutt.

I with friend. Really good friend. I ask question. They no answer, no comment. Two bits, four bits, six bits a cactus, I ask questions just for practice. Life, as I age, is changing from “no reaction whatsoever” to “Are you a lunatic, can you not hear me? How can you be so damn insensitive?”

People, people who need people... GOSHDARNIT NOT THAT ONE!!…..

And They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
To the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice men in their clean white coats. They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle thier thumbs and toes. They're coming to take me away Ha Ha Ha

This much I have figured out. People are different. I am too, we all are. I’ve figured out, there’s no figuring out. If I don’t go crazy first – maybe I can take that approach: Hey, this is unique, I’m gonna ask this.. and let’s see what this person says… and that person… (if they say anything).. maybe they’ll transfer my question to a friend? Maybe they’ll say “can you repeat that please?.” This could be fun!

And They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
To the loony bin with all you can eat perscription drugs like thorizine, and lithium, and electric shock and insulin. They're coming to take me away Ha Ha

People… people who understand people.. are the luckiest people in the world. Call me weird, call me crazy I don’t care. I scratch my head sometimes – but, then I know I’m different too… so it’s all good.

“Hi Nurse, how’s your day?”…………….. Love, Victurd

Lightning bugs, 2 lane highways, fill her up – ethyl…..

To say “a simpler time” might be misleading. I guess you could look at it as exercise to get up and turn the TV channel.. walk to the the den to grab the “EFG” encyclopedia…

Was driving out in the country to play golf.. 2 lane highway, 45 MPH, curves – hills – aplenty. How did we do it? Did we go pee a bit when a semi approached from the distance? Howinthehell did we ever get a left front tire changed? Motorist’s assist? HA! The hell would they park?

Passing could lead to a coronary.. having a tailgater is why we smoked.. and ashed out the wing, remember those? What kid today knows the true meaning of “roll up the window”? The hell is an inner tube?

TV’s with tubes? Mercurochrome cured everything and a butter knife down the back stopped nosebleeds.. I remember the 10:30pm Johnny Carson show was a family ritual.. Rare is the night my eyes are still open at 10:30pm… VHF/UHF? Test patterns?

Baseball was by radio – unless you were fortunate enough to be on the Game of the Week (seems to me it was always either the Yankees or the Dodgers.. ) Dirt was hidden in shag carpet, waterbeds were the bomb (until they burst, or, the heater went on the fritz.

Sleeping on sheets dried on the clothesline, yum! Fried chicken straight from the chicken coop – “Oh Granny, you didn’t?”..

We worked our fine motor skills turning/tuning the radio dial.. We caught (and saved in jars) lightning bugs.. WHY? A trip to the grocery store with pop bottles in a wagon yielded an ice cream cone, two packs of baseball cards and a wax bottle – remember those?

We walked to school by ourselves, or, with the neighbor who was 4 years older, or 3 years younger.. and mom’s only fear was “look both ways when crossing”….

Ya knew what year virtually any car was, and model change was a HUGE event. The phone cord stretched from the kitchen to the dining room – and we’d never heard of the ‘five second rule’ should an orange slice make its way to the floor.

Dogs helped wash dishes and somehow we survived. Playing an album was awesome – until your younger brother did a handspring and landed two feet from the record player, ruining the album forever..

Police were respected.. By teachers we were directed.. Our parents backed the principal.. I don’t ever recall “a problem” with an adult leading/working with little leagers, cub scouts, girl scouts and the like.

Who knows what ‘antiquated’ lifestyles children of today will write about 50-60 years from how.. This much I know – I’m glad I saw it, lived it, loved it – and I will hopefully take that same fervor into tomorrow – the Good Lord willing.

May your day be keen, swell, groovy, The Most. Don’t pop the clutch, dig? Right on, let it all hang out (that’s gnarly).. keep on truckin’.. don’t be a square… peace out. Love, Victurd.