The innies hated the outties. The feeling was mutual. Whilst they lived on streets, avenues, drives, circles, parkways, lanes, terraces, courts, yada - next to one another, it was for sure the TV's were turned to their corresponding rallying cry station.. Their Facebook pages were like when you tried to put two 'like' poles of a magnet together and they'd automatically social distance.
This is an age old problem. The innies organized a march, the outties lined the exterior with posters touting their side, and rumor had it one or two even spat on the other.
The outties had their march and in spitea innie leaders spouting "let's be better, be cool", the innies too lined the streets, spat, held up namecalling signs. Fruitless.
On the East Coast, there was a big hole and the innies attempted to, shovel by shovel, fill the hole up. Outties brought their own damn shovels, just as soon as a spade of dirt from the innies landed, an outtie shovel scooped it and tossed it back out.
On the West Coast, just the opposite. I might have 'em backwards, but you get the drift. We weren't quite going to hell in a basket, but the basket was pretty much rendered useless what with it filling, emptying, repeat, rinse, wash, etc. Never ending story.
We, the innnies and the outties, sat amongst each other rooting #15, Andy, Travis, Tyreek, yada and it was cool cause no one mentioned the cause, ideas, beliefs of innies or outties.
You'd go to the Piggly Wiggly, and unless one had on onea them midriff exposing tops, ya just didn't know. Cause if you did know, you'd stand next to the 'ten items only' lane and count them bastards and bitch and moan if an innie (or an outtie) had one too many in their cart. Innies are like that. Outties too.
You'd walk down the directional arrow of the aisle, and if you had no idea of the belly-aching-innie-outtie approaching you from the wrong direction - you'd smile and carry on. Cause if you did know, it'd lead to fisticufss, or best case, a verbal mudsling.
Funny these innies and these outties. The each had/have children they adore. They gather for Holidays. They even loan out tools, tillers...a cup of sugar.. yeah, all that, to neighbors. It was like they didn't know, innievisible so to speak, kinda outtielandish eh?
They'd even loan out their comealong, but put on that one hat or t-shirt spouting about the beloved innie or outtie, they would never ever getalong with the other.
Driving down the street, ya just didn't know. Watching the 4th of July Fireworks, the oooh and the aaahs of innies and outties sounded just alike. Easter church service. Nope. No mention here, EVER. Why they even ate from the trays of innies and outties during pot luck dinners - and notta one of 'em upchucked.
Trains, planes, ships - twere no backflips, no one getting upset. Innies and outties gathered, aside one another. Even carried on baby congenial conversations with one another. Why, I once saw an Innie I know hold the door open for an Outtie they didn't know.
The barber, holding the damn sharpest pair of scissors never knew if he was a clippin' on an innie or an outtie. The service guy repairing the gas leak, he didn't know either. The dentist, he hurt one another just alike but it was because that's what dentists do, not because the patient was and innie or an outtie.
Innies and outties got the same great rates from State Farm. They could each get 5G service from their cell provider. The baker even gives 13 to innies and outties alike. It's a Well I'll be damned world.
Each group has their share of Boomers, Gen X'ers, Millenials and even Gen Z'ers.
It wasn't until 2036, the beginning of "The We Generation" there was wind of change. When the leader of The We Generation became of age, everyone listened. Everyone gathered. In fact, this leader called for a National Day of Gathering.
Outta curiosity, the Innies came, as did the Outties.
From the speaker stand, the leader asked that they take a moment, lift up their shirts, blouses, tops to expose their innie or their outtie. They did. As they did, they proudly did. They also gnarled, snarled, and scowled at their opposite.
Then this leader brought out this really, really bigass mirror. I'm talking bigger than any Jerry Jones scoreboard kinda thing. Folks, innie and outties alike, kinda ooh'ed and aaah'ed with curiosity.
"OK, now".. this leader started to speak.. "I'd like for you each to turn around... take your pants, sweats, shorts, whatever you've got there, and pull them down a tad. Then, I'd like for you to bend over kinda like a center on the football team - and as you do, peer at the mirror, AND, at all the innie, outtie folks gathered here today.
They shook their heads wondering whatinthehell was a goin' on, but they consented, all dropped their drawers, turned aound, got into 'hut 2-3-4' position, peered at all the other innies and outties....
The boomers struggled to stay bent over, many of the millenials already had their pants down most of the way before this ordeal even started. Anywho, they all stared out.
Holding the mike in his hand, the leader said "For years and years, simply due to the fact you're either an innie or an outtie, you've propelled hatred, stalled the progression of our wonderful country - instead preferring to 'get what I want' insteada 'what's overall best for innies and outties alike.'
"I just wanted to point out.." he continued.. "you assholes all look alike to me,"
The boomers took a tad to bend back up, fasten their drawers.. the millenials hiked 'em up mosta the way.. X'ers and Z'ers too. They were ashamed of themselves. All this time, they've really been alike. They thought back to all the times they watched the Chiefs, shopped the Piggly aisles, lent a hand when a neighbor needed it.. loaned.. borrowed.. gathered, prayed.
Things started changing. Those two giant TV stations merged, and the news was preceeded by Lawrence Welk music. The New York Times and The New York Daily News merged as well.
Innies turned to outties. Outties turned to innies. "Peace be with you." Thank goodness for Generation We.
Thank goodness for their leader.
"Ask not, what the Country can do for your front...but what your butt can do for the Country."
Amen Brother Ben, put another nickel in, in the nickelodean.
Love Victurd.
