Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Sharing Google (about marriage/divorce):

Do not pass go, do not collect $200, do not call me a Simpleton.. I personally happen to believe EVERYTHING I learn from Google...

Average age to marry, 27 for men, 25 for women. Length of courtship, 2 years, 3 months. More than 8 out of 10 couples who cohabitate will break up either before the wedding, or afterwords in divorce. About 45% won’t marry.. Couples who do are 50% more likely to divorce than those that don’t.

I ain’t sure of my own personal stats, but I know #2 (for me) was a cohabitate kinda thing. I guess I should known eh?

Four rules to a successful marriage…

Uno) Care.. “you must learn to become an expert at meeting needs whether or not they seem important to you.”

Dos) Protection: “Avoid Being the Cause of Your Spouse's Unhappiness…. You and your spouse were born to be angry, disrespectful, demanding, annoying and dishonest. These are normal human traits that I call love busters because they destroy the feeling of love spouses have for each other But if you promise to avoid being the cause of your spouse's unhappiness, you will do whatever it takes to overcome these destructive tendencies for your spouse's protection.

Tres) Honesty. Honesty is the only way that you and your spouse will ever come to understand each other. Couples are not only ignorant of ways to improve their marriages; they are often ignorant of the problems themselves. To avoid conflict, they sometimes deliberately misinform each other as to their feelings, personal history, activities, and plans. This not only leads to a failure to meet an important emotional need, and a withdrawal of love units when the deception is discovered, it also makes marital conflicts impossible to resolve. After all, how can you and your spouse solve a problem if your cards are not on the table?

Quatro Time. Undivided attention… Schedule time alone together…

(I read an article today in KC Star… It told the story of a Minister who was being charged with the murder of a dude he’d counseled. Turns out, he was having an affair with the dude’s wife.. “got ridda him” [even performed ceremony at his funeral].. above written by some feller in clergy. Not suggesting correlation. Good luck to you.

Why couples divorce….

Unfaithfulness

Loss of intimacy and connection

Inability to communicate

Abuse and mental illness

Control

Differences in personality

Differences in goals and views

Percent of people that reach their:
5th anniversary = 82%.... 10th = 65%... 15th = 52%... 25th = 33%... 35th = 20%.. 50th = 5%

One stat I found interesting… First marriages that reached their 20th anniversary.. .Married between 1945 and 1948 = 82.5% still married… Married between 1970 and 1974 = 57.7% still married.

We take things lightly we do. "Eh, I’ll get it right next time." I vote = bullhockey, but I’m a 2-time loser so who am I to address! I think it's poopy that in today's society, it's so very easy (and socially/morally "Ok") to simply give up so easily.

I thought I compiled a lot more stats than that, sorry. It’s toward the end of this blog, and you are STILL here, and you STILL seek words of wisdom from feller who: 1st marriage 7 yr… 2nd marriage: 20-some years.. BOTH FAILED.

I ain’t got answers. Hardest life lesson to date (no pun intended) one only controls their own feelings. God Bless you (those) still going strong. I am so glad u ain’t gotta see the view from the other sidea the fence.

To those wondering, ogling, slobbering at the view of the other side of the fence: put it back in your pockets, and eye sockets. DON’T be envious of the person that goes/does what he/she pleases. That ‘tires’ after about 37 days.

One thing up above that really hit home for me: Inability to communicate. I ain’t no preacher (your wife is safe… and Dadgum I hope you know I jest in the preacher thingy.. I know the vast, vast, vast majority are wonderful)… but.. again.. the inability to communicate… As I reflect on ‘my own slides’, and as I hear friends going thru ‘yuck times’.. it comes to mind: Have you ever grabbed ‘em by the collar, FORCED ‘em to look you in the eye so they comprehend the IMPORTANCE of how you feel/what you think?

Wanna hear the funny part? I, the blog/FB/stupid idiot who posts and doesn’t think about repercussions/feelings/opines of loved ones, co-workers, fellow SigaMaNu brothers (yada yada yada). post each and every blog I do on a stupid dating site I’m on. See? I toldya I was a simpleton, I believe everything Google tells me.

Happy day, love Victurd

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