Are you OK?

Visiting recently with a lifelong friend.. he'd been visiting with another of our lifelong friends.. she'd asked "Is Vic Schultze ok?"

In response, and in counting on the same question being asked of you........

Yes, I'm ok. You??

I'm much better than the guy on the motorcycle that perished on the Kit Bond Bridge this morning. I'm much better than the guy on I-35 in rush hour tonight, had car trouble... got his vehicle to the side of the road, only to be obliterated to heaven by a passing 53-wheeler.

I'm much better than my 94 year old aunt, bless her, whose pacemaker recently quit working.. and in her hell bent way, hours after the surgery, shoo'ed everyone so she could STAND UP and walk to the restroom.

I'm better than Vince Young and Terrell Owens, victims today of "the Turk" (ie, cut by NFL teams.)

Being almost 60, do I have a wonderful retirement, the same lady holding hands for almost 40 years - no, but I'm ok. If you are in this group, consider yourself blessed - but it's not the norm.

What exactly is OK? Is it David Glass, owner of the Royals who makes 8 digit profit (that's tens of millions) annually, but produces a team that finishes at the bottom every year? My only comment is, I do sleep well at night.

Again, OK is relative.. A) the commissioned sale's rep who made a sale representing six months pay in one transaction..? "B" (kinda sorta).. the high school kid whose folks wouldn't allow him to go to Prom because he'd just gotten a B- on his grade card? C) Your average Joe, making it thru another day.. D).. The father of the family of 8 whose van just shot craps.. F).. The person on the receiving end of the doctor's verbiage "you've got Stage 4 cancer."

Walking/living. We all do that. We, mostly, hide A/B/C/D/F well. Oh sure, if it's folks, relatives/loved ones we're around tons, we/they can tell. Most can't. Most (I think) mask "no, I'm not so Ok" very well. Within that masking, I gain confidence in the fact they aren't spilling the beans, whining, complaining, finger-pointing, spouting "why me?"...

I admire those you simply can't tell. I admire those who have the internal courage to say "yes, perhaps life is dealing me a blow, but I CAN/WILL take it." I admire those who know good comes after bad. I admire those who know, "Some days, weeks, months, years, are just gonna be crappy - I'll make it through."

I am admittedly happy, someone inquired as to "are you ok?"... Concern is a wonderful trait.

I genuinely hope you are OK. I genuinely understand and appreciate the things you've been thru, made it thru, are making it thru, to arrive upon that determination.

I hate (kinda sorta) going back here - but life likens the Mole Game at Chucky Cheese. Shit (sorry Don/Louise) happens in life, continually pops up - and we have a choice to melt, give up, end our lives, or.......... grab that damn mallet and say "I am/will be OK, take that, you little mole bastard!"

Are you ok, doesn't involve divulging "on a scale of 1 to 10"... Meeting the eyeballs of the asker, choosing to smile, replying "yes, I'm ok" lends that one is much closer to 10 than 1.

It's my bet even Michelangelo could have cared less about "that perfect canvas"... and that he had moments he simply wanted to take his brush, dip it in the paint and FLICK it as hard as he could at the easel.

Victor, you typed, a whole lot... maybe too much.. as usual.. but are you Ok?

My pat answer recently has been "yes, but do you know any single/divorced/blonde/rich fitty-two year old females?.. And in all seriousness, yes, I'm fine, and I truly am thankful you asked.

I hope all of you are Ok as well.

Love, Victurd

Chances are....

Chances are cause I wear a silly grin
The moment you come into view
Chances are you think that I'm in love with you

I love the word "Are"... Try looking the definition up online, I believe you'll be truly as confused as me - ceptin' we each know it's usage... when to.... why too...

Just because my composure sort of slips
The moment that your lips meet mine
Chances are you think my heart's your Valentine

Are you lonesome tonight (song for another day)

How are you? (Do we MEAN it? Idle chit chat? "Mandatory" cause we crossed paths and we threw on that "You'rea pickin' and I'ma grinnin' face?.. or do, we REALLY REALLY care about how they are?..)

In the magic of moonlight
When I sigh, "Hold me close, dear"
Chances are you believe the stars
That fill the skies are in my eyes

Are you sure? (We spout when given a gift, something unexpected... something we are damn leery of, but they're the boss - so we seek fortification)

Are you kidding? (We know this person, they've "got us" before... something incredulous, unbelieveable.. and perhaps excitement mode, jubilation to follow)

Guess you feel you'll always be
The one and only one for me
And if you think you could
Well, chances are your chances are awfully good

"My lips are sealed".... (Wait till I logon to FB... go on break with my coworkers.. logon to that http, the slashes, hotmail/yahoo/gmail... secrets are hard to keep.. there's that damn 'are' word again.)

Chances are you believe the stars
That fill the skies are in my eyes

My hands are tied.
Whose side are you on?
Battle lines are drawn.
Until you are blue in the face.
The lights are out but no one is at home.
Soneone's eyes are bigger than their stomach.
The way things are going.
Usedta couldn't spell supervisor, now I are one.

Guess you feel you'll always be
The one and only one for me
And if you think you could
Well, chances are your chances are awfully good

Are you sure? Are you lonesome tonight? Are you ready for
some football? Are you friggin' nuts? Ever eat a pine tree? Some
parts ARE edible,

The chances are your chances are awfully good.

We use "are" a lot. It's a key to unlock minds. "Are" is a psychological
ploy wanting to make sure folks "think it over"... Whatever it is they ARE about to do. Have done. ARE gonna.

I are proud to be an American, God Bless the USA.

Victor, you haven't blogged in awhile, but ARE you sure you wanna hit 'send" on this one?

I are. Love, Victurd

Let it all hang out.....

A preachment, dear friend
You are about to receive on John Barleycorn
Nicotine and the temptations of Eve

Repeating, I write to me, for me, hitchhikers welcome.

It's weird, when I get in down moods, or up moods, the end is always the same. I try to think back, from today, last week, last year, twenty years ago, life as a kid on things that made me happy. Therapeutic it is.

No parkin' by the sewer sign
Hot dog, my razors broke
Water drippin' up the spout
But I don't care, let it all hang out

Rough day at the office? Minor fender bender? More bills than bank? Someone say
something that really stung?

I close my eyes and see good. I remember my childhood, and the great times within. I remember my nuclear family, remembering them vividly, but only wishing I'd paid even greater attention as they all checked out too GD (gosh darn) early.

I see parts/behaviors/actions/physical things in me, that somehow kinda keeps them alive. And then I don't feel so down. In fact, I get elated when something transpires and I JUST KNOW what my sister's, mother's, father's reaction woulda been, and it usually includes a smile.

Hangin' from a pine tree by my knees
Sun is shinin' through the shade
Nobody knows what its all about
It's too much, man, let it all hang out

Work has really gotten me down of late, and perhaps erroneously. We can't keep up. I've had one day off since April, and stupidly feel sorry for myself. Ya know what Victor? There are MANY sitting at home, no job, maybe a job, but, to the tune of 8, 16, 24 hours a week. You're a lucky bastard. Think, remember: good.

Saw a man walkin' upside down
My T.V.s on the blink
Made Galileo look like a Boy Scout
Sorry 'bout that, let it all hang out

We look for life's imperfections, and as we do we fly right by what's so good about life. We bemoan co-workers, have to's, work load, traffic, incoming calls "whoinththell is this", waiting in lines.. we all have the tendency to focus on the crap, when we're virtually always surrounded by the good, and I forget that OFTEN.

Sleep all day, drive all night
Brain my numb, can't stop now
For sure ain't no doubt
Keep an open mind, let it all hang out

Simple maybe, but every restful moment, I am going to try to pretend I'm in a reclining chair, and visualize yesterday. Sanford and I driving to Shakey's. Clay, Mouse TLG and I playing Indian ball at the City Park. Yes, even fond moments of whatshername #1 and whatshername #2, hell, that was 60% of my life, and happy
to report, 99% of that was very good.

It's rainin' inside a big brown moon
How does that mess you baby up, leg
Eatin' a Reuben sandwich with sauerkraut
Don't stop now, baby, let it all hang out

An accomplished baseball player gets a hit three times out of ten. If only we could remember that as life flies by us.

Let it all hang out
Let it all hang out
Let it all hang out

The bad, yucky, ucky, patooie surfaces to our forefront. Squash them thoughts. Remember, visualize, SEE... GOOD. There's lots of it to go round.

Let it all hang out. Victor, you write too much. Don't care, let it all hang out.

Love, Victurd

Hurt

If you're so attuned to listen/read......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l95D7leeU3w

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

Needle = thoughts... yesterday.. knives (words) into the 'wooden fence' that forever leave a scar..

the times getting let down... the times of isolation when inspiration/occupation was so badly needed... The self-scorn, our ego's biggest deflator..

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

Everyone ultimately goes away... some way sooner than we'd like, some, circumstances not so desired.. some by choice, some by locale, some by occupation, some, by life simply passing/fleeting..

And I would never make you hurt....... with intent...

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

Words said, action's done... "Message sent" to put in 2012 perspective.. No repair.. No stopping words, emails, looks, actions, behaviors.. People change... we change.. I've changed.. Perspective changes.. age changes us..

situations change us.. "If I'd'a known then what I know now"...

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

What have I become.. good question. Sometimes I don't know... Sometimes I am my own worst enemy,

other times it's like "you're messed up, look at what's right with me".. Lost, kinda.

Empire of dirt = apartment 68, Cherokee Village, Liberty, Mo. It ain't much, but it's me, and doesn't take much to make me happy as far as an abode. Again, no, Johny/Nine Inch, I won't make you hurt,

leastwise, not on purpose.

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

I'm not sure I could/would start again. Uh huh, I'd for sure like to get a base hit in old fart softball and not have to yield to "he's an old fart, we're gonna use a designated runner"... but not sure I'd go back.

Blessed it's been. Not perfect, but blessed. Way more fortunate than many, I know. Hurt comes to all.

I hurt myself today........ to see if I still feel..

Love, Victurd (and I do...... still feel)