Thursday, January 29, 2009

The more things change…..

Dayum cold. Sumbitch happens every winter. On the phone with company in Houston, TX. Bitching about temps in fitties. Reckon it’s where u are and what ur used to.

Life/MU fan. Ups/downs. Kinda like the average boxer – every once in awhile get some good licks in – then whammo, flat on the canvas.

Death. Our company surrounded by death this week. One’s mother.. a sister… an aunt.. Every moment our eyes are open is special.

Dating. Wonderful and frustrating. Whointhehell is Murphy, and why did he have to makeup that law?

Time. Too fast… not fast enough. Hurry up Spring. It’s my birthday? Again? Already?.. Gosh I had fun last night. Man this house needs a good cleanin’.

Too many fish in the sea.. Plenty of fish.. Reminded of many outings without even a GD nibble. Or “eww, caught one.. now whatinthehell do I do?”…

Layoffs. No overtime. Hiring freezes. Gas creeping back up. Outta business. Bailouts. Not fun times. Bad with the good. Economics. Lifeonomics. Roller coaster.

Happy, what’s happy Victor? U need to spiff this damn thing up…..

Ok… Spring training is around the corner. Puxatony is soon. The robins are packing their bags down South.. It will be mad in March.. Days are growing longer.. Temps will gradually elevate.. Highs higher, lows higher. I might even be able to use my shovel in the yard soon. Gladys Kravats and the City will see to that.

With cold comes warm. With bitching hangs praising. Births happen. Sometimes time does go slow – those moments, times we have great appreciation for. Some dates work. Some businesses even grow in the down economy.

We can be happy in trying times… Whether the ref is raising our hand in victory – or counting us off to ten.. life… it ain’t bad.

The little turds of today – their salutations have transcended from “Good morning, how are you” to “Sup?”.. With “Hello”, “Hi”, “Morning!” “What’s up” somewhere inbetween. Insteada thoughts turning to “u goofy GD gangsta, talk right”… mebbe we should think – hey, they just wanna know what is UP. So mebbe it’s a positive kinda thing. Perhaps their sagging offsets we older gents and the higher our beltlines get over the years. Up/down.

Life. Interesting word. There’s “if” in it. If only we choose. Yeah, I know. There’s lie in there too. File. Elf. I think I’ll pick ‘if’. If only. If the robins would get here. If gas would go down. If “she” would happen. If MU would get it all together. If this new Chief’s coach.. If Puxatony. If is in spiffy too. If only we’d see up (too). Sup? Anything?

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Much ado about nothing……

Nuther onea them days where it feels like - insteada air - walking around in jelly. Lazy. Hazy. Hard to see out. Can’t get much of anywhere, do much of anything - content rather to sit in a big blob. That’s me…. Today.

Been to the gym three times now. Sore as hell. Refereed three games yesterday, even sorer. I want my 20-something, do anything, anytime body back! My legs literally talked to me yesterday. Even weirder, I heard ‘em thru all the jelly!

Working on fence in yard. Pole is in, now, it’s a matter of filling it in with dirt. I’m not talking a small hole, hella big one. The concrete that was around the old pole was like 3 foot by 3 foot by 3 foot. Ever eat a pine tree? Sorry, slipped. Ever dig (or try to) when ground is frozen? That, coupled with ‘jelly’ and age, has me taking all too frequent breaks. Like now. Here. Here I am. Should be digging. Can’t. Frigging sweating and it’s 30-something out.

Victor. This all has sucha negative connotation. Whatsup with that? Well… My body hates me, my dirt hates me, Mike Thompson (weather dude) hates me, my workload hates my age, I usurped cat outta warm chair so I could type, he hates me… and the jelly appears to be STRAWBERRY!… I’m a grape kinda guy!

Yet, I get this weird kinda feeling - something’s ahead. Ain’t sure what, just feel it. Under all this goo, I sense good. Been havin’ deja vu. U ever have that crap? Whew! Weird. Usually when it hits - warmth, in some form - is around the corner.

Could be as little as the temps climbing enough so the soil loosens.. Could be ‘the hurts’ from the initial workout will go away.. Could be my legs actually getting back in some kinda shape so the running doesn’t bug me. Or, maybe it means Elisabeth Shue has left her man and is headed to Liberty, MO. Dunno. I’d take any of the above.

Sundays, for most, are different. Work should be done, yet rest is chosen. Whilst it’s another day off - ya know you can’t stay up till all hours. “Work” is in the backa our mind. Think of clothes for week, gas, money.

Temporarily living in jelly. Chugging down I-435 on a moped. Going up the snowpacked hill with rear wheel drive.

Something totally bizarre, but good, is ahead. In the meantime, I’m either goanna go back out and dull the blade of my shovel on the frozen tundra. Or, I might make a jelly sandwich. (Blankets, me, the jelly, the mattress.)

For us in the Midwest, it’s a different time of year. By now, we’re fed up with the cold, we cuss the friggin robins who are enjoying warm Texas nights, and we know there’s not one GD thing we can do to ‘hurry’ spring.

Such is the cycle of the seasons. Of life. Of past life (DeJa Vu). Something ahead is really really good. Prolly justa robin, but I’d take that. Beats frozen ground. Can you dig it? Love, Victurd.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Planes, trains and automobiles….

The US Air thingy yesterday…. pretty remarkable… In spite of the wonderful job of the Captain – who’s drawing praise from everyone (passengers, FAA, Mayor of NY) I don’t think I’d ever set foot on a plane again…

I remember once – flying into Tampa, about fifteen minutes out there was a pretty darn loud explosion.. First officer immediately came outta the cabin – went past us to inspect the engine on the left side… still flew pretty decent… as we were set to land, we circled.. I pointed down to the ground, told whatshername “you see all those fire trucks lined up?... they’re for us.” (She was perhaps an even bigger wimp than I when flying.) All ended well, normal landing, but for this white-knuckled flyer – that one about did me in.

Trains. I was thinking about the word serendipity. We’ve talked “fun things”, “fun song lyrics”, “fun words.” Liketa add that one to the list. Finding something whenya ain’t looking for something. Serendipity. Hell, it's just fun to say. I’ve not been a prolific dater – but – have found there’s a casino nearby with an antique train car that (to me) is an absolutely wonderful place to meet someone the first time.. (yes, talking the internet thing.) It’s quiet, it’s quaint, it’s remarkably decorated – it’s a ‘period piece’ – and it’s near all kindsa activities.

But… it ain’t been serendipitous – in spite of quite a few second, third, twelth dates with ones I’ve met there.. I could never find a four leaf clover – but I’ve seen people rollover in the grass and say “hey, LOOK!”.. So, I’ma thinkin’ mebbe the train car ain’t sucha great idea any longer…

Automobiles. I guess I don’t pay attention to the local news/weather enough. GD snowstorm this morning. Huh? It’s snowing? Fortunately, my peepers peeped open three hours before time to be at work – so I slid in waaaay early… absorbed the stares, horns, curses of the (what I call) idiots that blazed past me.. and I made it.

I’m so very thankful for the many years I got to spend in and around airplanes. Seen many a celeb, many a different kinda aircraft (to stand on the ground right next to a 747 one asks “howinthehell can that thing get off the ground?”)… Met so many good buds in working for several different airlines… and even work where I work now due to my airline days – and the suggestion of my hiring by a former fellow airline worker.

Trains. As a kid – we cousins occasionally traveled across Missouri. Twas back in the day when “unaccompanied minor” was not a skeery thing… Jeff City to Independence, MO.. hooking up with cousins, aunts, uncles. Nifty mems…

Cars… gosh, we’ve all got car stories.. hell.. this blog is named after one.. Among mine are: spilling a gallon of orange (yes orange) paint in the back seat of an old Mercury I owned.. my very first car having it’s wiring catch on fire – and I cringed as the Fire Department used this humongous crow bar thing to obliterate the hood – open it, and douse the fire. My that 1961 Chevrolet Biscayne rest in peace…. All the dates, trips, kids with “are we there yet, are we there yet?... Whatshername peeing into a 3 lb coffee can and not spilling a drop as we scooted down I-70..

Planes, trains and automobiles – they move me. As did the movie. Two of my favorites actors – both John’s – checked out way too early. Belushi and Candy. I loved the movie. Grumpy Steve Martin serendipitously found ‘heart’ after he’d finally given John Candy a chance.

Thinka our lives without planes, trains and automobiles. I adore ‘em. They move me, so to speak. So how bout it? A date? We meet in the (GD) train car, drive our automobile to the airport – and fly away forever and ever. Or, mebbe something will appear serendipitously…. I’m the baby, gotta love me. Love, Victurd

Thursday, January 15, 2009

And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson

Jesus loves you more than you will know
(Wo wo wo)
God bless you, please Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey hey hey – hey hey hey)

Wow. It’s been awhile… but… that’s another song, so for another day…

We’d like to know a little bit about you for our files
We’d like to help you learn to help yourself
Look around you, all you see are sympathetic eyes
Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home…

Little bit about me? Old. Tired. Hehe. Actually, I find myself asking the same thing these days. A good/bad thing. Close your ears – I’ve never lived alone. Right now, this very day – I’d like that more than anything in the world. Sure, love the kid – but being single at this age (to me anyways) finds one in the “age 2 to 9” mode of “me, me, me.” And to that I ask “why not?”…

And here’ to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know
(Wo wo wo)
God bless you, please Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey hey hey – hey hey hey)

Prayer. I’m thinkin’ it works. Close relative, surgery to take biopsy of brain yesterday. Intense. Very. Some six hours after a four and one-half hour surgery I heard “Hi Vic.” Prayer works. As do the remarkable hands of doctors.

Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes
It’s a little secret, just the Robinson’s affair
Most of all you’ve got to hide it from the kids…

Eh, not the day to discuss affairs. Understand they happen. Not real sure I endorse that. I’m of the ilk it’s better to say “hey, something’s wrong here” insteada unzipping ones pants.

Coo coo ca choo, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know
(Wo wo wo)
God bless you, please Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(Hey hey hey – hey hey hey)

Please add Coo coo ca choo to the list of fun items. Thanks Paul, Art.

Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon
Going to the candidates’ depate
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you’ve got to choose
Ev’ry way you look at it you lose

Tuesday. Trying to move a shipment around Baltimore Tuesday. “Oh sorry, can’t. All the bridges, interstates will be closed due to the inauguration.” I’ll buy that. Back to prayer. I pray for civility. In a way, racism is like terrorism. Scratch the “in a way” – it IS like terrorism. I pray nothing happens (ever) and that his Kennedy-like invigorism leads our country down the right path. Microsoft tells me invigorism ain’t a word. Should be.

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?
A nation turns its lonely eyes to you
(Woo woo woo)
What’s that you say, Mrs. Robinson
‘Joltin Joe’ has left and gone away?
(Hey hey hey – hey hey hey)

Where’ve I been? Eh, just taking a break. Actually joined the gym again. Victor, that’s so contrite, typical. First of the year, resolution crap. I’ll talk to you in May to see how many times you’ve been there. Eh, prolly right. It’s me. I lead a binge life I spose. Woo woo woo.

Nothing special going on – but in a sense, that makes everything special. I am blessed my eyeballs get to take on, view every day. Not taking for granted the brain in my head that allows me to observe, deduct even if at times slightly askew.

Please, for me. Kiss the mirror. If ya can’t like urself, who canya like? Choose smile over ‘duh’. Touch often, be it by physical, letter or verbal. Suckup each hour, minute – and leave a few to completely immerse yourself in whateverinthehell you wanna… For we all are special….

Love, Victurd.

Friday, January 09, 2009

I'm an ever rolling wheel

Without a destination real
And I'm an ever spinning top
Whirling around 'till I drop

Dating. Weird. Who knows. What’s next. What for? Why not? Eh, mebbe. Mebbe not.

Oh, but what am I to do
My mind is in a whirlpool
Give me a little hope
One small thing to cling to

Just my take. Shoot me if you like. There’s an order. A circle mebbe you could call it.

Us’ns. (Men.).. First and foremost: looks. True. Oink. Color us: Pigs.. Second, personality. This, looking/observing this, comes looooooooong after being completely and totally immersed in a gal’s looks. We (can) become so ‘into’ this, there can be advances made, things said, behaviors done – before we ever take one look at a woman’s personality. Mosta the time, by then, it’s too late.

You got me going in circles
Oh, around and around I go
Going in circles
Oh, around and around I go
I'm strung out over you…

You’ns.. (Women.) “What do you do for a living?”.. Say/think what you want – that’s the numero uno question out there. Then, a quick decision is made. Yay/nay. If nay, patooey, gone, history, no chance. If yay, THEN number two on the ‘waiting list’ is looks. Ok, so he’s got the job – let’s take a look see at him. “Turn around there mister, lemme checkout them Wranglers.”

I'm a faceless clock
With timeless hopes that never stop
When I feel that way
You know my soul's at stake

Third, yes, third, on “The Lady List” is personality. Repeating, men linger in the looks area far too long – women don’t get to the meat of things (his personality) until he’s been $coped over fairly good.

I'm strung out over you( I need you baby)
Uuh, I need (I need you baby)
Call me (I need you baby)
I need baby, my baby, my baby
My baby, my baby girl

Far, far too often – we each look at the shit that ain’t really that important – and get to know the person lastly. Bassackwards. Just my opine, and no, I know the pecking order there ain’t always like that – but more times than not.

It’s got me going in circles. Oh but what am I (we) to do. I'm an ever rolling wheel without a destination real.

Me thinks, it’d be fun to force the first date to be mandated blindfolded. Each. With the question in mind, could I live with this person? Would I get along with this person? Do I enjoy his/her voice? Thoughts? Ideas? Direction? Concern for the world? Love of animals?.. Are there negative connotations?

I’ma thinkin’ many a wonderful heart has been passed by (by men and women alike) for us all focusing on this chit that ain’t quite so important. I do believe I just learned something today. Figured it out? Not “no” but “hells no” – but, perhaps a little closer.

Still…..

It’s got me going in circles….

Love, Victurd

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Waist Management….

This ain’t a good time to write about this. Longabout a year ago, our company had the Biggest Loser contest. I’m sure I’ve boredya before – I won. After three months, $100. And another six months, $200. That’s $14.26 per pound I got paid to lose. Farm out.

Ahem… Now. I’m “back in the saddle again.” Or, halfa that crap has come back… Worse – seems I don’t really givea rats.

Insomnia has seen us all watch the 3am “ab ads”… “Just two payments of $19.95 and you too can look like Jennifer Aniston (or Roger Federer)”…. Enter “snore” here.

I LOVE eating. I LOVE eating (close your ears) crap. Candy. Chocolate. Donuts. Potato Chips. BBQ. Juicy burgers. Pie. The sweeter, the better. Gimme a bun honey, or a honey bun…

In dinosaur days, I was kinda-sorta athletic. You know. You stared at the mirror and a “V” looks back at you. Well. Today. I turn sideways, and see nuttin’ but’ta “D”.. I dunno, mebbe looks more like a small “b”.. or “d”, pendin’ on which way I’ve turned!

Darnit. WAIT! I gotta look good for my woman! I can’t fo’eva and e’er get undressed with the lights out. Uh oh. Forgot I ain’t gotta woman. Would you mind passing me a nuther snickerdoodle? Thanks!..

Crunches. Crunches, to me, are like Amway meetings, Time Share speeches, any Country music radio station, traffic jams, fingernails on chalkboard. You get the idea. I know they work, but I hates ‘em. Usedta do ‘em in sets of ten because I abhorred them so. Haha. Got that all figured out now.. Just don’t do ‘em!

Bellying up to the bar is easy now! Apathy? What apathy? Ok. I do care what I look like. I am concerned with what others think.

At present, however, junk is winning out. The last two weeks of December were simply heavenly for a glutton such as I. We work with companies allover the world, and daily, with the mail would come these marvelous, gummy, gooey, slovenly niceties from this country, that country. I. Me. I, am exactly six steps from the counter where they’re all placed. You can see the path I’ve worn in the carpet back and forth.

Selfish. I’m in the selfish mode. Pardon me. Sometimes life is just about being selfish. As in, “who cares if these 36’s are a little snug? That “300 burger” from the Bowling Alley was THE BEST!.... I’ve been, the biggest winner.

One day, I promise, I’ll get back in the ‘other’ selfish mode. I’ll eat salads and chicken (thank GOODNESS I love chicken) and get back to the weight I was when I was the biggest loser. I’ll renew my membership at the Community Center. Skirt past all the dudes with the rippling muscles. Take my fat ass to the elliptical machine. “Stroll” for 25 minutes or so (yes, probably eyeballing Heidi Homemaker all the while.. Spandex, u gotta love spandex.)..

Then I’ll hit the weight machines. Sore. Next day I’ll be sore. Get up. Do ‘em all again.

I toldya about the time soon after whatshername rode off on the Harley – I’d proudly bought my Community Center membership… Visions of sugar plums and shapely broads as I finished my workout – headed for the Jacuzzi.. There, surely they’d be in their bikinis. Tanned. Taught. Yummy.

Well.. did the first part. Worked out. Stared at Heidi. Hurt. Cursed (under breath.) The DREADED crunches. Whew! A hunnerd. That’s it! No more……………….

The stroll… the stroll to the Jacuzzi. Aha. Fifi will be there. Greta.. Alana.. Oops. It was the Senior Citizen Water Aerobic class just finishing up. I found myself with seven 250 lb+ ladies twenty years my elder. Served me right I spose. Opal. Gerta. Gladys. Damn daddy. Some kinda stimulus package(s)….

I’m taking an abdominal vacation. Presently “who cares.” The ups, downs, in’s/out’s of life. I am the biggest loser, and the biggest winner. Later baby. I found 73 cents in my other coat, I’m headed for the snack machine. Bottoms up! Bellies out. Love, Victurd.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Stolen from CNN......

Love's first blush fading? Lost that loving feeling? Love is not all around?

Scientists have used brain scans to study how long love lasts between couples.

Sick of cliches? Take heart, scientists have discovered that people can have a love that lasts a lifetime.

Using brain scans, researchers at Stony Brook University in New York have discovered a small number of couples respond with as much passion after 20 years together as most people only do during the early throes of romance, Britain's Sunday Times newspaper reported.

The researchers scanned the brains of couples together for 20 years and compared them with results from new lovers, the Sunday Times said.

About 10 percent of the mature couples had the same chemical reactions when shown photographs of their loved ones as those just starting out.

Previous research has suggested that the first stages of romantic love fade within 15 months and after 10 years it has gone completely, the newspaper said.

"The findings go against the traditional view of romance -- that it drops off sharply in the first decade -- but we are sure it's real," said Arthur Aron, a psychologist at Stony Brook, told the Sunday Times.

The problem is all inside your head

She said to me
The answer is easy if you
Take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle
To be free
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover

Weird. Till death do us part. To many, having said that affords a near lifetime of misery. To others, it’s only a part of “The Big Day”, traditional, might as well say it. How I feel now, could change tomorrow, next year, later this evening.

Run inta many that stayed “for the kids”… “because I value(d) my word, my vows”… “I thought he/she would change.”… “He fooled around on me in year two, my 25 year marriage shoulda been a 2 year marriage”…

She said it's really not my habit
To intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning
Won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

Marilyn, don’t be gnarly, just hop on that Harley…

Don’t be a snail, Gayle, and send that email…

Grab some boxes, move back in with mom, Tom.

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Ya just never know ya know?… Interesting this is written by Paul Simon who also wrote “Sounds of Silence.”… Victor.. Don’t tell me you just did the silence thing didya? Please don’t shoot me… she knew it was over.. I couldn’t step up to the plate and say “I just don’t feel it any longer.” You stop all the schtick, Vic..

She said it grieves me so
To see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do
To make you smile again
I said I appreciate that
And would you please explain
About the fifty ways

Wow have we seen the ways. Buddy’a mine, his wife left him with five kids for her female lover. Just find a new ho, Jo…….. Physical abuse. God Bless those women. Seen it all too frequently. With the exception of child molestation, this is even lower than white whale shit at the deepest part of the ocean. Just leave before the kill, Jill…. Neglect. Why we lose interest gets me. But, seen, heard that too… Just run from the apathy, Cathy…

She said why don't we both
Just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning
You'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me
And I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover……..

Mebbe, just mebbe, if we give everything more thought, breakups wouldn’t happen so frequently. Frienda mine abides by the “6 month rule” as in, “we don’t get naked for 6 months.”.. Uh huh, should be a plan.. (But, in six months, what if that dude’s belly is revolting once I finally see it? Ya just run from the flab, Bab)…

Seriously, how does one know? We don’t.. There’s no possible way to “absolutely make sure”… Nada, none. People change. People marry for the ceremony, the pomp, the stage. People marry because they’re receiving attention like they’ve never received it before - then it wears off.. People think they’re in love when it’s lust.

50 states to leave your lover… just leave with your pal, Cal… walk out the door, what the hell Del… Just get up and go Flo.. Just hold back the kiss, Miss.. Just turn the car key on, Conn.. Just hide in the den Ken.. Just go, don’t be contrary,Mary..

We join our lovers too soon.. We leave our lovers too easily.. Or, overstay our stay.. The leavin’s never fun… Is there ever perfection? Nah, but we’ve all seen many who do quite well thank you very much… So it is possible.. And if one finds it ain’t working? 50 ways to leave your lover…

Ya just fly like a bird, Turd… I’m the baby, gotta love me, love Victurd..

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Questions……

Wouldn’t life be cool, topsy-turvy, bassackwards, weird, interesting, if we always said what’s on our mind?

You. A cream filled O Clare. Mirror. The verdict? Easy for me, mirror comes second, I will selfishly indulge.

Age fitty-something. Would you be willing to go back to having a wonderful, hard-body, no crow‘s feet/wrinkles…IF.. It meant having to raise kids again… (An easy one for me… Not no’s, but hells no’s…)

Those loved ones gone.. Would you trade one year of your life, for the opportunity to have them back on the planet for one year? (Another ‘gimme’… hell yeah I would.)

It’s been mentioned, that “years are years”… good/bad in each… Ifn’s you could return, relive.. What year would you pick? (Another gimme… 1970..)

Five mile stretch’a beach. For absolute certain you, and only you (and mebbe your mate) there. Would u strip down to nuttin’ and enjoy? (Would love to, but too GD fairskinned.. I’m afeared I would pay later.)

Ifn’s someone had sat you down your Senior year in High School… and said “now here’s how your life is gonna play out until 2009”… how would you have responded to ‘em? (Easy! “You drunken bastard, you’ve GOT to be kidding!”)..

Ifn’s someone sets you down, today, 2009.. And says “How would you like the remainder of your life to play out?”… Cinchy! Elisabeth Shue would divorce, move to Liberty, MO.. We’d wed.. Then getta yacht (and crew) and go see whatever place we wanted to see.. Ok, mebbe stretching it… I’d just like to remain in the happy mode.. Go thru the remaining days never having my son endure pain, tremendous struggle..

You’re driving to work. You’re never late. Ten minutes out, that cuppa java slips, all funnels down to your crotch area.. They’ll think “damn tootin’ he/she peed his/her pants.” Do you turn around, get new clothes, or, bite bullet, get to work on time and put up with the assumptions? (First… I think I’d scream OUUUUUCCHHHHHHH!… then I’d turn around, go home and get a new set’a duds on.)

Have you ever smooched someone that you absolutely positively knew “this ain’t the one.” (Your honor, I’d like to plead “not guilty”.. .but I can’t.)

If you were a single member of the opposite sex, and you observed yourself as you are now, what positives and negatives would come to mind? (Well… “he”s got a nice tush and all, but man o man, he shoulda used sunscreen back in the day.. He does still have a full heada hair, but what the hell color is it?… What the hell’s the matter with him? He’s pretty much always happy, upbeat.. Sumbitch don’t say much in a group does he?… Will he EVER own a car that’s less than three years outta the factory?… Nah, I’m searching more the the JoCo type… Seriously, I couldn’t. He’s never really serious… Depends. He’s only a few years away from Depends.)

Why, whilst “during”, do we groan, moan, make noises we NEVER make in ‘the real, normal world’.. turn red/flushed.. Feel wonderful relief…? (You preverted bastard, I was talking about pooping)..

Truth. You ever flipped them undies from one day to the next? Uh huh. What I thought.

You. $1.47 checking balance, only money currently accessible. In the work restroom, minutes before you‘re to go home.. At home, you have one rolla TP left, and it’s mebbe got 30-40 panels left on it. Fresh new roll staring you in the face. You thievin’ sumbitch, you took it didn’tya? Me too!

Why me Lord? Please Lord.. Tell me what did I do.. To deserve even one (blog reader).. Lord help me Jesus, I’ve wasted their time……..

Ok, poof. Gone. Enjoy the day. Ifn’s you see someone without’a smile..
Ask ‘em, “The hell’s the matter with you?..”

Love, Victurd.

Friday, January 02, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Mambo Number 5

One, two, three, four, five
Everybody in the car, so come on let's ride
to the liquor-store around the corner
The boys say they want some gin and juice
But I really don't wanna
Beerbust like I had last week
I must stay deep
Because talk is cheap

But then again… beer bust is what I do… or have been.. It beats the hell outta staring at this monitor… or does it…

I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita
And as I continue you know
You know they gettin' sweeter
So what I can do I really beg you my Lord
To me flirting it's just like sport, anything fly
It's all good let me dump it
Please set in the trumpet

Oh hell yeah.. look over POF (you’d have to be here) and I do see Angela’s, Pamela’s, Sandra’s and Rita’s that I do like… Again, you’d have to be here…

Chorus:
A little bit of Monica in my life (she got depressed, I HAD to split)
A little bit of Erica by my side (I wouldn’t stop smoking, she split)
A little bit of Rita's all I need (I touched too much.. Not nasty touch.. Nice touch)
A little bit of Tina's what I see (Turned out she was a “yell’er”.. Not into yelling)
A little bit of Sandra in the sun (Didn’t have enough money for her, a good turn to take)
A little bit of Mary all night long (I was fooling myself, it just wasn’t there)
A little bit of Jessica here I am (Unaware she was taken. Only wanted me as play toy. Strong consideration. Passed)
A little bit of you makes me your man

Mambo Number 5

Jump and down go and move it all around
Shake your head to the sound
Put your hands on the ground
Take one step left
And one step right
One to the front and one to the side
Clap your hands once
And clap your hands twice
And if it looks like this
Then you doin' it right

Ok, color me hokey. I love this song. Upbeat. Forget today’s/tomorrow’s problems.. (Victor, how can we with all your “add-ons” up there?)

Chorus:
A little bit of Monica in my life
A little bit of Erica by my side
A little bit of Rita's all I need
A little bit of Tina's what I see
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Jessica here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man

(Depressed.. Smoked too much… Stop touching!.. YELLING… Fork it over Mister.. Nothingness.. Play Ball? Nah, but thanks)

The trumpet,
the trumpet!
Mambo Number 5
Ha, ha, ha

Chorus:
A little bit of Monica in my life
A little bit of Erica by my side
A little bit of Rita's all I need
A little bit of Tina's what I see
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Jessica here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man

I do all to
fall in love with a girl like you
You can't run and you can't hide
You and me gonna touch the sky

Mambo Number 5... Or, dating, year eight…

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Datebo Number 8...

Well.. Maybe when I least expect it…… I’ll be on Candid Camera…

Hehe… Love, Victurd.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Jesus loves the little children.. or, 2009 fastforward...

A new year...

Ushered in completely sober for the second time in three years… Strangely, it’s a lot more fun that way… There were half as many people, and half as many cars on the road… Tweren’t half bad….

The “check engine” effect bee-bopped in roughly an hour or so into the New Year as son pronounced “dad… the stool is acting up”… Overflowing, then not filling.. “Ok son, I’ll peek at it in the morning..” Was that proper grammar? I always get ‘effect’ and ‘affect’ confused.. Thus far, hAsN’t EfFeCtEd Me.

Just a reminder, I spose, there’s gonna be good chit, and bad chit, no matta the year…

Newspaper agog with stories about “how 2009 has GOT to be a better year.”

I dunno.. Even if one heads up the summit, slips and falls back to the bottom.. He/she has still taken in the views from the time spent “up there.”… To me, with time, love deepens.. For family, friends, animals… convictions grow stronger.. “getting it” comes easier…

The half full glass tells us, “that first half tasted pretty yummy.”

No matter what the Dow indicates, Greenspan says, Bush or Obama do… no matter the Roman numerals accompanying the year… there are always marvels out there to remind us “life is pretty fucking (sorry, for impact purpose only) good.”

There will always be little kids with their exuberance for life, new things. Old people will happen.. They’ll struggle.. But in that struggle one can witness the joy and glee of “just still being here… doing… going.”

Cats will always never come when you call ‘em. Dogs will for’er act as if you’ve just returned from the Bahamas after you get the mail. Funny people will be funny.. Boring people will make you snooze.. Mean people will make you say (inwardly) “geez.. Too bad for them… there’s so much wonder out here.. They just can’t (or don’t allow themselves to) see it.”

I read the news today oh boy….. (Speakinowhich…. The Beatles.. Whilst only half here, will always be here.)

And in the news.. Deaths… reminder enough how precious time is…

Hell yeah stories: 88 year old lady, naked 50-something intruder into her home.. Grabbed his testicles and yanked.. He fled.. Hell yeah!… Guy comes into rob a commercial establishment.. Employee leads him back to “where the money is” only to stop midway at the pressure washer.. Turned and doused the robber.. He fled… Then, checkenginelight happened… The dude who sprayed him, a hero, had an old warrant out for his arrest - ended up in the pokey…

There’s always good… There’s always great… There’s always mundane… There’s always yucky.. Yes, some years, mebbe more (or less) than others…

Life, it be a teeter totter. Sometimes folks will let you down, like the old school chum who thought it was funny to jump off the teeter when you at the highest point. Crashing down we come, with a thud.. Hurts.. Then we get back up and one day teeter again. The titillation is worth the risk. Teetering is fun, even though we know the possibility exists it could all come crashing down.

I don’t think I’m going to make a “2009 New Years Resolution” list this year. I’m setting one goal, hopeful to fulfill… and if other goodies happen, way cool.

I want to observe, learn from, and interact with kids more this year. I ain’t real sure how I’ll do it, but I’m gonna. For starters, Saturday I referee 1st and 2nd little league basketball with my best friend in life, Sanford.

Kids know no prejudice. When we adults see someone do something they shouldn’t oughta be doing, we suck our thoughts in.. whereas kids say “HEY.. You’re NOT supposed to do that!”.. Kids always live with the glass half full… Kids ‘move’ and don’t care who’s watching and what they think. Kids can be goofy, charming, and do and say things that make your heart melt.

I guess this could be compared with turning the damn hourglass back over before time runs out. Becoming a kid again, if thru nothing other than osmosis. Regaining the good heart we all had “back in the day.” A world of innocence, not preconceived notions/judgments.

Going now. Might go play catch. Might catch “The Simpsons”:.. Might watch “Ralphie” before all the decorations come down.. Might skip.. Might go hug a family member.

It’s gonna be a good year. I’m kidding, and I’m not. Love, Victurd.